After Thanksgiving Update and Award

I was pleasantly surprised to get on the scale this morning and see that I had lost 1 lb. since Wednesday weigh in! I guess counting points really does work! I’m just hoping to keep this off and maybe even lose more by this Wednesday. I can’t say how happy I was about this. I stepped on the scale expecting a huge gain, like in years past. But this year was different and I’m proud of that.

The alarm went off at 4:30 AM this morning and I just wanted to stay in bed. But my hubby helped get me out of bed and down to the treadmill. It felt good to workout. I’m thinking of making this my last week of week 2 of the C25K and trying to move to week/month 3.

A girl at work asked me if I had lost weight today. That made me feel really good! I wore some of my new clothes today that fit me better. She said that my face looked smaller! People are noticing!

Foodie Girl ever so graciously gave me the Superior Scribbler Award. Thanks so much, it really did make my day to know that others enjoy reading my blog.  

The Rules & Regulations are as follows:

Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to five most deserving bloggers.

Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom s/he has received the award.

Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to The Scholastic Scribe, which explains the award.

Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr Linky List. That way, they'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.

Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

1. Learning to be Less – She has lost a TON of weight and is always so motivated!

2. Marcelle – She is so faithful about leaving comments that are so helpful! She has the cutest grandkids and is the best looking grandma I’ve ever seen. She’s truly an inspiration for how far she has come and how dedicated she is.

3. 282.5- Always an interesting read. She has lost a lot of weight also!

4. Jenn- I love her writing! She's completely honest and writes about the ups and the downs. Very inspiring!

5. Foodie Girl- I just have to give this award back to her because she is doing so well also. I love reading her blog also.

I have so many other favorite blogs, I didn’t mention them all! I hope you can all check out these women’s fabulous blogs and become followers!

Sunday Diary

These diaries have really helped keep me in line. Knowing that I’m going to have to come here and post all about what I ate all day helps me make better choices. So I think I might keep this up on the weekends. It’s impossible for me to do so during the week, unless I wrote it down in a note book or something. Do you find these interesting to read?

8 AM: For breakfast I ate 1 apricot Kolache, 1 cup of milk and 1/2 cup of strawberries. I started out with just the kolache and the milk and was still hungry. I really wanted another kolache but decided to go with strawberries instead because they’re free and I needed to get some fruit in. So I’m proud of myself for making that good choice. Breakfast was 7 points.

I’m a little bit moody this morning. I’m not quite sure why but I think it’s just realizing that the weekend is pretty much over and it’s back to work AND school tomorrow. I need to make sure my mood doesn’t affect my eating choices today.

12 PM: For lunch I had a whole wheat bun with BBQ beef. We had more left overs to go with it. I had some cheesy potatoes, sweet potatoes, squash, and a 1/2 deviled egg. All very small portions again. For dessert I had a little bit of ice cream and a small krispy ball. 15 points total. I knew I’d be able to fit in a smaller supper since I’d be home.

3:30 PM: On our way home I drank 3 cups of water and had 4 pieces of dark chocolate for 2.5 points.

5:30 PM: For supper I had 1 cup of oatmeal with 1 TBS of peach pie filling, 1 slice whole wheat toast with a little bit of peanut butter and water. For dessert I had 1 cup of strawberries. This was a total of 5 points.

After supper I had a cup of diet hot cocoa for free. I still have 1.5 points left for the day. I may use them and I may not, but I will not go over. I’m feeling very satisfied as it is and with all of my eating this past weekend, it may be best if I call it quits for the night.

I have to admit that I am concerned to see what I weigh tomorrow morning vs. what I weighed Wednesday morning before we left for my parent’s house. I can honestly say that I stuck to my points over the weekend- so I MET THAT GOAL! I really had to work at not over eating, but I succeeded points wise. I missed one workout, but I did get one in. I’m looking forward to my 4:30 AM workout in the morning!

Saturday Diary

7 AM: I got a good night’s sleep last night. I’m still feeling a little bit disappointed in myself for my eating last night. But that is DONE with now and I MUST move on and LEARN from it. I cannot dwell on what cannot be changed now.

8:30 AM: I’m proud of myself with my breakfast choice. I found an unopened package of oatmeal in the cupboard. I had 1 cup of oatmeal with a banana mixed in. I also had 1 cup of milk. My family didn’t realize that you could microwave quick oats. So I told them how I mix in fresh fruits, etc. I feel so much better when I make healthy choices. My Mom left to go back to IA to be with my grandma in the hospital- so sad to see her go!

