Weighing In!

I went and started a new program and haven't come back to update you on my progress! Life has been busy-- but what else is new, right?

As of this morning, I had lost about 19 lbs. Super happy about that! That's in just over a month. It could probably be more-- but I haven't been perfect on this since the 4th of July when I got a little off track. However, there have been drastic improvements in what I've been eating. Honestly, I don't care if it takes me a little longer to lose the weight-- I don't want to make myself crazy being too strict.

Since being off the blood pressure medication that causes depression, I have felt a lot better! I haven't had any "depressive" episodes. My mood has been pretty level and normal. Not only that, I'm not retaining fluid anymore so my wrists don't ache anymore-- that's such a relief!

I should also note that the dosage of my new blood pressure medication has been decreased to half of what it was initially! That is definitely a positive change!

The biggest improvement has been the reduction of sugar in my diet. Once you get off of sugar, you start to realize that it's like a drug. When you have a little bit it will make you crave it like crazy. I haven't had any "binge" episodes since beginning to eat this way either. I don't think about food constantly. I'm satisfied and sometimes I forget to eat. Yes... I just said that. Crazy!

I still have a very long road ahead, but it feels good to be going in the right direction again!

First Week Weigh In

Today is officially one week on the induction to my new way of eating. I am amazed that I am not hungry at all and that cravings are not uncontrollable anymore. It has very little to do with willpower and much more to do with the fact that I'm consuming very few carbs and that influences the release of insulin, etc. It's really interesting!

I have lost a total of 13.2 lbs. in my first week! I couldn't be happier! I'm sure a significant portion of this is water weight-- I don't think my old blood pressure medicine was working so well and I had been very puffy.

Since beginning this way of eating, all pain has literally disappeared. I was having horrible pain in my hands and wrists, my joints were hurting, and I had frequent headaches. I have had some headaches-- but definitely fewer! I would be interested to know whether or not the pain was due to extra fluid in my body, due to gluten, or what!

There is one more week to this induction phase, but I will learn about the next phase of the diet on Monday! I am excited to learn more.

I have a very long way to go so I need to keep my eyes on the prize. The cruise that I earned is coming up in September and I hope to have lost at least 30 lbs. by then. That would be great!

Weigh in Day

I took a break from the scale this week and it was wonderful. I loved not having to obsess about the number. I was starting to get discouraged when I kept seeing the number go up and then that leads into everything spiraling out of control and I end up making bad choices.

My week wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t horrible. I ended up losing 1 lb. I’m happy with any loss right now! I’m still quite a few pounds above my lowest though. I will get there.

I have my counseling appointment this week and that should inspire me to keep working on myself. I also get outside a lot more when the weather is nicer—which means I get more activity in. It’s looking like next week should be pretty nice!

Have a Happy Weekend!

How was your weigh in this week?

Weigh in Day

I gained .8 lb. today. This is in addition to the weight I gained last week. Eek.

The quote below sums up what’s going on with me lately.

I start to doubt myself and that leads me to not taking action to become the person I want to be. When I’m not taking action then I’m not getting the results. End of story.

Believe it or not, I am feeling more positive and motivated today than I have been in about a week. Yesterday, I got to spend the morning by myself—I just went to Target and Kohl's, but it seemed to be just what I needed.

In the afternoon, I took Little Miss Sunshine for a walk to the park and then chased her around the park. She is definitely going to help me get my steps in this summer! I actually reached 10,000 steps yesterday for the first time since January 27th.

I always seem to dread working out but then when I get activity in it makes me feel so much better. That’s what happened yesterday. It was nice to be out in the sunshine and moving around. This weekend is supposed to be colder, but next week we will have some warmer days and I plan on getting outside as much as possible!

I’ve had a productive week. I rearranged the living room and have been working on the play room area. I finally found shelves I like and that is making a huge difference! Everything is finally coming together and looking more organized.

I need a few more things for the walls and I’m looking for a rug. I also want to paint my desk, which is on the office side of the room. Little by little.

It is nice to have the energy to accomplish so much! It’s crazy to think that a year ago I was having a hard time just functioning from day to day because of postpartum depression.

I couldn’t keep the house clean and didn’t have the energy to do much more than take care of Little Miss Sunshine and sit in my chair. Whew. I’m so glad to know that wasn’t “normal” and that makes me appreciate feeling so well now.

Have a great weekend!

Taking Action

Hello everyone!

