A New Me: Identity Change

With my lifestyle change, I am becoming a different person. The change was inevitable, but it was never something I thought about when I took my first wobbly step on this journey. 56 lbs. into my weight loss, I am starting to feel like I am a different person.

I stumbled across some photos from about 4 years ago. Hubby and I were recently married and we were happy. I took on my role as a married woman and loved (and still love) every minute of it. I was in control of the foods I ate for the first time in my life. I was the one cooking. As an excited newly wed, I started cooking. I cooked things that were delicious, but paid no attention to nutrition and health. As a result, I gained even more weight to my wedding day weight of 262 lbs. Eventually, I ended up at 288 lbs. The pictures show a smiling girl but I can see a sadness in her face. I look tired, puffy and uncomfortable in my own skin. Seeing the pictures brought back the pain I felt. I never want to go back there.

Today, Hubby has lost almost 30 lbs. My choice to become healthier and more active myself has inspired him to do the same. An active, healthy lifestyle is something that we both value now. We have both changed. We go running, biking, and take walks together. We celebrate our fitness and health victories together.

I am a different person inside and out, but do others see me as a different person? I think I could call myself a runner now (beginner, none the less). That’s a huge change from the girl who always came in last in the mile runs at school. I think because I lived so long as an overweight girl, that I still think that others are always going to see me as such. People used to call me lazy just because of my size. I have never been a lazy person in my life. But now, my good qualities are taking forefront.

As I have been on this journey, I have realized that I am an extremely motivated person. I always have been, but I never believed in myself enough. I am outgoing, but I have always hid behind my body. I am strong and unafraid, but I have always shown weakness. I am successful, but I have always focused on my failures. I can believe in myself even if no one else does. Previously, I only believed in myself if someone else believed in me first.

I am a new person, inside and out. I know I will continue to change and to morph into something that seems so different than who I was before, but it’s the same me. I’m just no longer hiding behind my weight. I’ve come out of hiding.