11:30 AM: We had leftovers for lunch. I had a whole wheat roll w/ a little bit of turkey on it. I had 1/4 cup broccoli rice casserole, 1/2 cup squash, 1/2 cup low fat/ sugar free orange salad, 1/2 deviled egg, and a pumpkin cookie. This added up to 9 points. I drank 2 cups of water with the meal. I really wanted stuffing and cheesy potatoes, but I knew I had to stick with what I had on my plate. Can’t have it all for every meal. I’m happy with how I feel. I didn’t over eat.

12-2:30 PM: My husband and I did a little shopping. Had a lot of fun! It was fun to be just the two of us for a while. Got a $150 knife set for my parents for $49.99, so that was a good deal and they really need one. Also got a non-stick cooking dish for $14.95. It’s really pretty. We have Circulon pans with the nonstick surface and didn’t know they made baking dishes that way too! I’m anxious to try it out. We also stopped at a grocery store here with TONS of produce. I wish we had this store at home. I stocked up on fruits and veggies and some yogurt for 99 cents. We also got some dark chocolate from Holland. I had 4 pieces for 2.5 points.

6 PM: I was really hungry by supper time so I just stayed away from the kitchen until it was time to eat. I had 1 slice of pepperoni pizza and a lettuce salad. For dessert I had a little bit of ice cream and a small rice krispy bar. This was 11 points total.

8 PM: We watched the movie up and I had a few cups of smart pop kettle corn for 2 points.

I went over my points by .5 points. I guess that’s not too bad. I’m really ready to be back home so I can make the decisions on exactly what we’re going to eat for meals. I’m ready to eat healthy foods again! Even though I’m eating the right portion sizes of foods, I’ve had heartburn and just feel bloated. I need to drink more water. I can’t believe the weekend is almost over already! But it’s been a good one.

Black Friday Diary

I’m glad that it’s a new day today. Back to really strict tracking. My goal today is to stay within my daily points. If possible, I would like to get through the week without using my active points. Should I feel guilty for using weekly points? I thought that’s what they were for. I understand that I may not have a loss this week- but you have to live and enjoy your food- in moderation.

2 AM: Got up and quickly got dressed to head out to Old Navy that opened at 3 AM. When we got to the store, there was a line of probably 300+ people wrapping around the block. We got in line and waited. It was really a mad rush and not worth getting up to go. I did get a new sweater for $15, a $5 fleece, and a $3.50 water bottle that will fit in the holder in the treadmill. It had a cap so I won’t spill while drinking it. It was kind of a rush, but next year I’m sleeping in! I went for the zip up fleece but they were marked $10, which was a disappointment to me. But what can ya do. We went back home and went to bed until 8:00.

9 AM: Dad wanted to make pancakes for breakfast. I took down the calories/fat/fiber for everything we were eating and figured out what I could have. I ended up having 2 pancakes and instead of syrup (I always buy sugar free so it’s low in points- but they had regular) I had 1/2 cup fresh strawberries on top, it was good! I also has 1/4 cup scrambled eggs, 1 slice of bacon, and 1 cup of milk. It added up to 9 points. Higher than usual, but it was good.

2 PM: My hubby and I went out for a double date with my sister and brother in law. We went to BD’s mongolian Grill. My stir fry was 10 points. I added lots of veggies, but probably should have stuck with only chicken instead of adding some steak too. We also split a mini dessert, 4 points for that. More points than I thought it would be, but I still have 8 left for the day and I’m sure I won’t really eat too much for supper.

4 PM: My mom and I went shopping. Some of my clothing is getting a little too big. I bought 2 new skirts. When I began this journey I was starting to wear 26’s which was just killing me inside. I fit perfectly into size 22’s. Still depressing that I wear so large a size, but I’m getting better. BTW, I can wear size XL sweaters at Old Navy- and that makes me feel great! If only my hips would shrink!

7 PM: Everyone wanted my Dad to make his famous Tacoritos. I had actually picked up some smart pop popcorn and diet hot cocoa for supper. But what can ya do? They smelled and looked so good. I would say they’re about 5 points a piece. One NSV is I kept myself to one, but I also ate a few Doritos. I ate a few bits of dessert also. I honestly don’t know how to track this, but I did my best. I felt like a total failure after this. I told my Dad how I felt and he said, we’ll do much better tomorrow. My sister and family are leaving tomorrow. My parents are very supportive of me and my Dad helped me count points and everything as he was cooking.

