After a day of eating rich foods and not counting my calories, I’m feeling pretty terrible. I am bloated, my weight is up, and I don’t want to feel like this! More than anything, I’m scared of gaining all of my weight back.
I am not even close to eating like I did before I lost my weight, so don’t take me wrong. I did not eat loads of food and then some. Hubby and I took a mini-vacation, which was fun, but also involved eating out for three meals. I ate small portions of everything I ate, but as well all know, restaurant food is laden with sodium, which probably is part of the reason for my weight being up this morning. But I also ate ice cream and made spinach dip last night.
I’m struggling with not thinking of food as “good” vs. “bad”, but I’m finding myself doing it. Therefore, after I eat such foods, I am saying things like, “I hate myself” or “I’m such a cow” or “Why do I have to be so fat? Why can’t I just be like ______ (insert name here) and just be naturally beautiful and thin?” I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks like this sometimes, but I don’t like to think that way. It’s very bad for self esteem and we all know where that leads—eating emotionally.
I’m counting today as the first day of a fresh start. I’m not even going to look at the past, like I want to do so much, but I’m just going to move forward.
I promise that today I will count my calories and get a workout in.
I also admit that I have a problem. I do not have a healthy relationship with food. So on we go to another leg of this journey…I don’t think I’m really backtracking, maybe I’ve gained a few pounds but that’s not the most important part. The important part is what I’m learning about myself. I think the most important part of this journey is the head game. I hope I can use what I’m learning (although it seems so devastating right now) and make changes and not backslide because I can’t find a solution for it.
Onward and forward…again.
Last month marked nine years since I made goal with WW. I still struggle after all these years. This past week has been "bad" in every category for me but today is indeed a new day and a new start.
ReplyDeleteWe can do this. :)
Yes, forward!!! You are smart, and learn from every slip. I think those slips will get farther and farther apart.
ReplyDeleteStrange that facing forward always seems to be the hardest part, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteYou can do it girl! We need to have a pep talk this week cause I need it! Tomorrow is a fresh start for me too!
ReplyDeleteToday is a new day! You can do this! You have come so far! :)
ReplyDeleteShannon
http://www.irunreadteach.wordpress.com
i've probably written this same journal entry a million times in my head. Every time i say i will try again tomorrow, I seem to get weaker and weaker because habits build up. and you start to doubt yourself. Just have to do good for a few days, and then you will get a rhythm for it. so hard though... right now i'm starving and i want to eat everything. i'm going to take a sleeping pill and go to sleep. good luck girl.
ReplyDeleteThis journey has no ending.....don't feel u have failed cause u have not! Even when u reach ur goal weight you gain a few and then have to lose the few....it's not starting over.....I personally can never relax and eat like I used to as I will gain, and I do after a holiday as well....I've stopped all grains and gluten due to my health issues, and still can gain, so frustrating as already my foods are limited....so we keep fighting.....never stop!
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