Inspiration Sunday

Weigh in Day: Switching to Simply Filling

I lost 2.2 lbs. this week after my gain last week. I’m happy with that because I feel like I’m making progress despite numerous setbacks. That’s a total loss of 6.7 lbs…so I am up overall from my lowest, but I’m still on the losing side from where I began, so I’ll take that as a win.

I’ve been really struggling with eating the right foods. I’m not so sure it comes down to willpower or if those junky foods really do affect our body chemistry in a way that makes us feel like we need the foods—as if we’re addicted.

A simple solution is to keep the foods out of the house but somehow I keep thinking, I can eat anything I want on Weight Watchers if I do so in moderation. And that’s fine and dandy if I actually kept to that rule and only ate in moderation—but all too often I end up eating too much and then throw in the towel.

So I believe that I need to spend at least a week eating good, nutritious foods so that I can get myself back into the mindset that I used to have where I actually did eat all foods in moderation—and that didn’t mean eating 1 serving of this junk food, and 1 serving of that junk food, and maybe 1/2 a serving of another junk food. You get the point.

Yesterday, I tricked myself into believing that I was changing my weigh in day and that I was starting a new plan. I actually changed it all on Weight Watchers and weighed in and everything. This helped me get back on track yesterday instead of waiting until today. So today, I weighed in again and deleted yesterday’s weigh in and changed my weigh in day back to Friday in the system. Tricky. Tricky. And sad that I require these mind games!

What’s my new plan, you ask? I’m going to follow Simply Filling for at least a week. So far so good. It’s all a mind game, once again. I like that I can eat a variety of healthy foods and not have to count the points for them. But my trial run yesterday showed me that 1) I really need to get groceries, 2) I will have to practice moderation with foods that aren’t on the list of Simply Filling foods, 3) I feel so much better physically when I’m eating nutritious foods.

The last two days I’ve eaten oatmeal with fruit for breakfast along with a glass of milk. For a snack, I ate Smart Pop popcorn. I kind of overindulged for dinner at the in-law’s house because their cooking is just so good. Thankfully, there were also lots of veggies so I didn’t do too horribly.

I want to start seeing the weight come off again. I have been hovering around the same weight for far too long and it’s simply because I’m not staying on track—I quit counting my points.

I keep reminding myself that it’s not too late to change my habits so that the little one learns the skills for living a healthy life. She’s still a baby and I can still do this! But I also need to be very careful not to be too hard on myself and feel like a bad mother because I’m obese— I travel down that road far too often and I need to let go of guilt, per my therapist!

My only focus this week will be to follow the Simply Filling plan. Exercise will be an added benefit if I feel up to it. All too often I start something with great intentions such as, I’m going to eat X way, exercise 5x this week, drink 64 oz. of water, eliminate all sugar and carbs, only eat fat in the mornings, etc. etc. Nope, starting small again this time.

I have a feeling that I will get over the food boredom I’ve had lately once I start cooking those delicious meals with fresh and healthy foods!

 

How was your week? Did you meet any goals? Are you making any small changes? Do you have a favorite Simply Filling recipe to share?

Weigh in Day Surprise: The Journey of Renovation in Weight Loss and Self-Love

I really messed it up this past week. I mean really badly. I was out of control with my eating.

I think it’s because I have been stressing about having a guest today. I’m feeling a lot better at the moment because I finally finished cleaning the entire house, with the exception of our bedroom—which will be my next project. I mean really and truly clean—hardly hiding any messes! You know what I mean? ha

I also have been pushing myself outside of my comfort zone in some relationships. I am a work in progress and I am seeing change in myself that I thought would never, ever happen. And it’s rewarding to me. It has brought me peace of heart in a way that I cannot explain. But it has been a little stressful for me—but as I keep going, it will get easier and more comfortable.

But anyways, I was expecting a gain this morning. I feel horrible. I look horribly bloated from the terrible food choices (sugary sweets). I don’t know how I did for points because I stopped tracking, once again.

In the midst of all of this, I am paying attention to how I am feeling, how I’m reacting, and I’m journaling it all. I just know I am going to conquer this lifelong demon that I have let control me (a part of myself without good judgment).

So get on with already, Alissa!

I lost 2.2 lbs. this week. Total loss of 9.4 lbs. I didn’t earn it in the least bit, but I’m going to take it and let it motivate me to do better.

Now that I think about it, I have made some positive changes and progress that doesn’t show on the scale but that I think will help me in the long run. I’m in the midst of transformation and renovation.

Everyone knows that a cocoon isn’t very beautiful, but the butterfly is.