I think I can pinpoint my eating too much at supper down to a comment my BIL made to me before going out for lunch. He jokes ALL the time and I know he was just kidding but I’m sensitive in areas of eating, etc. All places a fat girl would be sensitive. I had mentioned that the last time I went to BD’s I was kind of turned off by it, but I think that’s because I was trying things I’d never had before, like Calamari, etc. and I just didn’t really enjoy it because I had put too much of a variety in my bowl. My sister told him, well she needs to eat somewhere she can watch her points because she’s on WW. And he was like…Oooo, well if you’d learn to practice a little self control you’d probably be just fine. (Meaning if I didn’t put EVERYTHING in my bowl). That just hurt my feelings and I felt so deflated. No one can see the changes that I have made. No one can see the battles I fight (and WIN most of the time!) every time there is delicious food around that all of the skinny people can eat whatever they want of. So by supper time, I think I was just like…forget it. I know, terrible attitude and I’m ready to do better.

But that was all I ate for the day. I did go into my activity points because of my emotional eating, but I didn’t use all of them. To a better day today!

Thanksgiving Day Diary

I thought I would check in every so often to say how I’m doing to try to keep myself accountable.

8 AM: For breakfast I had 1/2 bagel with milk and 1/2 banana. I was trying to keep my points down but didn’t realize even half the bagel was 3 points. Total points: 6.5

11 AM: Everyone else was snacking on cookies before lunch. I didn’t eat a single one, not even a bite!

lunch: I didn’t over eat and that’s the most important thing. I had 1/4 cup servings or less of almost everything served. So everything was pretty low in points, but overall it added up! I had 1/2 slice pecan pie and very small krispy bar w/ chocolate for dessert. Estimated points: 28.5- WOW! I’m now totally on weekly points for the rest of the day!

3 PM: Everyone eating cookies and desserts with coffee. I’m just not lucky enough to be thin like my brothers and sisters. I didn’t touch them, just drank more coffee. Hubby and I went out for a walk for 23 minutes. Feels great!! I got a workout in, wore my heart rate monitor. It was nice to get fresh air and some quiet time to chat with my hubby alone! :)

5 PM: Feeling a little hungry, and knew if I didn’t eat my meal I’d be eating cookies and sweets. So I went ahead and made a turkey sandwich on a whole wheat roll, with a few sides. 1/3 slice pecan pie and another small krispy bar with chocolate. Still have 7.5 weekly points left. While I’ve used a lot of points, I feel like ordinarily I would have done much worse. So overall, I’ve done great.

7:45 PM: Got a little bored I guess and ate another krispy bar with chocolate. It gave me heart burn. I know, not good. I also had a couple of almonds.

I think I’m feeling a little let down coming on. The day is almost over already- and so fast! It’s been a lot of fun. Lots of laughs and American Idol on the Xbox. :)

8:30 PM: My brother made soft pretzels which are so good! I had 1/2. Also had a tiny piece of sharp white cheddar cheese.

9 PM: Went to see New Moon! Team Edward or Team Jacob? I’m not as into this as a lot of people are. As an English major…I analyze the movie far too much. lol Didn’t get anything to eat and actually didn’t eat anything for the rest of the night.

Point used: 59.5

Weekly left: 1

Activity earned: 2

Wow, that’s a lot of points used! But I’m still on track. I have to stick to my daily points through Wednesday now. While this will be a struggle, it’s doable. Hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I think I’ll do this for Black Friday also.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I love getting together with my family and just spending the day together with no worries and nothing to do. It’s relaxing and fun. Always full of laughter.

I wanted to take a few moments to write down what I’m thankful for this year. It’s important to count our blessings and I need to do better about counting them every day and not just on Thanksgiving! When we count our blessings it lifts our spirits when we realize how lucky we are.

1) I’m so thankful for my husband. Since meeting him, my life has changed so much- for the better!

2) I’m thankful for my wonderful family.

3) I’m thankful for the freedom we have in this country.

4) I’m thankful that I came to the place where I realized how important it is to have a healthy lifestyle- I’m thankful I’m finally making these changes!

