I’m embarrassed to admit this…*Announcement*

…but since I have promised honesty to all of you, all of you who often struggle the same way I do, I’m going to put my pride aside and admit it anyways…

So with shaky knees, and a shame face… I admit…

I’ve rejoined Weight Watchers online.

Yes, I know…I swore it didn’t work. And maybe it doesn’t (FOR ME). What do I know? But I’m sure going to find out.

I do know that I didn’t GAIN weight profusely on the Points Plus program. I WAS able to, basically, maintain.

Maybe it wasn’t me. Maybe it wasn’t the plan. Maybe I really had hit a plateau.

What I’ve been doing lately, IS NOT a plateau. I’ve taken steps in the wrong direction by gaining weight, I ADMIT THAT, WHOLE HEARTEDLY. My fault. All mine.

After talking to my cousin about his experience losing 125 lbs., he told me that for an entire year he did not lose any weight and actually gained 20 lbs. before getting to his goal.

I realized, hey, that’s me. There’s hope yet!

Since quitting WW online in March, I have gained about 20 lbs. This morning, I had yet ANOTHER gain and weighed in at 219.8. That was a little shocking because I was prepared for a loss this week. Unfortunately, my weight shot up this morning. But even if I HAD lost, it would have been sheer luck.

I actually joined WW online last night. I decided to set pride aside, admit that MAYBE I was wrong, and rejoin the program that worked for me for so long…until I hit that plateau.

I can’t KEEP gaining. I have been steadily gaining every week for about a month now. And I cannot do that anymore. It’s heartbreaking.

There’s something about being able to easily log my foods online via my smart phone, iPad or computer, to stick with the familiarity of a points based system, and to feel comfortable with my plan again.

I HOPE what I experienced before was just a plateau.

I HOPE that going back to the plan is going to mean I start having losses and no more gains for a LONG time.

I HOPE that accepting that it was just a plateau and nothing I was doing wrong, until RECENTLY (which lately I have been going Oh, SO wrong), will help me to analyze what I am doing to make changes to start losing weight again.

I HOPE that this will be the answer.

I am humble enough to admit that MAYBE I was wrong, but I a DESPARATE enough to admit that what I’m doing now ISN’T working and that something HAS to CHANGE. Quickly.

So here’s the deal. I purchased the 3 month plan. I am going to give this 3 months and check back in on how this is going.

Was it the plan? Was it me? Was it a plateau? I’m hoping to find those answers…but in retrospect, I’m thinking it was a plateau, and I was just.too.hard.on.myself, in classic Alissa style.

Now it’s time to GET BACK ON TRACK, if I hit that plateau again, it will be about FINDING A METHOD to BREAK THROUGH that plateau.

I have FUTURE PLANS! I have a LIFE in front of me. I want to meet my weight loss and health goals.

I have to believe that it is possible. For so long, I have been thinking I hit my personal best. I truly believed that weighing about 200 lbs. was the best I could do, that it wasn’t possible for my body to get any smaller. I started accepting that. I started accepting that I wasn’t good enough, dedicated enough or capable of reaching my goals.

Well guess what?

I EXPECT MORE OUT OF MYSELF!

It IS possible because I BELIEVE it is.

Whatever it takes to get there. No matter how many side roads I decide to take to get there… it’s my journey. It’s UNIQUELY my journey.

There’s no, “I told ya so” or “Hurrumphs” about bit. It’s just me, my own two feet, and my own big heart.

And today, I’ve decided to take this route.

May it get me to my goal.