My weight problem started in elementary school. I remember looking back on my elementary school year books with my friends in middle school and they commented on my weight. Looking at my Kindergarten picture they said, “You were so cute then- what happened?” Being an adolescent, I did not understand that their words were cruel and not necessarily true, but I believed them and appreciated their honesty with me. I was ugly because I was overweight and my “friends” told me so and that’s all there was to it.
Throughout my teenage years my identity was based on others’ perceptions of me. I was always quiet and shy, which could have been due to my lack of self esteem. Many of these kids did not even know me, but their opinions of me made me who I was. They were the reason that I looked in the mirror and thought, “You are so ugly. But you have nice eyes. Why are you so fat? You have a pretty face. But everything else is ugly. No guy is ever going to like you.” I did not respect myself enough to believe in myself.
I remember at about 17 years old I started to change. I stopped being “friends” with people that I knew didn’t respect me for me. I caused a stir. I had one good friend. One person that I truly felt was my friend. But she told me positive things about myself. She never told me I was fat or jokingly told me I was pretty and laughed and said that guys were interested in me. She genuinely believed in me. She was the kind of person I needed to surround myself with. And while our friendship now is limited to a Facebook comment here and there, I learned a valuable lesson.
I can believe in myself. It’s ok to believe in myself. It doesn’t make me cocky or self centered. It means that I know who I am and I am not afraid to get what I want. Other people might have their opinions- but they are not my truth. I make myself who I am. If I am pretty, it is because I believe that I am. If I am athletic, it is because I believe that I am. If I am a strong woman, it is because I believe that I am. Belief is everything. Belief sparks action and action- results.
And I believe I can be whatever and whomever I want to be. It’s all up to me and that’s freedom.