5) I’m thankful that I have health- that I’m able to exercise. So many times I dread working out, but ultimately, I’m lucky that I’m capable of it.

6) I’m thankful to have a home to live in and food to eat. I’m thankful all of my needs are met because so many people are needy.

7) I’m thankful that I have the opportunity to get an education.

8) I’m thankful to all that have helped my husband and I out throughout this past year in every way. Most recently, my MIL letting me have her car for a few days while mine was being fixed!

9) I’m thankful for happiness. I have so many wonderful people in my life that make me happy.

10) I’m thankful for peace. Peace, both in this country, and in my heart.

I hope that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Enjoy the food but don’t eat TOO much! :)

Weigh In Day

Today was as expected, I gained. Based on my weight on Tuesday, I thought I would gain more. I gained 1.6 lbs. I know the reasons that I gained weight this week. I'm not going to dwell on it. I cannot dwell on it if I'm going to move forward.

The good news is I met my goal by being back on track by Thanksgiving. I am still over 40 lbs. lost, so I'm still on my way to my next goal of 50 lbs lost! The rest of this week will be a challenge but I really want to stick to my points this Thanksgiving. Every bite that I eat will be tracked. I plan on taking walks every day. My hubby says he'll stand by me on this. Even if the weather is bad, we'll head to a mall to walk.

I did get in my second workout yesterday. I rode the bike for another 20 minutes. I have to have the bike set at the highest resistance to keep my heart rate up. So that's really good for my leg muscles!

This morning I did my run/walk. It was a tough workout this morning, but I made it through it and now I feel wonderful! I'm not coughing so much this morning, so that's a good sign!

I should be able to post while I'm at my parents house. I'm bringing my laptop. I'll try to keep you all updated on how I do. :)

Workout and Worries

This morning's workout was a lighter one. I felt a little sore this morning so I decided not to run again. I rode the bike for 20 minutes, I burn about half the calories doing that than I burn when running. I may try to get in another bike ride later on today. I know that I should work out for longer periods of time and I'll get there. I don't want to make exercise dreadful!

After my run/walk yesterday I had a headache all day. Sometimes my ibuprofen would help and other times not. I had a headache up until the time I went to bed last night. But I'm feeling better today. This seems to happen a lot when I work out hard. Why is this? Is there something I can do to prevent it?

I love the way I feel when I work out in the morning. It makes me feel accomplished, and that's a great way to start out the day. I have more energy and feel more clear minded. I'm not so foggy when I get to work.

I'm worried for WI tomorrow. I gained a couple of pounds this morning. I made pasta last night and that always seems to do it to me. Hopefully I can get the weight off by tomorrow morning. I'll drink lots of water today (I've already had 4 cups and it's 5:45 am)! I've used all of my weeklys and even went into my AP's. Ugh. I guess I'm still following the plan but it may mean a smaller loss, or no loss at all.

Today I work from 7-10 and I don't have school since it's Thanksgiving break! Yay! So I have to run to the library, then I'll stop at Target to get more FREE TEA. Then I'll come home. I'm making Kolaches for Thanksgiving. It's a cultural thing for my husband so I thought we could contribute that to my family's feast. I'm also making a healthy orange salad. If I have time in there I will work out. I also need to keep working on my research and outline for my presentation. So that's about it! I'm really looking forward to my short day today. Plus, we're slowing down for the season at work, which means sometimes we get to go home early! :)

Have a great day! :)

First Workout

I am finally completely over my sickness and so I am back to my workout schedule at 4:30 AM. It feels so good! I coughed a lot towards the end, did my inhaler and it helped a little, so I'll have to watch this to make sure I don't get sick again.

I am happy to say that I did not lose my endurance and I can still run 1 1/2 mins. at 5 mph. WHEW! That's a relief to know I don't have to start over again. By the end, I was pretty exhausted but that's what you get when you haven't worked out for 2 months.

But this was my first run (run/walk) with my heart rate monitor! Did I mention that I love this thing? I was afraid I wasn't getting a really good workout in, so I was interested to see how I would do. Well, I set it at the hard workout and I was over the max heart rate almost the whole time. My highest was 184. Maybe I need to reset it? Is this dangerous? How important is it to keep it within the heart rate zone? I think it recommended about 163 or so? At least I know I'm working hard enough!

