Getting Started Again

It's the beginning of a new year so that means it's time to set goals again. And, as always, losing weight is at the top of my list. It has to be because I weigh more than ever.

Why is it that every time you lose weight, if you gain it back you also gain back more? Sigh.

Anyways, it is what it is.

Over the last while of eating whatever I want, I have finally gotten over judging myself for every single bite of food I put into my mouth. I will call that progress, even if my weight has gone up.

Now is the tricky part, to begin nourishing my body without thinking of it as deprivation or as a diet. It's a mental thing.

I have been working on accepting myself as who I am. That I can be both overweight and accepted at the same time. That's hard! I'm trying to respect myself more, to just be me and be proud of it. I am learning to love myself for who I am instead of beating myself for who I wish I was. Does that make sense?

So yesterday was my first day. Actually, hubby and I are doing this together again. My plan is to drink my two shakes per day, 2-3 snacks per day, and one healthy meal. Yesterday I was really hungry at lunch, so I had a salad with my shake.

It's about nourishing my body, right? I mean seriously-- just because having a salad with my shake isn't on plan, should I really beat myself up for eating a SALAD? I think I should give myself a pat on the back for choosing something nourishing.

Yesterday wasn't perfect. It was hubby's last day of his vacation and that makes things a little different than when we're in our regular routines! Today should show a little more progress! Overall, I'm happy.

However, I made the mistake of stepping on the scale this morning thinking that I surely shed a lot of weight. Only lost .1 lb. Yep, basically stayed the same. So I had to remind myself that I FEEL better. I feel smaller and lighter and that's what is important!

Are you starting again?

Changing Things Up: Adding in Weight Watchers (again)

I’ve been thinking about adding Weight Watchers back into my life for a while. I am not quitting my Isagenix plan by any means—I am in love with the product and how it makes me feel. But being that I am trying to learn how to have a healthy relationship with food, I thought that adding in Weight Watchers might be a good idea.

I’ve been struggling since February, and not because Isagenix doesn’t work. I just lost my mojo—despite seeing incredible results. I’ve since discovered that it’s because I struggle with Binge Eating Disorder and despite whatever efforts I’ve ever made to lose weight (many times with success)—I always fall back into these habits whenever I have something going on in my head which triggers my disordered eating.

I am continuing therapy and have seen progress, albeit very slow, by doing so. It’s a process. I have to change the way that I think about food. I have to be mindful of every bite. I have to learn to find a new way to cope with emotions and to find comfort. That will take time. I’ve been fostering these habits for 20+ years and I can’t expect to change over night.

One thing I’ve started to do is to think about food differently. I’m trying to eliminate the “good” or “bad” food concept. It’s just food—it doesn’t have any impact on my value as a human being.

For example, while dining out recently I ordered a side salad and a small order of garlic parmesan fries. I rarely eat fries and the garlic parmesan part just sounded amazing.

It took me a long time to figure out what to order and it was because I was being very mindful. I finally settled on just ordering two items ala cart because it’s what I really wanted and was the amount of food I could eat without over indulging.

I didn’t feel stuffed afterwards. I felt satisfied. I enjoyed that meal more than any meal I’ve had in a very long time. I tried not to beat myself up for eating fries, a perceived “bad” food in my book.

For me, it’s about realizing that the 20th bite, when I’m actually well past full, never tastes as good as the 1st or 2nd bite tastes. It’s about realizing that the first 19 bites did not make me feel better, so continuing to eat to try to find comfort is not working. I seem to think that the more I eat and the faster I eat will somehow satisfy whatever emotional hunger I have. It never, ever does—and it’s realizing that which is inspiring me to change my habits.

Starting Weight Watchers will help me learn to eat the right portion sizes again and to be more mindful of the impact that the food is having on my body. It will help influence my food choices.

A lot has changed since I followed Weight Watchers last! There are no longer PointsPlus values but points are now called SmartPoints. It seems that the calculation of points includes calories, saturated fat, sugar, and protein.

I finally made the decision to add WW to my current plan when I saw that you can get 3 months for 55% off today since it’s Cinco de Mayo. You can sign up here. 3 months gives me a good amount of time to decide if my modified plan is working for me or not!

Weigh in Day: Week 2 on Isagenix

 

I had another good week. As expected, the weight loss was smaller this week—but I am also losing inches so that is exciting.