I didn’t get around to posting about my weigh in on Friday because we were traveling back home from my parent’s in Illinois. But my weigh in was nothing to write home about. Actually, it was pretty horrific.

So I am taking action. I made an appointment with my therapist. I haven’t been back since that first appointment. I ended up canceling two appointments and never rescheduled. I feel like I’m at a point now where I need help.

I know it has to be possible to conquer this. I know that my program works and that I see incredible results when I actually do it. And it’s not even hard to do! I enjoy it. But I allow myself to eat “emotionally” and that destroys any hope of making progress.

If you’ve been reading for a while, you know that this has been an issue of mine since I was a child. I feel like this is the reason that I cannot lose weight and keep it off. I have never addressed the psychological side of why I eat and turn to food. So that’s what I’m trying to do by going to therapy.

I look forward to going again. When I was going for postpartum depression, I made a lot of progress with myself in regard to personal development. It’s really, really helpful and I highly recommend therapy.

Hubby and I completed a cleanse day from Friday-Saturday and then got off track again. So I am making a huge effort to get back to the basics today and remain strong. So far so good!

I am also going to get to the gym this week. It has been far too long! It seems like it has been one thing after another lately. Of course there were a few excuses in there too.

We have been sick so many times this year. It’s unreal. Baby girl was sick most of last week and hubby has been home sick this morning. I haven’t been feeling quite right either, but haven’t really felt incredibly sick.

Spring has certainly sprung! My tulips are up. The weather has been warm, although it is supposed to be rainy this week. I hope to get outside more soon and go for walks with Little Miss Sunshine.

That’s about all for now!

How are things going for you?

Weigh in Day (Almost there!)

I’m happy to report that I lost .6 lb. this morning! It might not seem like much, but I’m only .5 from my lowest weight and I entered into a new 10s digit! Whoohoo!

I’ve lost a total of 27.4 lbs. now. 30 lb. goal, here I come!!

As far as my 10 lb. rewards, I still haven’t gotten that facial for losing 20 lbs.! I might have to change it up and get a new pair of workout shoes instead because I could use them. Also, I’m nervous about getting a facial, which is probably why I haven’t done it yet!

Last weekend, I didn’t stay on track very well…quite a few indulgences! But this week, I chatted on the phone about my struggles with my mentor. It was a good pep talk and I feel like it helped me get my head back in the game in a more realistic way. I love the support that I get from my team—better than any diet I have ever done, hands down!

I’m with my mom this week so that helps tremendously since she’s following the program too. She looks incredible and has already seen improvements in her health. That’s pretty awesome.

I took this selfie the other day and it made me realize that I am doing well despite my struggles to get my head in the game! I can see the health & happiness in my face.

What a good feeling!

How was your week?

Weigh in Day: A Loss!

As the title suggests, I logged a loss this week! Yippee!

I lost 1.5 lbs. this week. For the past few days, I’ve been doing really well. Total loss = 26.8 lbs.

There have been quite a few times when I just wanted to eat something that I know isn’t going to help me lose weight, but I have persevered!

This is one of the most difficult times to stick to a diet. Easter candy is by far the best candy ever. And just last night I noticed an entire row of Cadbury chocolates that I have never seen before. You know how much I love Cadbury!

Speaking of chocolate, I have found that I would much prefer the little chocolates that are on my plan than any of the ones I can buy at the store. They are delicious and really help a sweets craving!

I make one exception to the rule. When I want a treat, I buy myself a Chobani almond coco loco Flip—because they are just so yummy. I feel like it’s a healthier alternative and it doesn’t cause me to fall off the wagon and consume more and more and more and more…

I also allow myself my coffee with creamer or a latte—usually twice per day. My coffee is one thing that I will not give up! It hasn’t hindered my weight loss, if anything—the slow activity of sipping on the warm beverage keeps me from eating.

I have also found that my Dutch Chocolate protein shakes are the most satisfying to me. I’ve been out of the chocolate shakes and I really miss them! I will get a shipment today—hopefully!

I’ve started adding 2 Tbs. of unsweetened cocoa powder to my strawberry or vanilla shakes and I find that it has the same effect. I looked it up and it turns out that cocoa is a potent appetite suppressant! Who knew? But that explains it.

How did you do this week?

Weigh in Day: Onward and Downward!

Whew! What a week.

