I was a chubby child growing up. I wasn’t always chubby, but kindergarten hit and something caused me to start gaining weight. So by the time I was in 5th grade, my blonde headed popular friend looked at my yearbook photo from kindergarten and said, “You used to be so pretty! What happened?”
What happened? That’s a good question because I really don’t know for sure. All I can think of is that going to school may have been more stressful for me than I realized and I started to turn to food for comfort without really realizing it at such a young age. But who’s to know?
But what hurts me the most is that questions like those seemed valid to me as a 5th grader and really throughout most of my life. They added to my self hatred and low self esteem. It seemed perfectly ok to me for my friend to ask me why I had turned ugly. When is that ever ok? What kind of damage must that have done to my poor little psyche. Heck, I still remember those words today and I’m 25 years old!
I am often shocked when I hear about young girls harassing and bullying each other about looks and sexuality amongst other things. But it’s a common thing and I think most of us have experienced it to some extent. The standards set worldwide for women are just ridiculous. I’d like to say they are getting better, but when we have our tween and teenage girls bullying each other to the point of suicide, we have a very serious problem. The standard for beauty needs to be reset, and I think that it can start within our own homes. While I don’t have a daughter yet, I know I will be passing along to her—what my mother passed along to me. That beauty is only skin deep and what makes one beautiful is far beyond God given (or surgeon given) good looks.
I wish I could go back to my chubby 5th grade self and give her a hug. I’d tell her that she was beautiful. I’d tell her that she had the kindest soul of anyone in her class and that someday she would realize her potential and see her strength. I’d tell her to stick up for herself. I’d tell her that little blonde girls who asked her why she was ugly weren’t really her friends. I’d tell her that being beautiful wasn’t about being skinny, but it was about being kind and thoughtful and loving others. Beauty from within can radiate. And being beautiful isn’t just about looking like everyone else. You don’t have to be a thin, tan, blonde, athletic cheerleader to be beautiful. You can be brunette, red headed, gray headed, smart, chubby, witty, freckled, talented, wrinkled, and horrible kisser. But if you have love in your heart—you will be the most beautiful woman in the room.
What would you say to your 5th grade self?