When an old building is renovated, there’s a lost of dust, junk, and a lot of mess. But when an old building is renewed, it’s sometimes even more beautiful than it was in the first place.

This process is messy. It’s ugly. It even hurts sometimes.

But just like when I don’t have the energy to truly clean the house and it’s easier to just hide messes, I refuse to just hide my problems and struggles so that I don’t have to acknowledge them.

Not this time.

Not ever again.

I’m under construction right now, but after a lot of hard work and dedication (not just on the scale) I will be transformed into something more beautiful than ever before.

The walls I’ve built up will come down. The junk will be emptied out of the drawers (and my trunk - ha). I will be renewed and ready to face down those demons once and for all.

But for now, I am still a work in progress.

First Day with my Passion Planner

Today was my first day using the Passion Planner and I am happy with my productivity. I hope I can keep this up!

My plan was to wake up at 6 a.m. but when my alarm went off I just couldn’t do it. There are some days that I am naturally awake at 6 a.m. but I was especially tired today. So I slept and I felt much better when I woke up at 7:30. I was bummed that I didn’t follow my plan, but it all worked out wonderfully because I was still able to fit in everything, except writing, into my morning before baby woke up.

That means I biked for 20 minutes, took a shower, meditated, did some laundry, checked my email/blog things, and prepared breakfast. I felt so productive and that was a good feeling. I was actually just lucky that baby girl slept later than usual this morning.

There’s something about getting my shower in first thing that just changes the entire day for me. I definitely want to try to do that.

Once baby was awake, we ate breakfast and then headed off to get groceries. She was such a good girl this time and it made it significantly less stressful for me! Yay!

I got to sip on Starbucks while grocery shopping and picked up some cheap sushi to bring home for lunch.

My afternoon didn’t quite go as planned, but that’s ok. I had a conference call for a new partnership, and shortly after that baby woke up early from her nap screaming. Poor girl. She acted like she didn’t feel well. So I rocked her for quite a while…which is something that I never get to do anymore because she doesn’t usually sit still!

I had planned to take her to the pool for a little while but it was raining and with her not acting herself I didn’t want to risk it. Like I said, the afternoon was just all off, but I managed to do more laundry and prepare a good supper while also keeping baby happy as best as I could. We went outside when it wasn’t raining.

When hubby got home, we ate supper and then headed over to his parent’s to pick up sweet corn and the first garden tomatoes! So excited to try those tomorrow! Yum! One of the best parts of summer.

I made sure to straighten up the house again tonight so that things don’t just pile up and become overwhelming. I definitely want to keep that up because it’s much easier to do it regularly than after it piles up!

So that was a short summary of my day and while I’m happy with it, I feel like I’m just learning how I will be able to structure my day so that I feel productive. I know it’s not really possible to do it ALL, but I’m going to try to do the best I can.

I have four goals that I am working on, which the Passion Planner has helped me with.

1. Get rid of “stuff”/organize and keep the house clean
2. Take time to meditate consistently both morning and night
3. Workout 5 days per week
4. Writing & Blog goals

These are all small goals which lead to greater things eventually. I’m excited about this because I think I need some structure. Whenever I do anything, I always like to have a plan—so why not apply it to personal goals?

I’ve already decided that I will make a general plan for each day but fill in the details of the next day the night before. It’s kind of hard to plan everything too far in advance. I’ve found myself having to white out quite a bit!

Also, my planner looks super messy! But overall, I’m really loving this so far!

Do you use a planner?

Weigh in Day: My Body is Weird

 

After a couple of weeks without exercise or tracking my points you can about imagine what I would see on the scale. But guess what?

I lost 2.5 lbs.!

I am just as shocked. If you remember, three weeks ago I had a fantastic week and gained 1.7 lbs. I’ve jokingly mentioned before that I seem to lose when I eat more and exercise less. Once again this has proved true. My body is weird.

Obviously that philosophy is flawed, but it does give me some insight into the way that my body works. Starving myself won’t be beneficial, nor will bingeing uncontrollably. It’s that ground right in between of just normal eating of pretty much everything in moderation. And of course a focus on the healthy things. That’s how I lost the weight before and that’s how I can lose it again. How could I forget this?

Stats:

	This Week	Last Week
Weekly Points Used:	-	-
Activity Points Earned:	18	17
Activity Points Used:	-	-
Total Steps:	44,216	43,518
Weight Loss this Week:	2.5 lbs.	-

I’m glad that I had a loss because it puts me at 11 lbs. lost, which is just .3 lbs. above my lowest weight. I’m ready to get serious about this again and this time I will have the help of hubby. He is wanting to lose some weight again and I think we can do this together.