After being incredibly low energy on Tuesday, I came down with the stomach flu on Wednesday. I felt normal by Saturday. In the mean time, Little Miss Sunshine came down with it and still isn't 100% yet. Hubby came down with it early this morning!

It is absolutely horrible. The worst part about it is the terrible body aches and pain. I've never experienced a bug quite like that before. Usually there are a few aches, but not like this. I literally felt like I couldn't move, and so does hubby!

Little Miss Sunshine is a little trooper though--still spinning in circles and being her normal self most of the time. She's just very clingy and holds her tummy so I know she doesn't feel well. Poor baby! She's being quite spoiled...oh dear.

I'm glad I was the first one to get it so that I can hold things together now. Hubby was able to take the day off when I was really bad so I could sleep basically all day. Thank goodness.

Anyways, I had to cancel my personal training session for this morning. I was nervous about it so I'm not too disappointed. But seriously, I will reschedule it. I'm learning that anything I feel nervous about, or try to come up with excuses for why I should put it off, is something that I should probably face!

Alright, down to business! Weigh in Day.

I lost 3.7 lbs. which brought me to my lowest weight yet! I've lost a total of 24.2 lbs.! I'm on the losing side again and that's so inspiring.

I also measured again and I've lost over 25 inches! So exciting. I'm getting smaller and feeling great.

My energy levels have improved drastically--well, except when I'm up in the night taking care of sick people!

After hubby got home from church yesterday and Little Miss Sunshine was down for a nap, I had to get out of the house. I went to another location of Planet Fitness--once again I tried to talk myself out of it because for some reason I'm afraid I will stand out, be made fun of, etc. etc. But I went anyways!

I did a 30 minute workout on the treadmill. That's all I've been brave enough to do so far. But the exciting thing is that in the last 15 minutes, I ran a few intervals! That's right. I ran! I didn't feel so lethargic and "heavy". It used to feel like I just did not have the energy to even walk on the treadmill. It's totally different now. I was even using an incline.

After that, I sat in a massage chair and it felt incredible. It even massaged my legs and by the time I was done I didn't feel any tightness in my muscles. I love my gym!!

In other news, hubby has lost 22 lbs. and 23". He looks great! He'd like to lose a few more pounds before he transitions to maintenance. I'm proud of him!

I'm so excited to see my transformation within the next few months, especially since I'm adding in some workouts and will be added strength training.


How was your week? Did you lose or gain this week?

First Weigh in of 2016

The month of December was pretty out of whack as far as eating is concerned. With hubby’s birthday, a getaway, and the holidays, I didn’t eat as well as I would have under normal circumstances. As I’ve said before, I had good moments and bad moments. I am so happy to be moving forward again with no more distractions! It’s all downward on the scale from here!

Despite having a rough week where I indulged a little more than I should have, I still managed to lose 2.9 lbs. for the week. Remember, last week I had a gain so I am still recovering from that! The good news is that I’m only 1.5 lbs. from my lowest! I might even be there by tomorrow.

This is also the first weigh in of the month so it’s time to check in with the progress I made for the month of December. Even with the bumps in the road, I still managed to lose a very healthy 6 lbs.! That’s a total of 20.5 pounds lost total. Yippee!

You want to know the best part about all of this?

I have hope again. Hope that I won’t always have to be overweight. Hope that I can feel good both mentally and physically. Hope that I am finally figuring out why I have struggled with weight problems for so long and struggled terribly to lose any weight—from a scientific perspective. It’s all starting to make sense now. HOPE—now that I know the “whys”, I’ve also found my “how” in how to reach my goals.

Right now I just want to shout it from the roof tops! I truly believe that I’ve found my answer.

I can’t wait to see what my weigh in is next week! I have plans to take everything up a notch this week, starting with a nutritional cleanse day today.

Are you fired up to meet your goals in 2016? Tell me about your progress so far!

Weigh in Day is Fun

That's right! Weigh in day is fun now. I love seeing my progress and it motivates me to keep going.

It seems like my body really responded this week and I lost a lot of weight. I cannot believe it!

This week, I lost 6.2 lbs. for a total loss of 20.7 lbs. The progress is just so exciting and I'm looking forward to a month from now, two months from now, a year from now! My goals are on the horizon.

I had an NSV (non-scale victory) this week that I'm very proud of. Hubby and I went on a date night for the first time in a LONG time. We were celebrating his birthday, which is today.