Yesterday was a little bit of a test for me- and I passed! We had the in law's over so we made tacos. I used whole wheat tortillas and filled mine with mostly veggies. The worst part was I made pumpkin bars for dessert and they were 9 points each! I ate one and we put most of the rest in the freezer. There are 2 in the fridge if I have enough points tonight...I swear they're worth the points! haha But I can't believe how high in points they are! I'll bring the rest to Thanksgiving. But after that lunch I didn't have a lot of points for supper, but I figured out how to have a good supper and I didn't go over my points, which is good because I'm almost out of weekly points! One step at a time! :)

Unveiling the Project

I know it has been a long time since I first mentioned we were working on a project, but we are officially done…minus a few more items of decor I’m keeping my eye out for.

We remodeled/redecorated our living room. Believe me, it was much needed! Here are a few before shots:

Yep, pretty hideous!

Now for the great remodel:

Pretty amazing difference, huh? It feels more like home now. We got some awesome deals on Craigslist, so believe it or not, our new furniture is not so new, but in excellent condition. I’m still contemplating what to do about the fireplace, as it’s not centered on the wall…any ideas?

Baked Bananas

I came across this recipe a while ago and tried to out today- WOW! So delicious and a great way to get another serving of fruit in for the day. Only 3 points.

This if from Gina's WW Recipes. She has some great ones on her blog. Check it out!

Randoms

I have been feeling smaller lately. I think taking my measurements made me realize that I really am losing inches. My stomach feels smaller in particular. I think when I lose this next 10 lbs I'll really see a difference. I can just feel it.

When I took my measurements I noticed that my hips haven't really changed at all. My hips are my problem spot. I get smaller on top, but not my hips! We're talking a few sizes different. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to shrink your hips?

I'm really excited that it's the weekend! Although, I'll spend tomorrow cleaning the house and preparing for my 10 minute presentation after break...which has me worried sick. I wish I could just forget about it. I need to tell myself that it's really not that big of a deal. I could get in front of the class, make a fool of myself (which I probably won't anyways), and LIVE THROUGH IT. Why do I worry so much? I need to have self-confidence and believe in myself. I can do this, and I can do it well. But I also don't have to expect perfection. I'll get up there, do my thing and sit down. What's the worst that could happen?

Don't Take Me for a Fool

Where do I begin?

I got to school today and noticed that my car was smoking. So lifted the hood just to make sure I didn't have a fire under there. lol There was green stuff all over. So I called the hubby and he said to take it in just to have them look at it because it sounded like anti-freeze.

So I took the car in and it took them an hour to tell me that the radiator was "broken" and I'd have to replace it for $500. So I called my hubby and made him talk to the guy. My hubby told them to show me how to fill the coolant and go home and watch the temp. gauge. So they come back out 10 minutes later and take me to the car and show me this crack. Which is fine...if it's broken, fix it, but these mechanics tend to over charge. But what really got me was this...

They honestly said, "You'll be driving on the interstate on your way home and you're probably going to have to stop at least 4 times on that busy road. Each time you stop you're going to have to wait for a REALLY LONG TIME for it to cool down. Then you're going to come over here and this knob is going to be SO HOT. I wouldn't even look at it when you turn the cap off because it'll blow up and burn your face. I just really think you should replace this..." and so on. All the while in this tone trying to increase my anxiety. They already heard what my hubby said, "go home." So I said, "Well I guess that's just something I'll have to deal with." So they took another 15 minutes to shut my hood on the car and drive it around and charged me $105 to look at it and fill it once.

I drove home without having to stop once. It never even over heated. So guess what mechanics, I could see right through you! I could tell exactly what they were trying to do.

This stressed me out a bit, on top of the fact that I was just informed I have to make a 10 minute presentation on the first day back to class after Thanksgiving. I HATE talking in front of people. I'll deal. I wanted to go to the cupboard so bad and eat eat eat. But I didn't. I even wanted to order a pizza, but I didn't. :)

Weigh In Day

I weighed in this morning at my new lowest!! 246.2. That's a 3.6 loss this week! Total loss of 41.8 lbs. I guess that's what happens when you stick to your points. I had 7 weekly points left over. I'm really excited about this because it means I'm back on track and I'm no longer making up for gained weight. I wanted to be back on track by Thanksgiving, and it looks like I did it with a week to spare. Now I just need to keep it up this week again, although I probably won't have such a drastic loss next week, but I can always hope for it!

