Like Tomorrow May Never Come

This post is a little different than most, but I recently posted about Balance. So being healthy and happy is about more than just what I eat. Here are my most recent thoughts.

Lately, I have felt like life is slipping through my hands. Like I’m trying to grasp a fistful of sand and it’s slipping right through my fingers. At first this scared me. I’m 25 years old. I have my entire life in front of me, God willing.

But I’ve often heard of God preparing people before something happens. Call it premonition, call it what you will—sometimes we get that feeling that something could happen. And of course, that scared me too. Could God be preparing me for something? Could my life be cut short? Could something happen to hubby? To a loved one? And that just broke my heart. But prayer can help in so many ways. I have found that I can go to God in desperation and pour out my heart to him and tell him my feelings, my worries, my concerns, my ideas—and shortly, I will have comfort. And that is what has happened in this situation too.

And you know what? Feeling like life is slipping away from me has changed my anxiety and fear into action. I am treasuring moments a little more. I am holding onto hubby a little tighter. I’m trying to be more understanding and to pick and choose my battles. Some things aren’t worth fighting over. Those little marital spats, most of the time, they’re just not worth it. And I’m not saying I’m perfect in this, but I am trying and it’s making a difference. I say I love you more than ever. I try to express my feelings, my emotions, and my love for others more. Holding in how I feel isn’t going to get me anywhere. If I were to die tomorrow, I would never want my family to question if I loved them, just because I was too proud to break down and say, “I love you. You mean the world to me.” And I need to do even better in this respect.

It even caused me to reach out to an old friend and tell her I was sorry for some things I had done in the past. She didn’t respond right away, but I still felt a peace after doing that. And she did respond, and now we are starting to pick up our friendship that was lost. And it’s a beautiful thing. I am trying to say I’m sorry when I mean it. I am trying to say I’m wrong when I know deep down that I am. I am trying to apologize when I say something hurtful and I know that I don’t mean it and I’m just trying to lash out. I’m trying not to lash out.

I’m trying to think of all of the things that I want to do in life and I’m trying to come up with plans to do them. I’m thinking about what I want out of life—my dreams, my goals and aspirations, and I’m trying to think of how I can attain them. Life is short. All we can count on is this very moment that we’re in. And we have to take advantage of it. Take action. Live in the present. Live with no regrets.

And whether I have only today or 100 years in front of me—this is how I want to live from here on forward. And I thank God for showing me that. And I wonder why I don’t go to Him more often?