We knew we were planning an indulgent celebration supper, but we stayed on track all day. We didn't just throw in the towel thinking that we were just going to screw it up when we went out.

We ate at a Japanese steak house and went to our favorite cupcake shop for dessert. I was careful not to eat so much that I felt sick and stopped when I felt full. The cupcake was so rich (and delicious) but I felt lethargic after eating it!

Would you know that after I ate that cupcake my body physically craved sugar for the rest of the night? Literally, I haven't had those cravings in a long time. It's like a drug! But I stayed strong.

The very next morning, it was back to normal. There were no feelings of failure or guilt, but there was a whole lot of bloat going on! I was so happy to be back to normal eating and giving my body the nutrients and food it needs.

Of course the day after the indulgent supper I gained weight. But by this morning it was all back off and then some. This is sustainable guys. I can do this!

If you follow me on social media, you would have seen this photo that I posted of myself back in 2012 when I had reached my lowest weight ever.

This is my inspiration to keep going. I was this size before and I can be it again! Not only that, I can go farther. For the first time ever, I believe that's possible without a single doubt. Can you tell I'm excited?

There are so many possibilities and I'm just bubbling with excitement.

Have a great week everyone!

Weigh in Day: Still Going Strong

 

Another week down and more pounds down! I couldn’t be happier.

This week I lost 1.9 lbs. for a total of 14.5 lbs. When I weighed on Saturday that was actually 15.9 lbs. lost, but my weight bounced up a bit since then. I’m sure it will be off soon, but it also could be hormones…argh!

Hubby and I measured on Saturday and I have lost 22”! Isn’t that amazing? My clothes are fitting better now and I’m starting to wonder if I shouldn’t have gotten rid of so many of my smaller clothes!

Hubby is doing awesome too. He has lost 14 lbs. and 10 1/4”. He is so happy that his clothes are fitting better. I can see such a difference in him already! He wants to lose another 10 lbs. and then will go on to maintenance.

I have been feeling so energized and positive lately. I’m dressing nicer again and I’m feeling better about myself while practicing more self-care. It makes such a big difference. I am so happy with how far I have come physically and emotionally since the PPD.

I even had enough energy this past weekend to get my office/playroom painted and everything put into place. I have more things to purchase to bring it all together, but it looks so much better. The lighter paint has really brightened up the room and that paired with the organization makes me feel so much better.

I’m excited to see what I can accomplish this coming week!

 

How was your week?

Weigh in Day: A Holiday Week

 

I was gone for a week and out of my normal routine. I had good moments and bad moments. It seemed to get worse the longer I was gone!

At the worst of it, it made me realize how much I need help with the emotional eating issues. I am looking forward to my next appointment in a couple of weeks.

I walked with my sister twice for a total of 7+ miles. I’m sure that helped with covering some of the extra calories but it also got me into a “I want to workout” mood. I even hopped on the treadmill today for a 1 mile walk.

But anyways, I actually lost .5 lb. over the week! I am very happy with that because it’s a lot better than a gain!

I have lost a total of 12.6 lbs. and I can’t wait to get back to losing more now that I’m back home and back into my routine. I am really happy with Isagenix!

I am following the Isagenix 30 Day Cleansing and Fat Burning System and I am an associate. You can purchase the product from me at the link above.

Don’t forget that today is the last day to enter the Thankful Journey 5K!

 

How did your week go? Did you gain, lose, or maintain?

Weigh in Day: Week 2 on Isagenix

 

I had another good week. As expected, the weight loss was smaller this week—but I am also losing inches so that is exciting.

I lost 2.9 lbs. this week and a little over 6”.

Total weight lost: 12.1 lbs.

Total inches lost: 19”

I am happy with this progress! I’m doing my best to stay on track this week with the holiday. So far so good.

I am 15 days in and there are 15 more to go for the 30 Day System. I will post progress pictures at the 30 day mark. It will be fun to compare!

I would have loved to have lost another 9 lb. this week, but I know it won’t come off that fast. If I lost 3 lbs. per week, I’d be down 12 lbs. in a month and I’d be happy to have lost 24 lbs.! I just have to keep things in perspective.

I’m happy that I’m not having any major cravings and it has been relatively easy to stick to the plan. I’ve had a few stressful moments where my first thought was “I want to stuff my face with food”, but I worked through it and did just fine.

As I’ve said before, it’s just nice not to have to think about food. You can see more about Isagenix here.

