Mad at Myself but I Have Faith in Myself Too

Here I am at weigh in day again. Today's results weren't so pretty. I gained 2.4 lbs. this week. The good news is that I am still at 30 lbs. lost. What a disappointment to step on the scale and see that. I wasn't really surprised though, but I always hope for a miracle.

So in order to improve for the coming week, I find it important to address this week's issues and how I am going to change those issues:

1. I ate too many sweets: I am limiting myself to sweets once a day and that's for dessert for supper. If I crave sweets during the day, I can eat fruit or I will allow myself 1- 100 calorie pack, as that is controllable.

2. I let stress get to me: I am going to work on staying positive. I am going to keep looking for a new job. I am going to blog about what is bothering me instead of eating my worries.

3. At the family get-together, I put aside all healthy eating for the day: I am going to plan ahead and bring healthy food to munch on. I am going to remember my goals and that every bite makes a difference.

Those are the 3 things that I feel tripped me up this week. I think I have a good starting point for this week. Now, as an effort to try to stay positive, here are some things I did RIGHT this week:

1. I got up at 4:30 am and exercised M-F.

2. I drank more than enough water.

3. I ate more than enough fruits and veggies.

4. I let go of my insecurities and enjoyed myself playing beach volleyball and felt great for being more active!

5. After seeing my gain this morning, I really wanted to just pout and go back to bed. Instead, I kept going and did a run/walk.

Once again, I left work unpaid at 12:00. I need to stop doing that and have decided I won't leave early for the rest of the week. I had some terribly rude customers who yelled at me today, the air conditioner was broken and it was hot, and I had a headache. Not to mention the other daily annoyances. I also found out that my hopes for switching to a new account at work are crushed because I would have to take a $1000 pay cut to do so. Forget that, I'll find a new company to work for! Do any of you work from home? If so, where did you find your job?

Once again, I really appreciate all of your comments on my posts. I check back often to see if anyone has commented. I appreciate your tips and your encouragement. You really are my support system and I thank you for that! :)

Should I blog it?

Ok, today has not been a good day for me eating wise. I have really been struggling this week and I think it’s due to being unhappy at work (if you haven’t noticed haha). I’m really concerned with my WI tomorrow and am pretty much expecting a gain.

This morning I had corn chex w/ 1/2 cup blueberries and milk, and a banana. This seems to be enough to keep me satisfied. I had 2 small peaches and a 100 calorie pack for snacks. For lunch I ended up eating a walking taco, which was probably not the best choice but they were selling them to benefit St. Judes. It was yummy anyway! I also had 1/2 cup of bing cherries. And I also caved and bought cookies, which I haven’t done in over a week! NO MORE THIS WEEK!!! When I came home I had some crackers and hummus and then just had a handful of those chocolate stars you put on peanut butter cookies! TERRIBLE! So much junk food today!

I’m not really sure if I should even blog about the times that I mess up like this, but I want to be honest. I know that reading about other people’s struggles makes me feel not so alone, so I hope this can have the same effect.

It’s time to kick this into gear. I do not want to go backwards and gain back the weight that I have worked so hard to lose!!

On a more positive note, I have continued to work out every morning, this morning was the walk/run, and after Friday I will have completed 1 whole month!! That’s an accomplishment! :)

Letting Go

I find it very hard to come home from work and just let go. It’s a mind thing for me. I ruminate everything over and over and over in my mind until I’m about to go crazy.

My husband gave me some good advice when I asked him why he doesn’t ever come home stressed out. He says that when he leaves work, he leaves all of the work stress at work so that he can come home and be happy with me. :) That’s exactly what I need to do.

I’m not going to be able to change what’s going on at work but I can change my attitude. I’ve settled it that I am looking either for a new position or a new job totally. The decision is made and so there’s no reason to go over and over in my head why I hate my job so much.

The quality of my day depends very much on my own attitude. Everyone else can be rude to me, things can go unfairly, and everything can go wrong at work, but how I react to it is what is important. My attitude is everything. In many aspects, I tend to be a pessimist. I like to think that overall I am optomistic. I really am. It’s just that sometimes instead of continually filling the glass, I let it get a little empty and then everything seems hopeless.

