After a day of eating rich foods and not counting my calories, I’m feeling pretty terrible. I am bloated, my weight is up, and I don’t want to feel like this! More than anything, I’m scared of gaining all of my weight back.
I am not even close to eating like I did before I lost my weight, so don’t take me wrong. I did not eat loads of food and then some. Hubby and I took a mini-vacation, which was fun, but also involved eating out for three meals. I ate small portions of everything I ate, but as well all know, restaurant food is laden with sodium, which probably is part of the reason for my weight being up this morning. But I also ate ice cream and made spinach dip last night.
I’m struggling with not thinking of food as “good” vs. “bad”, but I’m finding myself doing it. Therefore, after I eat such foods, I am saying things like, “I hate myself” or “I’m such a cow” or “Why do I have to be so fat? Why can’t I just be like ______ (insert name here) and just be naturally beautiful and thin?” I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks like this sometimes, but I don’t like to think that way. It’s very bad for self esteem and we all know where that leads—eating emotionally.
I’m counting today as the first day of a fresh start. I’m not even going to look at the past, like I want to do so much, but I’m just going to move forward.
I promise that today I will count my calories and get a workout in.
I also admit that I have a problem. I do not have a healthy relationship with food. So on we go to another leg of this journey…I don’t think I’m really backtracking, maybe I’ve gained a few pounds but that’s not the most important part. The important part is what I’m learning about myself. I think the most important part of this journey is the head game. I hope I can use what I’m learning (although it seems so devastating right now) and make changes and not backslide because I can’t find a solution for it.
Onward and forward…again.