Next week will be the first week that I begin to use my Passion Planner to schedule my days. I’ve planned a 6 a.m. wake up to workout. I will have to see how this goes and if it’s something I think I could keep doing and enjoy it.

The other option is to workout in the evenings with hubby, but it’s too easy to decide I’m too tired at the end of the day and not want to do anything. I used to enjoy getting my workout out of the way first thing but I’m not going to hold myself to any specific schedule for the following week because this is all about determining when I enjoy working out the most so that I can be consistent with it. I’ll start with this plan next week and go from there.

I’ve also realized that I haven’t been cooking like I used to. In the past, I would try new recipes and find healthy ways to make delicious dishes. This week I’ve made some different meals and they have been very satisfying to the palate. I look forward to trying more recipes next week and also creating a meal plan, at least for suppers.

This is the perfect time of the year to eat healthy. We’ve started to get a lot of produce from hubby’s parents since they have a huge garden: Green beans, zucchini, carrots, potatoes, onions, kale, cabbage, just to name a few. I’m definitely gong to be searching for more zucchini recipes this year. If you have any, please share!

Have a great weekend!

How was your week? Did you meet your goals?

Weigh in Day & Honoring my Commitment

I started this week off tracking everything I ate and sometime Saturday I quit tracking. Monday morning I started tracking again and come Tuesday I wasn’t tracking at all. However, this doesn’t mean I was eating everything in sight. I would say that I ate “intuitively” for the most part. Not all good and not all bad.

I definitely need to track my food—and I definitely want to do that this next week. I want to get back to how well I was doing at the beginning of this and I know I can do that—no holidays this week! But the 4th of July is coming up so this will be the perfect week to practice being on track before the holiday throws me a curve ball.

Alright, so for the results. I lost 1.6 lbs. this week!! That puts me at my lowest weight yet and a total of 11.3 lbs. lost in 12 weeks. Being just under 1 lb. per week- I can handle that. That’s progress.

Stats for the week:

• Weekly Points Used: --
• Activity Points Earned: 11
• Activity Points Used: --
• Total steps: 37,286
• Weight Loss this Week: –1.6
• Total Weight Loss to Date: –11.3 lbs.

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And now for more good news. I said I was going to start the Couch to 5K this week and I finally did it. I got my workout clothes together last night so they were ready to go. I woke up early, fought a million battles in my head and finally got downstairs to get it done…well, after I removed all of the clutter in front of the treadmill.

Honestly, I think I was making it harder than it is in my mind. I remember when I used to do this that I couldn’t run for the 60 seconds without stopping. I slowly worked my way up to running miles at a time. I’m happy to say that I can still “jog” for 60 seconds without stopping.

Since this was my first jog back, I took it a little slower and jogged at a 4.5 mph pace. Towards the end I had to back it off to 4 mph…which I know would be walking for some of you, but I do not have long legs and I am kind of a slow walker—so this is still a slow jog for me.

Anyways, I completed the workout and felt like I wanted to die at the end. See?

But it’s done and I think that finishing strong will spark a fire in me. I forgot how good it feels to blast my music and just focus on moving my body and putting one step in front of the other.

I listened to my old playlist back from when I started and from when I was doing really well with my weight loss. I heard Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter” and that was always a song that inspired me. These are excerpts from the song that have always inspired me in this journey.

After all that you put me through,
You think I'd despise you,
But in the end I wanna thank you,
'Cause you've made me that much stronger

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

But in the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME
I am a fighter and I
I ain't gonna stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough

I turned on my HR on my Fitbit and it shows that I was in the fat burning zone for basically the entire workout. I spent like a second in cardio—so I guess I didn’t get my cardio in. haha…but I’m counting it as cardio.

So there ya have it! How was your weigh in?

What My Future Self Would Do

After reading Roni’s post a month ago, I have been wanting to sit down and write about what my future self would do. I think that it will be insightful as to what my goals really are and how I could start working towards them.

• Set an alarm and wake up early to get a workout in first thing in the morning.
• Search for new healthy recipes to try and plan to make a new meal each week.
• Take time to sit down and read a good book.
• Have an organized and clutter free house.
• Do some form of strength training and have a toned body.
• Be able to go to the pool in a swimsuit and not feel self-conscious.
• Never let my weight get in the way of living life.
• Complete a triathlon.
• Be a good example of eating and living healthfully for my children.
• Eat vegetables at every meal.
• Have a BFF for girl talk.
• Take more care of my appearance.
• Write things that people would connect with and would make a difference.
• Have a workout that I truly enjoy.
• Finish a 5K towards the top of my age group.
• Be at a healthy weight.
• Would consistently reach 10,000 steps per day on the Fitbit.