Have a great day!

Hungry!

I'm HUNGRY today. I was starving by the time I got off of work and couldn't wait to get to the school parking lot so I could eat my lunch! I even ate oatmeal for breakfast and had my appetite suppressing tea. What gives?

By the time I got out of school I was hungry again. So I came home and figured out a quick wrap for 3 points. It was delicious...but I'm still hungry. Trying my best to stay out of the kitchen. I guess I could switch around some of tonight's supper so I could eat something else now. I also don't want to overdo it because tomorrow is the big weigh in! My first week totally back on track, I don't want to ruin it now!

I will be so happy when this week is over. I have a big paper due on Thursday and I'm ALMOST done with that. I'm looking forward to a week off of school. I still have to go to work Monday-Wednesday. 2 full days and one half day, and no I'm not volunteering to work a full day on my normal school day. This girl has got things to do to prepare for Thanksgiving! I'm not going to worry about the 2- 10 page papers I have due in a couple of weeks...AGH! Too much at once! I just need to concentrate on what school goals are attainable now and get to work...Guess I better get back to reading! :)

Keep you fingers crossed for my weigh in tomorrow...! I'll try to post tomorrow morning!

Warm Drinks

I'm addicted to warm drinks this time of year. Coffee, tea, hot cocoa...you name it! Lately, I've found they're an excellent substitute to snacking and have much fewer calories! They take a while to sip, so by the time you're done sipping, snacking is off your mind. So here are a few of my favorite new drinks:

 

Wow- this stuff is absolutely amazing! It doesn't have that strong green tea flavor, and to be honest I would have thought I was drinking white tea if the box hadn't said green tea. You can really taste the blueberry. It has this fantastic aroma- so good! I drank some today and I really think it did help suppress my appetite- but who can say for sure? The best part- 0 points!

Hot cocoa for the dieter! This is 0 points also! Definitely takes away that urge to eat chocolate! I’m really loving this stuff!

So there are a couple of my new favorite warm drinks. What are yours?

Measurements

Yesterday morning I was down below my 40 lb goal again so my hubby took my measurements for me. I wasn't really expecting much since every other time I've taken measurements in diets passed I don't see any real changes.

I didn't take any measurements until I had lost 30 lbs, but I really wish I had now! Makes me curious how many inches I've lost overall!

From 30-40 lbs. lost, I lost 4 1/2"!! That's pretty amazing! I lost most of the inches in my thighs, which kind of surprised me but when I thought about it, it made sense. From 30-40 lbs, I really took up running and I'm sure that's why I lost the inches there! I can't wait to get back to that again. I'm slowly getting better.

Now if I can just stay below the 40 lb. lost weight for Wednesday...! I'm still doing great by the way and still have weekly points left, so all is well! I'm hoping for the best come weigh in Wednesday!

Why I Want to Lose Weight

Last year, my grandpa was told he had to have bipass surgery. He was very active. At 80 years old he went for walks everyday, still mowed his own lawn, had a wood working shop in his garage and made beautiful furniture. This was a shock to all of us. He was thin and in seemingly good shape. He went in for surgery and they found that there was a lot of blockages throughout the arteries and veins that cannot be fixed. They did what they could. He had a lot of complications and was in the hospital for months, we thought we were going to lose him, but he's a fighter! He doesn't have the energy that he had pre-surgery, but he's still doing great for his condition. His Dad had the same problem.

About a month ago my grandma started having chest pains. Grandpa took her to ER and they said that she had had a heart attack. She also has blockages in the heart. They immediately performed surgery to take care of that. They fixed what they could. She seemed to be doing ok until a few days later she caught pneumonia in the hospital. She's been through breathing tubes, feeding tubes, and now she has a trach until she can breathe better on her own. She has Osteoperosis and her bones were so brittle they had to insert a metal plate to hold her chest bones together. But Her bones are so brittle that didn't hold like it should. They had to perform surgery again, and there's not much they can do about that. She'll just have to be careful when she recovers. When they got her up to walk about 5 feet, her heart rate went up to 220 and her blood pressure dropped. They're working on getting her medicines right so hopefully that doesn't happen anymore. She has diabetes which makes her higher risk. She's still fighting, but so tired.