Maybe I’m not making myself clear. This whole post is just a therapy session for me. But I can also relate this to my dieting. I will go over and over one little mistake in my head and beat myself up about it. I guess this is my personality, but I can always change that.

My Dr. actually told me that I need to stop stressing out because it raises my blood pressure. She told me that I’m young and I can make these changes. I’m going to start right now. I want to have a more positive attitude toward everything in life! :)

After Weekend Update

This weekend was very difficult for me eating wise. There was too much junk food and we already know about my weakness for cookies!

Other than that, we had such a fun time!! We spent the day at the lake and swam and played beach volleyball. We were active ALL day long and I am still sore from it! I guess all of the activity helped out because I weighed less this morning than I did on Friday morning, so that was good news to me! I am still up 2 lbs from WI last week, but this seems to be the trend for me and then I lose it by Wed.

I went home early today. I know I really need to stop doing that because I don't get paid when I go home. It's just so hard to say no when they ask though! I absolutely hate my job! Today's plan is to surprise my husband and mow the lawn. I'm also going to clean up the house as the in law's are coming tonight to drop off some sweet corn.

I got a new laptop, I'm so excited about it! My other one is a 17" and it's so hard to lug around. Walmart has Compaq's on sale for $298!! What a steal! Check them out! :)

Hope you're all doing well! :)

Honest

I'm going to be honest, I have gained a few lbs. in the past couple of days. I have been a little stressed out and while I haven't been going overboard, I probably haven't been watching what I eat as carefully.

This weekend my family is getting together and I'm really looking forward to that. I'm sure there will be lots of yummy food but my brothers are really active and really into sports, so I'm sure I'll get some exercise if I want it!

I have now worked out for 3 weeks in a row of M-F's. Yay! I have to keep this up! I can see my ability improving.

Have a great weekend!!

Venting

I am so upset right now. I had applied for a new position at work. I have worked at this place for 3 years now and a few of us were the very first ones on the current team that I am working on. We are extremely experienced, knowledgeable, and very good at our jobs. One girl has even worked for the company 8 years.

Well here's the thing. The person that got the job has worked there ONE YEAR! Does she have a college degree or experience? Not at all. She is not nearly as qualified as a lot of us are. This is just so upsetting to me because I work my butt off every day and no one cares. I am officially looking for a new job. I just want to say SCREW YOU! I am sick and tired and being taken advantage of. I am not going to kiss anyone's butt so that I can get a job. I am going to work hard and earn it and if that's not how this company runs, then forget it.

Weigh In Day

A loss is a loss. I lost .8 lbs. this week. It's another step in the right direction, just not the big leap that I always hope for! I am happy with this loss because I know this wasn't my best week. This puts me at 255.6, total weight loss of 32.4.

Here are a few things that I can work on:

1. Watch the sweets
2. Be better at planning the meals for the day so I don't go over every day of the week. I ended up using all of my Weekly points and a few of my AP's. While you can lose weight this way, it's not as fast as it could be- hence the .8 loss.
3. Keep up the M-F workouts.
4. Focus more on healthier, more filling breakfasts. This morning I had peanut butter on Whole wheat toast, a banana, and milk and that seemed to keep me fuller longer.
5. Bring more healthy snacks to work.


In other news, I got my Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga dvd yesterday and I am excited to try it out. I picked up a pink yoga matt at Walmart this afternoon. So that's what tomorrow's workout will be! I'm excited to give that a try!

I also picked up a new peanut butter at Walmart. I can't remember the name of it but it's all natural. I'll have to write a review on that after I try it.

We're half way through the work week!! YaY! :)

So Hungry!

Today has gone well points wise, I have not gone over yet! Hopefully I don't go over at all. I hate it when I am sooo hungry the day before weigh in. I know that this is the night that counts as far as the substance of what I'm eating goes. I probably shouldn't eat popcorn tonight, although it's my all time favorite snack at night and I haven't had it for a while!

Here's what I've had today so far:

Breakfast:
Corn Chex (w/milk), banana, orange juice.

Snack:
3 small peaches

Lunch:
Salad with deli chicken breast, tomatoes, tortilla strips, and light french.
1 cup of cherries

Snacks:
handful of Reece's Pieces
1 Kolache from the farmer's market
1/2 Hershey's w/ Almonds bar

You see where I do go wrong? My sweet tooth is the culprit. Now that I look at my meals, I don't think I'm eating enough for breakfast and lunch. I'll need to work on that.