I lost 2.9 lbs. this week and a little over 6”.

Total weight lost: 12.1 lbs.

Total inches lost: 19”

I am happy with this progress! I’m doing my best to stay on track this week with the holiday. So far so good.

I am 15 days in and there are 15 more to go for the 30 Day System. I will post progress pictures at the 30 day mark. It will be fun to compare!

I would have loved to have lost another 9 lb. this week, but I know it won’t come off that fast. If I lost 3 lbs. per week, I’d be down 12 lbs. in a month and I’d be happy to have lost 24 lbs.! I just have to keep things in perspective.

I’m happy that I’m not having any major cravings and it has been relatively easy to stick to the plan. I’ve had a few stressful moments where my first thought was “I want to stuff my face with food”, but I worked through it and did just fine.

As I’ve said before, it’s just nice not to have to think about food. You can see more about Isagenix here.

 

How did you do this week?

Weigh in Day: 1st Week on Isagenix

If you missed my post where I announced my new plan, be sure to check it out here. I became an associate to save money on the products.

Today marks one week since my husband and I have been following the Isagenix plan.

 

I am very happy with my progress so far. As always, the weekends kind of mix things up a bit and both my hubby and I gained a tiny bit (.3 for me). I think it was because I didn’t drink as much water. We also ate a meal at the in-law's.

 

Here are the details from week one:

Weight Lost:	9.2 lbs.
Inches Lost:	12 1/4”

Pretty amazing! I feel great too. It’s inspiring to see the scale move and to see a new number in the 10’s place. I’m awful close to getting that pedicure for losing my first 10 lbs. on the plan!

I lost the most inches from my chest and abdomen. No big surprise there! I always have to start losing the weight where I really don’t need to first—isn’t that the way it works?

I’m not going to complain about having a smaller chest though…just sayin’.

 

Thoughts about week one:

I was surprised at how quickly the sweets cravings disappeared.

I have felt more energy while on this plan. I’m also sleeping better, which probably helps too.

Sometimes I get really hungry but this is a somewhat new feeling for me because it seems like I usually just eat whether I’m hungry or not. It’s good to get in tune with my body again.

I think the Ionix Supreme is disgusting, but hubby thinks it’s the most delicious thing ever.

It has been such a relief to not have to think about food—this makes me realize how much of a problem food is for me and indicative of my disordered eating. I have experienced lower levels of stress. It’s quite odd.

Our first Cleanse Day went surprisingly well. I had planned to go to the store that day but changed my mind when I realized how much I had to pee!

My favorite IsaLean bar so far is the Chocolate Peanut Crunch. I enjoy this as a meal or 1/2 as an afternoon snack with my coffee. It’s really satisfying.

My favorite IsaLean shake is the Creamy Dutch Chocolate. I added 1/2 a banana this morning and it was yummy.

The Kosher Natural Creamy Vanilla seems to cause me some tummy troubles—like bubbles coming up. Kind of weird. That makes me sad because this afternoon I tried the vanilla with one pack of Orange Replenish and it tasted so so good.

 

Wrapping it up:

I’m a little nervous about Thanksgiving next week! My sister has already told me she is going to support me and do this with me. On Thanksgiving Day, I’ll probably just eat my meal at lunch time and shakes for breakfast and supper. Otherwise, I’ll work at getting in extra activity next week.

Plus, don’t forget the Thankful Journey 5K—we can all burn a few extra calories.

 

How was your weekend? Do you have a plan for how to keep on track over the Thanksgiving holiday?

My New Plan Unveiled

I’ve decided to go ahead and tell you what the new program is that I’ve been so secretive about while I tried it for a bit. I’m really happy with it. I have hope and motivation for the first time in…I don’t even know when. But I want to do a little explaining first.

You’ve been along this journey with me and you know all of the struggles I’ve been having. It has done a number on my self-confidence and I have felt pretty hopeless.

For a little recap, I lost almost 90 lbs. on Weight Watchers, gained it back and more by the time I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression when the little one was 10 months old and have been struggling prior to that and after that.

Over the years, I have counted calories, tried clean eating, followed Trim Healthy Mama, Weight Watchers numerous times, Advocare, the Atkins Diet, South Beach Diet, and Metabolife. I have been dieting since I was in elementary school.

Most of these methods afforded me weight loss at some point—some more than others, but I never got to my goal on any of the programs. My previous endeavor at Weight Watchers was the time that I thought it would all “stick” and that I had truly changed my habits.