My mom has a plethora of health issues. She has what's called Sarcoidosis and has to seek special medical attention for that. She's had numerous organs removed because of that. Thankfully, none of the vital ones. But she is missing her spleen so has to be extra careful not to get sick. She has blood work done every week. She also has a condition where she can develop blood clots randomly, I can't remember what that's called. So they're constantly changing her meds because her blood is too thin or not thin enough. She has terrible migraine headaches. She was even diagnosed with Osteoperosis also. She's only 49. She's not morbidly obese either. What causes these things? I feel so bad for my mother. It really wears her out, but she's still giving her all to care for her parents in another state. She's truly a wonderful person.

But the point of writing all of this is to say that these illnesses may run in my family. I have more than one relative with diabetes. Obviously, Osteoperosis is common as well. If any of these things can be prevented by eating healthfully, I want to do that. I want to lose this weight because we know that there are so many obesity related illnesses out there also. Knowing that both grandparents have had heart issues is a wake up call to me. I want to get my heart healthy. I want to exercise and eat right. I want to lower my blood pressure. I also want to help my Dad learn healthy habits. He needs help the most and he knows it, but just can't find the motivation to continue a plan. I wish we were closer so we could work together, and he says the same thing. I want to lose this weight to show him that it can be done. Lead by example, right?

Update for Thursday

Thursday went well. I tend to be a lot hungrier when I get home from school on Tuesday and Thursdays because I have to eat lunch at 10:30. So by 3:00, I'm starved again and have a few hours until supper. I handled it very well yesterday and had only one snack. I know I should eat fruits or veggies for my snacks, but I'm getting plenty of them at meal times anyways. I had a Fiber One toaster pastry for 3 points. Those are delicious, by the way, with a lot of fiber! That seemed to satisfy me until supper time. I think it is important that I THINK about what I am going to eat for a snack and LIMIT myself to ONE snack after school. Many times that's where I fall short. I did go over my daily points by 3.5 yesterday as I made a healthy pizza for supper and ate 2 1/2 pieces instead of the 2 I had planned. Plus, I wanted a snack later on and had a 2 point package of fruit snacks. NO GUILT. I have to stay away from guilt if I am following the plan, otherwise I get too hard on myself which causes me to feel like I'm a failure and then I fail. So I still have plenty of weekly points left, and while I want to stay away from them- they are there for a purpose! Friday's can prove difficult sometimes as I think I'm just in a good mood because it's the weekend and sometimes I let myself eat whatever- which is not a good choice and I refuse to do that today.

Like I've mentioned before: I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm stressed, I eat when I'm bored. Do you think I'm an emotional eater at all? haha Something to work on!

A Day on Track

Yesterday was a fantastic day for staying on track! I actually had 4.5 points left over. Which, I know, shouldn't be done regularly and I need to use up all of my points everyday. But still, that's amazing for me!

I actually got hungry at work around 1:15 again. I found out that we have cappuccino's in our machine for 60 cents. So I got one of those and it was delicious, for 2 points. Then I got some animal crackers out of the machine that are low in calories, for 2 points. So I felt like that was a much better choice than 2 huge cookies! I felt more satisfied too, so I may have to start making that my snack. It seems like a warm drink takes away the urge to eat.

How do you deal with hunger?

Weigh In Day

I weighed in at 249.8 this morning, exactly what I weighed last week. I'll take that, given the circumstances. At least I didn't gain.

I'm feeling back in my zone with WW. I know exactly what to expect.

Goals for the week:

1. Track EVERYTHING
2. Stay away from the sweets at work
3. Plan meals this weekend

If I stick to my points I KNOW that I will lose next week!

It's Not the Diet

Over the past few days I've come to the realization that it's not the diet that's wrong- It's ME! I did really well counting my calories on livestrong.com until the weekend, then I went over a few calories, which on weight watchers would be ok as long as I'm within my weekly points, but I didn't know how this factored in to livestrong.com and it just screwed me all up.

Marcelle got me thinking when she commented on my post that people who switch around to different diets don't lose much weight. So I've come to the conclusion that since WW's has obviously worked for me, I've lost 40 lbs, when I'm dedicated to it. There isn't a diet in the world that is going to work if I'm not dedicated to it.