Ok, so I decided to stop at the Farmer's Market to see if the had any fruits or veggies that we don't get from the in law's or grow in our garden. They didn't really have anything different, but I did pick up a bag of sweet corn to bring to my brother's this weekend. Here's the problem, I live in a small town and there are 3 old people, each with their own table, selling things. So I feel bad when I just buy from one person. So what do I do? I spend $15. Corn, Kolaches, cookies, and jam. Just what I need! I'm sure it just makes their days to have sales. I promise I won't eat the Kolache's or all of the cookies. I'm not tempted by Kolaches for breakfast, but more as a snack like today and I can control that.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and you can see where my mind is... I need to stop thinking about food and stick with it!

Monday's Over

Thankfully!! I hate Mondays, it's just so hard to get going after the weekend. I got up out of bed and did my run/walk this morning. While the running is getting easier, getting out of bed is not. But I keep telling myself:

a. What's 30 minutes?
b. Think of how great you feel when you're done!
c. Exercise is the only way you're going to lose weight.
d. You owe this to yourself.

Of course, once I'm done I feel terrific. It's easier to think about getting up tomorrow for a workout now that Monday's is over.

Today has been a success. I have made a promise to myself that there will be no cookies out of the vending machine this week. While I do admit that I did get a sweet craving and had a handful of M&M's, they were 1/3 of the points of the cookies. So I'm all good. :)

I'm a little worried about WI on Wednesday. I haven't gained so much as to go past my 3o lb. goal, so that's a good sign. The weekend was a little tough on me. If I can do well for these 2 days, I should be ok.

I've been able to eat lettuce out of our garden and it's delicious! We also have green onions, which are awesome too! This is the time of year we get loads of fruits and veggies from my in law's, who are farmers. Delish!

Confession

I have started a very bad habit.

OK, so there are these cookies in the vending machine........

Enough said. I think I have bought them almost every day this week. They are so yummy but I think I am eating them because I am trying to find comfort from work stress. It is so stupid of me because they are 6 points and I earn 5 points from my morning workout. Do I really want to get up at 4:30 AM everyday so I can eat a cookie?

Not a good idea.

Scale forgive me, for I have diet sinned. :)

Randoms

Every day around the same time I get incredibly exhausted. Could this have something to do with my eating habits? How could I make changes so that I don't get so exhausted? I come home from work and just crash. I'm too tired to cook a good dinner or do much of anything but lay around. I know that my job can be mentally taxing, but there has to be more to it!

This morning's workout was the 3o Day Shred. I can feel my endurance building very slowly. My arms were still sore from yesterdays workout, so some of those moves were a little tough today. One more day of working out and I'll have kept my goal for 2 weeks.

I don't want my eating to get out of line. I feel like I need a filling meal. What's sounding good right now are mashed potatoes and gravy. That's terrible, isn't it? I just feel like I need a good filling meal to satisfy some cravings so that I don't go on an eating spree. Maybe I need to eat a bigger breakfast so that I don't get hungry throughout the day. When you're short on time though, that can be difficult. I've been meaning to eat oatmeal in the morning, but after my workout, the last thing I want is hot, filling food.

I am so happy that tomorrow is FRIDAY!! Finally. I still have my pedicure to look forward to and I'm hoping to get that done this weekend too.

I also want to say thank you to those of you who post comments for me. I really, really appreciate these and they really encourage me. This has been the best support network ever. Thank you for writing in your blogs and offering honesty and encouragement along your own journeys. You are all such inspirations to me!!

Weigh In Day

I did it!! I finally did it! I didn't only meet my 30 lb. goal, but I blew past it with a total weight loss of 31.6 lbs. I know that my ticker says 32, but it rounds to the nearest number. I am so excited to have finally gotten here!

My total weight loss for this week: -2.4

I really believe in exercise now! This was the first weigh in since getting a full week of exercise in. This morning I was up to do my 30 minute Core Workout with my stability ball.