 

How did you do this week?

Weigh in Day: 1st Week on Isagenix

If you missed my post where I announced my new plan, be sure to check it out here. I became an associate to save money on the products.

Today marks one week since my husband and I have been following the Isagenix plan.

 

I am very happy with my progress so far. As always, the weekends kind of mix things up a bit and both my hubby and I gained a tiny bit (.3 for me). I think it was because I didn’t drink as much water. We also ate a meal at the in-law's.

 

Here are the details from week one:

Weight Lost:	9.2 lbs.
Inches Lost:	12 1/4”

Pretty amazing! I feel great too. It’s inspiring to see the scale move and to see a new number in the 10’s place. I’m awful close to getting that pedicure for losing my first 10 lbs. on the plan!

I lost the most inches from my chest and abdomen. No big surprise there! I always have to start losing the weight where I really don’t need to first—isn’t that the way it works?

I’m not going to complain about having a smaller chest though…just sayin’.

 

Thoughts about week one:

I was surprised at how quickly the sweets cravings disappeared.

I have felt more energy while on this plan. I’m also sleeping better, which probably helps too.

Sometimes I get really hungry but this is a somewhat new feeling for me because it seems like I usually just eat whether I’m hungry or not. It’s good to get in tune with my body again.

I think the Ionix Supreme is disgusting, but hubby thinks it’s the most delicious thing ever.

It has been such a relief to not have to think about food—this makes me realize how much of a problem food is for me and indicative of my disordered eating. I have experienced lower levels of stress. It’s quite odd.

Our first Cleanse Day went surprisingly well. I had planned to go to the store that day but changed my mind when I realized how much I had to pee!

My favorite IsaLean bar so far is the Chocolate Peanut Crunch. I enjoy this as a meal or 1/2 as an afternoon snack with my coffee. It’s really satisfying.

My favorite IsaLean shake is the Creamy Dutch Chocolate. I added 1/2 a banana this morning and it was yummy.

The Kosher Natural Creamy Vanilla seems to cause me some tummy troubles—like bubbles coming up. Kind of weird. That makes me sad because this afternoon I tried the vanilla with one pack of Orange Replenish and it tasted so so good.

 

Wrapping it up:

I’m a little nervous about Thanksgiving next week! My sister has already told me she is going to support me and do this with me. On Thanksgiving Day, I’ll probably just eat my meal at lunch time and shakes for breakfast and supper. Otherwise, I’ll work at getting in extra activity next week.

Plus, don’t forget the Thankful Journey 5K—we can all burn a few extra calories.

 

How was your weekend? Do you have a plan for how to keep on track over the Thanksgiving holiday?

Weigh in Day: Trying Something New

 

I have wasted another week after not tracking my points. This time, I gained 1.5 lbs.

It’s all me, it’s not Weight Watchers. I just can’t seem to stick to the plan and how long am I going to keep trying to do the same thing?

But I just need a change—even if it’s just for a little while. Something to jump start my weight loss and make me feel good about myself, which always motivates me.

After stepping on the scale this morning, I decided I’ve had enough. I want to see progress and I want to see it now.

I want something strict to get me back on track and I don’t want to have to worry about what I’m going to eat—just for now. I know this is not a long term solution, but it’s what I feel I need to do right now.

I’ve selected a plan that will accomplish this for me. I don’t want to share what it is quite yet—I want to see what I think first. Maybe after the first two weeks are over? We’ll see.

I’ve never done a plan like this so it will be all new to me. I’ve had several friends tell me about their progress and how great they feel. I’ve been skeptical, but at this point I’m ready to try anything. I’m not canceling WW just yet.

So, I bought a 30 day kit of the plan and hubby is going to do it with me and we’ll split the kit and do this for 2 weeks to see what we think.

I’m betting that hubby will lose all of his weight in the first week and I’ll have 3 weeks to myself. HA Isn’t that how it works though?

I’m hopeful.

Weigh in Day: I actually weighed this time!

 

This week wasn’t a good one as far as my eating was concerned. I stopped tracking again. I am wasting so much time—if I just stayed on track I’d probably have lost 30 lbs. by now.

But there’s more to this than willpower. After all, I have been fat since I was about 7 years old—I think there’s some work that needs to be done so I can make the habits stick.

I made the mistake of buying Halloween candy on Wednesday and I just want to eat it! I did buy one big bag of candy that I don’t care for—but those Reese’s snack size pumpkins won’t stop calling my name!

