I just can’t seem to get it together. Last week, my weight was steadily declining every day, which isn’t something I am used to seeing lately! And then this weekend, I overindulged and gained it all back. Now I can’t seem to get myself on track.
I didn’t do TERRIBLY today. But I had an episode of unnecessary snackage and I ate pizza for supper. Not exactly going to help me lose weight.
I like the freedom of eating only when I’m hungry, but I find it very easy to abuse it. But maybe that’s part of the process? Learning to recognize when I am eating for reasons other than hunger so that I am prepared to stop it the next time. It’s very liberating knowing that I can eat whatever I want whenever I want. That there are no foods “off limits.” Maybe this just takes time to learn and I need to keep moving forward.
And then I constantly think I should join WW again, although it’s not something I really want to do. I’ve thought about trying to get a hold of the old WW plan books and just going old school. I think my Mom might still have the books? I’m not sure. That plan seemed to work for me.
All I know is that I am frustrated. I am frustrated with myself. Why do I keep doing this? Around and around. Up and down and up and down. Never constantly forward.
I’ve had too many experiences lately that have reminded me that I want to lose more weight. I don’t want to be obese. I may have lost 80 lbs, but I still have so far to go!! I don’t even look somewhat thin. Heck, a lot of people START their weight loss journey at my weight. The truth is, I have a long ways to go and if I don’t get my butt in gear soon, I’m never going to get there.
But I also can’t seem to find that key. The key that will unlock the secrets to weight loss, to my sticking to plan, and to dedication. I wish there were a magic pill I could take and I’m wake up tomorrow looking like Kim, a finalist from the Biggest Loser. But there’s not.
I don’t want to give up. But do I really believe I can make it to goal? In all honesty, I do not feel like I will ever get to my goal. As of late, that is. It hasn’t always been that way.
I cannot envision it. I can’t see myself at 144 lbs. I can’t imagine myself a beautiful and confident woman. I just don’t see it. And I know I’m not supposed to say that. I know that goes against every piece of motivational wisdom out there.
AND I HATE THAT ABOUT MYSELF RIGHT NOW.
Maybe that’s the key. Believing in myself. How can I truly envision myself at goal weight? How can I envision myself making healthy choices? How can I envision myself maintaining that?
I need help. I don’t know where to turn. But I know I need help.
For now, I’m going to work on some self talk, self love, and self confidence.
How can I teach myself to believe in myself? That it’s POSSIBLE to become someone I’ve never been before. I’ve been here, at the weight I’m at now, before and I remember it. I remember what it felt like. But I’ve never weighed any less than this.
And the more I think about it. The more I wonder if that’s the key…
My word, I sure hope it is….
But even if it is, how do I learn to believe it so that I can be it?