To celebrate, I got off work a little early and headed over to VS to stock up on my favorite lotions and body sprays that I have been depriving myself of lately to try to make it a goal! Then I went to the pool and relaxed in the sun for 1 1/2 hours. It felt so good! I can't wait to go to the pool and not be embarrassed about what I look like. I want to be one of those hot, skinny girls!

So, on to my next goal...COME ON COACH PURSE!! I can't wait for this one!!

It's almost Weigh In Day

I am really excited about weigh in day tomorrow! The scale has been showing me lots of love this week, I'm just hoping it stays that way for tomorrow! Keep your fingers crossed for me!

This morning I did another walk/run. I was pretty tired this morning but I know I will always feel great if I just get out of bed and exercise. Besides, it's only 1/2 hour less of sleep and the benefits I am seeing from it are WELL WORTH IT!

I haven't been nearly as thirsty today, so that's a good thing! I was a little worries yesterday. I have had 11 glasses of liquid (one of them was OJ, the rest water) which is a little more on Target for me than yesterdays 17 glasses of water!

One of my coworkers told me that she watches everything I eat and she doesn't think I eat too much. So, that's a good thing! A little something to keep me in line if I know someone is watching everything that I eat! Today I really needed something sweet and so I ate 1/2 of a Hershey's chocolate bar for 2.5 points and gave the other half to my friend because I don't trust myself enough to keep it in my desk yet.

Tonight I'm planning salmon burgers on Arnold sandwich thins and roasted sweet potatoes for supper. Hopefully this won't make me gain weight tomorrow! I'm a little worries about the sweet potatoes though, but they sound so good!

Wish me luck!!!

Thirsty!

I have been soooo thirsty today and I'm not totally sure why! I have had a total of 15 cups of water today and I really haven't been peeing anymore than usual. What is this about!? Last night I did go out for Mexican food where I ate 1/2 cheese quesadilla with chips and salsa, nothing too major. I don't feel bloated by any means. This morning I did my walk/run and afterwards I thought I was going to die of thirst. I know this probably isn't healthy, but I wait to weigh in after I workout, so I don't drink anything before hand. By the way, I was able to run at 5.5 mph for each of my running parts, usually I have to slow down towards the end. So I think I'm seeing some progress! I might try to progress to week 2 of the Couch to 5k next week, we'll see how I feel.

It was a back to work Monday for me and those are never fun. :( I'm really tired and so ready to just relax with my hubby for the night! Did I mention that I have the world's best husband? I am such a lucky girl! He is so supportive of me on this weight loss journey. We went for a 30 minute bike ride together last night, so that's an extra workout that I didn't have to do! I hope you all made it through your Mondays and have a great week! :)

Yoga

I would really like to give Yoga a try. Does anyone do this regularly? What do you all think of it? Do you really see benefits from doing it? I am looking for a good Yoga DVD to purchase and am looking for some recommendations! Also, if there are any other recommendations on any workout videos, I'd be happy to know! I have the 30 Day Shred and I found out about that on the blogs, so I think this is the best place to go for recommendations to get some tried and true ideas! :)

I did it!!

The past two days have gone well, although I didn't post yesterday. Yesterday, I got up for a 30 minute bike ride in the morning. It doesn't feel like I am working as hard on the bike, but it's still exercise and I was a little sore from the 30 day shred. This morning I did my walk/run for 20 and biked for 10. It's my goal to do the walk/run 3 times a week, but most importantly, get 5 days worth of exercise minimum per week...and....

I got up every morning this week and worked out!!

I finally did it! I think I have finally found a way to work my exercise into my schedule and I'm very happy for that. It makes me feel so much better.

I got a off of work 1 1/2 hours early today. My husband has had the past two days off, so it's nice to have him home! :) We don't have any major plans for the weekend, but boy am I ready!!

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!!

Weigh In Day

Weigh in day found me back at 258.8. So I lost the .2 that I gained last week. A little disappointing, but I ended up gaining a few lbs. over the July 4th weekend. It was a loss at least!