Can I play the hormones card?

However, I did lose 1.9 lbs.—keep him mind that this is over the course of three weeks. I guess it’s not horrible if you think about my goal being to lose 1 lb. per week. But a loss is a loss and it’s better than a gain any day.

	This Week	Last Week
Weekly Points Used:	-	73/49
Activity Points Earned:	21	15
Activity Points Used:	-	15
Total Steps:	46,514	41,407
Weight Loss this Week:	1.9 lbs.	?
Total Weight Loss:	-4.1 lbs.	-

The horror of only having lost 4.1 lbs. since April. Sigh.

In other news, I’ve been working on “me” a little bit. I am using my Gwynnie Bee subscription to try to go outside of my comfort zone a bit.

I’ve been trying the leggings with a dress/tunic look. When I say “go outside of my comfort zone”, I really do mean that my comfort zone is quite boxy and restrictive and most people probably dress like this all of the time and call it a comfy outfit.

I have had zero confidence for most of my life. But I’m putting forth the effort to try to dress in ways that I want to dress but have felt too embarrassed to because of my weight.

That being said, I tried out this Lucie Lu Sativa Dress in Aztec Print and paired it with black leggings, a black Old Navy cardigan, and Madden Girl Black Macramé Portia C Moccasins (Amazon affiliate link)—the shoes are SUPER comfy by the way. I just wore what I had.

I’m obviously no fashion maven, but I felt cute in this outfit while wearing it. When I looked in the mirror though, not so much—I felt like I looked about 7 months pregnant and decided “whatever” and wore it anyways.

Please excuse the mess on the floor in the picture—I wasn’t planning on posting these pictures! Also, my mirror is ancient and has an un-washable fog, hence, the pictures are horrible quality.

I’m considering buying this dress since it’s fairly affordable and it’s really comfy—but I’m not sure I can get over how I feel like I look huge in this dress….decisions, decisions.

I’m loving the Aztec prints right now. My mom bought me this super cute sweater in the Aztec print that is black and white—I love it.

That’s all for now! Have a great weekend and Happy Halloween!

Week in Review: No Weigh In #2

 

We ended up staying a second week at my parent’s so I was not able to weigh in today. Honestly, I’m kind of glad I didn’t have to weigh in since I don’t think the results would be very good. Eek.

I didn’t have any “bad days” or “good days”, but I had good moments and bad moments every single day. In that respect, I call it a win. At no point did I decide, “well I just ate _____ so I might as well just eat whatever I want for the rest of the day/week”. I took it one choice at a time.

When I was out and about I parked farther away and walked. While waiting for my mom at her appointment, I spent some time walking Little Miss Sunshine around in the stroller.

I ate a salad or two. I drank lots of water. I counted my points.

I also ate too many desserts. That’s really my biggest downfall…I just can’t resist desserts.

I really messed it all up right out of the gate last weekend. I was sick and moody and I did some emotional eating. Argh.

 

Here are the stats for the week:

	This Week	Last Week
Weekly Points Used:	73/49	57/49
Activity Points Earned:	15	29
Activity Points Used:	15	29
Total Steps:	41,407	54,062
Weight Loss this Week:	?	?
Total Weight Loss:	?	-

After looking at my stats, I really did pretty horribly!! Here’s to a better week this week! I will be home for sure and will have to face the scale next Friday!

 

How did your week go?

Week in Review: not weighing in

I’m not able to weigh in today since I’m at my parents and I didn’t pack my scale. But I thought I would check in to update you on how I did this past week.

I counted everything that I ate and I was right on track until last night when we went out to dinner for my dad’s birthday and I also had a brownie with coconut pecan frosting, which I made for his birthday.

While eating out, I ordered a salad instead of fries to save on points. Overall, I ended up going over 8 points for the week. That’s not so bad considering!

I thought about not tracking my food when I knew I would probably go over, but my friend Staci told me that I should just track what I eat for better or worse—so that’s what I did. I’m glad that I tracked because if I hadn’t, I would have assumed that I had done far worse.

Yesterday, I took Little Miss Sunshine on a walk to the park I used to play at as a child, which is at the elementary school I went to. It’s amazing how things change. I was happy to get that activity in and the weather was beautiful.

I try to work the “what you can, when you can” philosophy and walk as much as I can when I am out and about—whether it’s parking farther away or just walking around more while I’m shopping. It all adds up!