As I look at this list, there are quite a few things that I can start working on now. For example, I should get started on that Couch to 5K program like I talked about. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by my goals, I will start making small steps toward achieving them.

What would your future self do?

I’m back!

Hello everyone! It has been quite a while since I posted—which wasn’t intentional! I decided to go to my parent’s last week and I forgot my laptop at home so I just decided to take a little break.

I had good intentions to stay on track and I even brought along my scale so I could weigh on Friday. However, I didn’t. The Weight Watcher app quit working, so that was one problem…and really annoying. Otherwise, I enjoyed my time and don’t regret it.

I did step on the scale on Friday and quickly stepped off and decided to just skip the weigh in and give myself a break. I meant to get back on track on Friday, but once again I didn’t…until today. Hopefully I can undo some of the damage by Friday.

I was nervous about making the almost 4 hour drive alone with baby girl since I didn’t know how she would handle it. She did awesome though! She slept about half of the way there and I was prepared with lots of new toys after that. On the way home, she was up almost the entire way home but I get her entertained with her toys and snacks. She just looked out the window quite a bit too. Whew! I’m so glad that went well so I know that I can do it again.

We had so much fun but it seemed to go by super quickly. My sister and kids came for one day and baby girl had so much fun being around other kids and my nephew who is about a month older than her.

It was nice having a big fenced in back yard for her to walk around and play in. I had fun playing baseball with the older kids. It has been a really long time since I had the energy to do something like that.

My sister and I went to Old Navy for a little shopping. I found a couple of things on clearance that I’m loving. Here are the little shopping buddies.

And of course it’s always nice to be around my mom. I wish we lived closer! Baby girl adores her too.

I feel like I got a lot done over the weekend too…like I said, I’m so happy my energy is back!! I found a really cute chevron tote on a for sale group for $5, so I snatched that up. I sorted through all of baby girl’s toys and put some away for storage and others in bins on a shelf so they’re not all over the place anymore. It looks so much more organized.

I also consolidated baby clothes that have been sitting around, did some laundry, washed up the infant seat, and cut up fruit. This morning I went through my tank top drawer and made some decisions to get rid of things. Almost everything is too small and there is no point in holding on to things I won’t be able to wear for a long time—besides, they can all be replaced someday if I want to…I’m a bargain shopper so it’s not that big of a deal. I’m going to list them all for sale or take them to consignment to get a few extra bucks.

Slowly but surely I am going to get our house in order. When I was at my parent’s, I just loved how much it felt like home. Everything is so clean and perfect and in its place with no clutter. The backyard is beautifully landscaped, weed free, and full of beautiful flowers and plants. I kept thinking about how I wish we had a house and yard like that, but then I realized that I can MAKE our home like that…! And I’m excited to do so!

Well, I better get going so I can get some things accomplished during nap time!

How was your week?

Do you have a Survivor or Victim Mentality in Weight Loss and Life?

The concept of survivor vs. victim mentality was introduced to me in a counseling session, of which I have been going to for postpartum depression recovery. We were discussing a difficult relationship and her advice was invaluable to me—I do plan to blog about dealing with negative relationships soon, but what I find especially intriguing right now is applying this concept to weight loss.

I believe that I have taken on both the survivor and the victim mentality throughout the years. I remember the first time that I met my doctor and I was struggling to lose more weight, having already lost a significant amount, and she told me “you are NOT a failure”. I hadn’t mentioned anything about feeling like a failure, but somehow she had just the right words.

I remember coming home, getting on my recumbent bike and biking my heart out with tears streaming down my face.

I am NOT a failure. I, Alissa, am NOT a failure.

The thought was amazingly freeing and it was a huge turning point for me.

I finally realized that all of the heartbreak I had endured with various people (adults, coaches, and peers) telling me that who I was wasn’t good enough, skinny enough, fast enough, talented enough, pretty enough, outgoing enough—none of that was true.

These were no longer excuses for me to feel like a victim broken by life and like I didn’t measure up—instead, they were experiences that made me stronger, better, and kinder. I was a survivor of these experiences. It doesn’t mean that these experiences were not painful, that they weren’t wrong in so many ways, or that it was even a gift that I went through them. It simply meant that life threw cruelty in my face in so many ways and that I am still standing strong—better for it.

It took me a very long time to get to this place of acceptance and strength. And to this day, I can honestly say that I truly believe that the comments made about me and cruel actions towards me are not a reflection of myself, but a reflection of the inflictor. These were their issues, not mine. I am a survivor.

A SURVIVOR.