I was up at 4:30 again this morning and this time w/ the 30 Day Shred! It was a nice change but still such a hard workout for me! I'm really hoping that I can walk tomorrow! :) One thing about working out in the morning is that when I'm done I really feel the need to stretch, which I hear is really good for you when you work out. I usually tend to skip any stretching, but I fit it in in the mornings because it feels so good and my body feels so loose the rest of the day. I'm really loving this morning workout thing. Who would have thought? It's only 1/2 hour earlier than usual, it gives me more energy, I feel relaxed, and it's quiet and peaceful in the house. It's a good start to the day. I have found that I'm definitely ready to go to sleep at 8:30 at night, terrible, isn't it!? haha. But, that is 8 hours of sleep and seems to be just what my body needs to keep going. I've never been one of those people who can function well on like 5 hours of sleep.

I interviewed for a new position at work today. I am soooo nervous at interviews. I think it went ok, of course I can always think of the right answers after the fact. I'm not going to sweat it if I don't get it, as long as it goes to someone fair. It's only temporary anyways for 60-90 days, I'd have to work 9:30-6:00 instead of 7-3:30, and I'd have to work 1 Saturday a month. So on one hand, I would like the opportunity, and the experience, but I also love my early shifts and all Saturdays off! They aren't sure if they are even going to offer it to someone who has a school schedule anyways, so we'll see! I don't think we'll hear for another couple of weeks. I definitely let my stress wear on me as I went to Arby's for lunch and had a roast beef and cheddar sandwich. No fries, so that's good. Then I went back to work and ate 2 cookies...whew, I really blew it there! But I'm making it my goal this week to track my points, as I tend to say just forget it when I eat something less than stellar!

I'm really hoping that I will start seeing the effects of the morning workouts come weigh in next week! I really need to take measurements too, I'm a little upset that I didn't take them when I started, but I know I have some old measurements somewhere I can look back on.

Food hangover, Lots of Water, and anticipation!

I was up again this morning at 4:30 for my workout. I have to admit that it seemed a lot harder this morning, but I persevered and made it through. :) I think it was the food that I ended up eating for supper last night, some leftover potato salad, and bbq beans. I just felt like I had a bad food hangover. But I am feeling much better now after a day of good eating! I made it outside for a walk on my break again although it was hot, muggy and not very enjoyable because of that! I have noticed that I am getting A LOT more water in now that I am working out in the morning. This morning I drank 4 cups of water after my workout, that really adds up! I am just so hungry. My lunch break at work is at 11:00 and we don't usually eat supper until 6:30 or 7:00. I did have some cherries and hummus w/ wheat thins, but I am still so hungry! I must stay out of the kitchen because tomorrow is WI and I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY more than anything want to FINALLY meet this 30 lb. goal tomorrow!! I have been up by a couple of pounds the past couple of days, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

An Accomplishment

This morning I woke up at 4:30 AM and ran/walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes and biked for 10 minutes. At first I was a little tired but after about 5 minutes I woke up and it felt amazing! I am definitely going to continue this!! The awesome thing is, I wasn't tired all day long and definitely less hungry and apt to eat junk! I even got a really bad nights sleep last night, tossing and turning all night, so this is great! I don't think there's any way that I won't continue this. I do really good in the mornings, no excuses! I even went for a walk on one of my breaks today. :)

Also, I tried Hummus for the first time and I am in love! This stuff is delicious! I got the roasted red pepper and I've been eating it with light wheat thins. YUM! I can't wait to try the other flavors and it's so low in points!! The worst part is the wheat thins. What do you use Hummus for? I'd love some recommendations!!

4th of July Weekend Continued

It's hard to believe this weekend is almost over already! It was so nice to have 3 days in a row off, thanks to my friend at work picking up a few of my hours for me! The weekend continued to go well from my last post. Saturday morning my Dad and I went for a walk at 7 AM. It was misty the whole time, but we went anyways. He has gotten me started on the morning walks now. I did not go this morning, but we plan on getting a bike ride in later tonight. Starting tomorrow, I am going to get up at 4:30 AM to get in a workout, at least on workdays. I might just walk, depending on how I feel that early in the morning, but I may try my run/walk routine.

Also, the town that I live in has a 5k on the 4th of July every year. So I've made it my goal to participate in that next year. I think a year gives me plenty of time to improve to be able to run close to that amount without walking? I'm not really sure. What suggestions do you have for me? I have followed the couch to 5k program quite a few times and stay on the 1st week, never going past that, because it seems like I never improve enough to up the workout! How do you know when you're ready to go to the next level? If I start waking up early faithfully, there's no reason I can't be ready for a 5k a year from now. Kind of exciting!!