Here are the stats for the week:

	This Week	Last Week
Weekly Points Used:	57/49	-
Activity Points Earned:	29	27
Activity Points Used:	29	-
Total Steps:	54,062	51,354
Weight Loss this Week:	?	-
Total Weight Loss:	?	-

I’ll probably just wait until next week to weigh in. I’m kind of enjoying feeling ok about my week regardless of what the scale says. I will aim to keep it within my points allowance this next week!

 

How did your week go?

Weigh in Day: How did I get here?

 

I had another gain this week which puts me only a couple of pounds below my starting weight. And I can feel it.

My body feels huge and unfamiliar. This isn’t me. It can’t be. I’ve already successfully lost a lot of weight—how can I find it such an impossible task now?

It’s because I never fixed the root cause and I do believe the cause is emotional eating.

I saw a picture of myself sitting down yesterday. For some reason sitting down pictures are just horrific—all of the blubber piles up and isn’t distributed like when I’m standing up. I couldn’t believe it was me. I seriously did not know I was that big. How did that happen?

Yesterday was the first time I couldn’t do something with my daughter that I wanted to because of my weight. There was this giant jumping pillow and it said you had to weigh less than 225 lbs. to jump on it. I hated that. I was able to take her down this huge slide though.

I’ve begun again today and I’m tracking my food, which hasn’t been happening regularly.

I feel like I’m at a great place to begin addressing the emotional eating issues again. I’m going to make an appointment to meet with my therapist again when I can—probably not for a couple of weeks.

I am feeling really well lately (except for the brief few days last weekend). I have my old energy back.

I met a friend for a little outing last week and went to the fall festival yesterday. I never would have survived either of those activities a few weeks ago without breaking down in tears.

I’ve actually kept the house relatively clean for about three weeks now. It helps that the FIL has been coming over pretty regularly! haha But really, I have been doing a great job keeping the house looking good. I’ve also kept up on the laundry and have cooked some new recipes! That’s pretty good comparing to where I have been.

This afternoon I was feeling that emotional eating feeling and I wanted to stuff my face with sugar. I stopped and I thought about it and made a conscious decision to drink a cup of coffee instead. It wasn’t long and the feeling passed and I felt just fine. Victory! I can do this, but it will take a lot of mindfulness.

But I just have to do this. I cannot gain any more weight or get any larger. I’m miserable, so why do I keep doing this to myself? I know I’m not alone in this but it sure feels like I’m the only weird one.

Anyways, thanks for reading and have a great weekend!

“Normal” Again

It’s Friday and that means it’s my weigh in day.

But I just don’t want to talk about it. Besides, you’ve heard the same ol’ story plenty o’ times.

I’m like a broken record. The same thing over, and over, and over again. I’m stuck in this cycle of lose some, gain some, stay the same, gain some and that’s not all that conducive to weight loss.

So I’m just not gonna go there today and I’m not going to let it ruin my day.

Oh, if I were only skinny and all of my problems melted away. Wishful thinking…I think we all have problems—skinny or fat.

In other news, I’ve really and truly been enjoying life lately.

For the first time in a long, long, long, long, long time I feel normal. Whatever that is—well, it’s how I feel these days. How I have missed normalcy throughout this postpartum depression journey.

My mood has been upbeat and positive. I’m back to the old me—although I still fear that the darkness will sweep over me again and envelop me in its strangling grip.

I wait for it.

Any moment.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

But it hasn’t come…yet.

I’m so much better equipped now than I was back when I was just “the old me”. The experience I had at the doctor yesterday wasn’t new to me. It has happened so many times that I’ve come to expect it.

But you know what? It bummed me out for a while. I called my mom and cried my tears and spilled my heart out. And she told me to remember how I felt prior to the appointment and how happy I was that I was feeling normal.

And so I felt the pain. Processed the feelings. I realized that how I perceived this doctor was treating me and looking at me does not mean that view of me is accurate. Her opinion about me as a person really doesn’t matter—but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me.

But I am a survivor, not a victim. And so I tuck that little bit of hurt into another paragraph in my book of wisdom and I choose to move on.

I’m getting stronger, you see—stronger than I ever was before. I’ve been shattered into pieces and have put myself back together again with the help of loved ones and understanding experts—oh, and medication.

The sun is finally shining on my soul again and I pray that the dark clouds stay far, far away.