Unfortunately, I was wrong and as soon as I had high levels of stress in my life all of the weight came back on and I reverted back to my old habits—ones I’ve had since I’ve been a child. I had not “cured” myself, I was simply taking care of the side effects of my real issue by losing weight. All along I struggled with emotional eating.

 

My new plan has two parts that will complement each other.

Part One: The Plan

I heard about it a year and a half ago and brushed it off, not believing the rave reviews from friends—but I stayed a part of the Facebook group. Here we are a year and a half later and these ladies are still raving about it.

Last Friday, after not being able to get myself back on track (yet again)—I decided what I was doing was insane.

Trying to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results is insanity. And at that very moment I decided to join and stop WW for a while—I have since canceled WW.

I’m not saying WW doesn’t work or isn’t a good plan—I think it’s definitely a good plan and works for many, many people. However, I have also finally accepted that there is no “one size fits all” plan when it comes to weight loss and learning how to maintain weight.

That being said, I am trying something completely different and something that I would have (and did) scoff at in the past.

But it’s time to try something new and I won’t know the outcome unless I try. We’ll call it another endeavor, another experiment to see if this new way will work for me. So please hear me out and understand my perspective.

The new plan that both hubby and I are following is called Isagenix. We ordered one 30-Day Cleansing and Fat Burning System with the intent of each of us trying it for 15 days to see what we think because I was skeptical and pretty jaded.

The first day went well for me but hubby came home with a horrific headache and was ready to quit. Apparently, that is very common as the body gets rid of toxins. He decided he’d try another day.

On Day 2, we both felt fantastic. It’s really hard to explain. Of course we felt lighter, but we also felt that grogginess lift and I definitely have experienced more mental clarity and less brain fog. Part of this system is supposed to combat stress and fatigue—something we all know that I need.

I even noticed my skin looking better.

Anyways, the system is all natural and organic. You drink 2 shakes per day, eat 2 snacks, and eat one balanced meal that’s 400-600 calories. One day per week you do a cleanse—not a colon cleanse.

At this point, you’re probably about ready to give me a lecture. I know, I get it. I really do. But I’m also feeling the need to try something new, have some success, and get my life back again…I just have to try.

You have to remember that while many people gain back the weight with programs like this, many people also gain back the weight with other programs and ways of eating, including WW. But there are also some people who follow a plan like this, completely change their lives and the weight never comes back on. There are success stories as well as failures in every plan.

This plan will be paired with exercise, of course.

Both hubby and I have lost about 8 lbs. in 4 days (Monday through Thursday). My clothes are definitely fitting better, I have much more energy, and we’re both sleeping better (our Fitbits prove it!).

My plan is to lose the weight, fix the issues, and maintain when the time comes. Isagenix does have a plan for maintenance too. I have a lot of support from my family.

The next part should make you feel better if you are skeptical.

 

Part Two: Therapy

Today was my first session with a new therapist. At my Doctor’s Appointment, I asked to be referred to a therapist who specialized in disordered eating and my doctor promised to research and find the best one for me. And she did!

I absolutely love this therapist. She is so kind and understanding. She used to be a Stay at Home Mom and totally understands what that’s like. I just feel like I formed a better connection with her.

This session was more of a “get to know me” session. She summarized that she thought we needed to work on my “all or nothing” mentality, my perfectionism, low self-confidence, handling stress, and developing a support system that is here in Iowa. She recommended joining MOPS.

She told me to keep writing about what I’m going through and feeling—so you’re still on the hook for reading about my issues!

I don’t get to go back for about a month because of the holiday, etc. I have a homework assignment to come up with a list of things that I want more of and things I want less of. I love that I have an assignment because it makes me feel like I’m thoughtfully and intentionally working to better myself.

She saw that I was just “done” and willing to do whatever it takes to fix the mental issues so that I can finally lose the weight for good. I really feel like that’s the place where I’m at. I have just felt so hopeless and hit rock bottom this past year. I used to be too afraid to go to therapy for this, but I am finally ready.

 

So there you have it! This is what I’m doing and I’m glad I told you so I can start telling you all of the details along this new direction in my journey!

 

I ask that you please be kind in the comments. Please understand where I’m coming from and I also ask that you please be respectful. Your support would mean the world to me. Thanks!