We also went up to the fair in the park. My brother participated in the free throw contest and got 2nd place for the 18 and older category. (How cool is that?) He missed ONE shot! He also rode the mechanical bull, that was a lot of fun to watch. My husband and I split a funnel cake, I know terrible right? I haven't had one of those since I was a freshman in high school, so almost 10 years! It was a treat.

We did go to the pool on Friday and that was a lot of fun. We were only there for 1 1/2 hours, but I still got sun burnt. I'm starting to get a tan, which I never get anymore thanks to having to enter the adult world of having a job. :) For once, I decided to go down the slide at the pool instead of worrying what people would think of me, or that it would draw attention to myself and people would make fun of me. I'm trying to learn to set that all aside and just learn to enjoy life!! It was so much fun!!

We had a cookout on Saturday night. I ate a little of everything but didn't go overboard. I have to admit the food was pretty much everything I wouldn't normally eat, but it was the 4th of July and things like this will happen in life. :) Everything went really well. We ate inside the garage this year because it rained all day, but turned out to be a beautiful evening for the fireworks!

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July weekend! I had such a great weekend and it felt like I did all of the things that you do in the summer time. :) I love to think ahead a year from now and wonder what weight I will be, what I'll look like, what size I'll be wearing, and how much different I will be by then. To the next 4th of July!! :)

Happy 4th of July!

So far everything has gone relatively smoothly eating wise. Thursday night my family arrived and we all went to Subway for supper before heading to a movie. Subway is always a healthy choice. I did splurge and have ice cream later on at a local place, but I didn't eat it all, and that's new for me!

Friday morning my Dad and I got up at 7 AM and went for a 2.5 mile walk together. It was really nice and we talked a lot about dieting, lifestyle changes, etc. It's nice to have other people working towards the same goals because it inspires me to do better. After we got home, I cut up a big bowl of fruit for him, my mom, my husband and myself. Yum! My mom brought TONS of fruit for me!! Cherries, strawberries, blueberries, grapes, etc. They have the best produce store. After breakfast my brother wanted to go for a run, so I rode my bike as he ran. He impresses me that he can run for so long without stopping! The town I live in has a 5k on the 4th of July every year, so we decided we will work towards that next year. Lunch was egg salad on Arnold sandwich thins and a serving a baked chips. Then, my mom, brother and I headed to the pool. My brother and I did a lot of swimming and we had a lot of fun and also got a nice tan!! We had a rice krispy bar as a snack. After that we had to go to the grocery store and get groceries and my mom so sweetly insisted on buying 1/2 of the stuff! That was really nice! When we came home we had grilled chicken that I marinated, and my brother made "dirty" mashed potatoes (which were probably the extent of the bad eating), and we had a little bit of lettuce from our garden. After supper, my brother, husband and I went for a little bike ride. There is a lot going on in my small town this weekend with the 4th of July and we plan to try to catch some of that before the cookout we're having for supper.

I hope everyone is having as great of a 4th of July weekend as I am. By the way, yesterday I weighed 257.4 (that's .6 over my 3o lb goal!!!) If I can just keep this off until Wednesday weigh in!

July 1st Weigh In

Ok, so things didn’t go as planned this week or this month for that matter! My goal was to meet my 30 lb. goal by the end of the month of June and I didn’t quite make it! I gained .2 lb. this week, putting me at 259. That’s 1 lb. away from goal, and a 1.6 lb. loss for the month. But then again, this is my 1st month to lose weight since April, so that’s a good sign. I’m thinking about starting to wake up at 4:30 AM so that I can get workouts in. Otherwise, I just don’t seem to want to work out. I have the most energy in the mornings, so maybe that will be tomorrow’s plan. I could handle going to bed a 1/2 hour earlier. My eating has been on track for at least today and yesterday. I need to keep on track for the whole week. I see the 4th of July as a potential stumbling block. My family is coming out for the weekend and I can’t wait to see them! My Dad has already asked if there is a walking path in the area because he has started to walk 2 miles every morning!!! So that’s a good incentive for me! :)