The word simply invokes strength out of what felt like weakness. It is a shift in mentality that I am finding is a key to happiness.

And so I have been thinking about ways in which I am taking on a victim role in regard to weight loss and my life in general. These are areas of my life that I need to take responsibility for and take action. That doesn’t mean that they are not valid, or that I am silly for feeling a certain way—it simply means that to move forward and to be a survivor, I have to take action. Nobody can do this for me except for me.

• Victim mentality: I have always felt like I received the short end of the stick in the genetics department. Somehow, I inherited the weight problem.
• Survivor mentality: I may have been born with a tendency to be overweight, but I can make changes to get my health under control.

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• Victim mentality: I can’t stop eating my emotions because so and so invokes these feelings and makes me upset.
• Survivor mentality: No one controls my actions except for me. So and so may be unkind, but I am allowing myself to get upset and I am also choosing to eat.

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• Victim mentality: No one likes me as much as they like so and so. They never have and they never will.
• Survivor mentality: Even if people were cruel in the past, it doesn’t mean that everyone is that way or that it was my fault. If I try to be more friendly, people will probably respond—if they don’t, that’s their problem, not mine.

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• Victim mentality: Everyone else can eat whatever they want whenever they want. If I so much as look at a cookie, I will gain 10 lbs. It’s just not fair.
• Survivor mentality: Maybe it doesn’t seem fair, but this is the body I have been given and I will only live once. It’s not that I don’t get to eat delicious foods, it’s just that I have set goals that I want to meet and so I must practice moderation. I will be happier having met my goals. The sooner I accept the fact that this is just the way my metabolism is, the sooner I can take steps to move forward.

 

My examples are kind of “big” issues, but I think it’s easy to have the victim mentality in many shapes and forms. Throughout my journey with PPD, I have learned that my thoughts are incredibly impactful.

Just because we have a victim mentality right now does not mean that we can’t change the way that we think. It’s possible. It takes a lot of mindfulness to identify these thoughts and then change them—but it’s possible.

I can be a survivor and so can you.

 

Can you identify any ways that you have taken on the victim mentality? How can you change that into the survivor mentality?

Week 1 of One Little Change per Week #wycwyc

Now that I have seen a glimpse of good days and more energy, I want to put those times to good use so that I get the most out of the days when I feel good. Although not every day has been a good day, I’m getting far more glimpses of the old me and that in itself is encouraging and inspiring to me. Postpartum depression WILL NOT last forever, despite what it felt like just a short while ago before I reached out for help. 

I finally feel ready.

I finally feel ready to start making changes to take charge of my health and my life again. But at the same time, when confronted with the task of making an overhaul to my life, I felt overwhelmed at the thought of it all. And so I decided that I would make one little change each week until I’m back to where I used to be and even farther along than that (someday).

I want to be realistic with my expectations and the goals that I set for myself. I am not going to go from my highest weight back to my lowest weight in one day. I’m also not going to go from no exercise to running 5Ks in one day, one month, or maybe even a year! It takes time and I am acknowledging that. There’s no rush, but it must be done.

This week, I want to start moving more. I will be flexible with this. My ultimate goal would be to get 10,000 steps per day. That will be doable if I add in a walk to my day, but I understand that some days I may just try to get my steps in by simply moving more: walking around the house instead of sitting, parking farther away from the store so that I have to walk (if I go out and about), or even climbing the stairs a few times (goodness knows I do this a million times at nap time already…).

Hubby and I committed to working out together a minimum of 3 days this week. The weather is supposed to be in the 60s and 70s this week so it’s a perfect time to get started. If we’re not able to go outside for a walk, we will workout together inside. It’s motivating to me to have a workout partner!

I meant to weigh myself this morning but I forgot. Oh well. I’ve been checking in on my weight all of this time and it has remained pretty steadily at the same weight. Isn’t it amazing that I could gain a bunch of weight while constantly trying to diet and then I stop dieting and I maintain my weight? Just insane how that works. I know I probably shouldn’t say this, but why couldn’t I be the type that LOSES weight when depressed? Instead, I GAIN! Bummer. But it’s not a laughing matter as I know it is very serious for those who start losing weight when depressed.

I am going to continue to be patient with myself. What you can, when you can (#wycwyc), right? As I am still recovering, some days I simply may not have the energy to do more than rest—and that’s ok. My counselor tells me I need to accept that as ok and not that I’m being “lazy”. Postpartum depression (and all mental illnesses) is an illness and when we are sick, we need to rest. But as I mentioned, I want to take advantage of these moments of energy that I have started to get again! Yippee!

Do you have a small change that you could make this week? What is it?