So I decided instead of continuing to spiral out of control, it's back to WW TODAY! I know I said I would be doing livestrong.com through today, but I feel like I need a little extra help than I'm getting from that website. Besides, I'm all equipped for the WW plan with all of my point books and cookbooks. :)

Hiding Behind My Weight

Last week, I asked myself the question, “Do you hide behind your weight?” And as much as I wanted to answer no, I knew deep down that the answer was yes.

I’ve always tried to be the type of person who does everything that I want to do. Not being the most athletic person in the world, I played softball in high school and I didn’t quit even when the coach made me sit on the bench for almost every game. I did surprise him when I hit a double header one time when he let me play, even though it was against the worst team. Despite how he treated me, I was there at practice, giving it my all.

My softball coach literally made fun of me in front of everyone. Before handing out uniforms he gave a speech about how the first year he coached the team the girls on the team were HUGE, and then proceeded to say he would hand out the uniforms with the largest first. He called out my name first and said something like, “hope it fits.” He was always rude to me, especially about my weight, which is funny because he was severely overweight himself. I didn’t try out for the team the next year. That is just an example of an experience that made me start to hide behind my weight.

I’ve been shy for as long as I can remember. When I think about it, I realize that I’m shy because I’m embarrassed of myself. I’ve been told so many times that I’m fat, and not good enough that I think it’s going to be true in every aspect of my life. I’ve dealt with so many people who are discriminatory to me because of my weight that I’ve come to believe that I’m not quite good enough.

As I make this journey, I am going to undo the damage that has been done, especially in middle and high school. The terrible things that people said to me have produced scars. As I lose the weight I am going to gain confidence, but I realize it is deeper than that. I am going to be the same person inside that I have always been, but I may be percepted a little bit different by those around me. I am no longer going to be content with sitting on the sidelines and watching the game- this time around I’m going to be in it- and not worry about who is judging me for it!

Weigh in Day and My Plan

I lost 1.6 lbs this week. Not too bad, but I'm ready to start losing and reach my 50 lb goal! As you can see from my sidebar, I have set my goal to allow myself $50 to spend on myself for some new clothes. I'm always buying new clothes, but at least I won't have to feel guilty about it this time! :)

Thank you for all of your great suggestions and comments. I have decided to try a different free website for a week, for the rest of the month and then I am going to make my decision about WW online. This week I am following Lori's suggestion and am tracking my food on livestrong.com. This is a little different for me because I am tracking calories and not points, but it has been fun today! I am motivated and haven't used all of my calories yet, so that's a good sign! I will come up with a list of what I love and what I don't like about the site and post them next week before I go on to try the next site. Anything that gets me motivated is worth it to me right now, in the end I may stick with weight watchers, but at least this is giving me a kick start.

I had a little bit of a break through last night while watching last week's episode of The Biggest Loser. I might take a whole post to talk about that, but let's just say that it helped motivate me today also. Good things to think about. I think Jillian is on to something when she breaks the contestants down and makes them confront what has gotten them where they are today. Any of us who are obese have our own story to tell. Are we hiding behind our weight? There are certainly some psychological issues involved with my weight. More on that next time!

Time for a Change?

I really need something to get me seriously motivated again. Whatever I do, I cannot seem to get into that mindset that I AM going to do this! I seem to have slip ups everyday and my weight is not going down, if anything it's going slightly upwards.

I've been thinking for a while how I am wasting a lot of money on weight watchers online. I pay $16 a month and I haven't been tracking like I should, nor am I utilizing the website like I did when I first joined. Hubby and I are trying to manage our money better and I could probably eliminate the $16 a month. What I like about WW.com is that I can track my progress from the very beginning with nice charts. I am sure that WW.com has been instrumental in these first 40 lbs. I've lost, but I'm not sure if it's what I need to continue.

Or is it just me? Do I need to force myself to track those points online. Sometimes I wonder if just going back to the old-fashioned tracking in a journal would help me out. I guess I'm afraid of canceling my membership. I feel like I'd be canceling my goal to lose weight, which I don't want to do!

With the two days of exercising that I got in, I started to feel sicker. Yesterday I took as a rest day, and now today I am feeling a little bit better. Not sure what to do about that either? Keep waiting it out, or is it completely unrelated? I have been sick for 6 weeks now I'm really tired of it.

I think If I was up to running again that would really help. I feel so hopeless and helpless. Tears are actually coming to my eyes as I write this. I need help and I just can't seem to help myself right now. I wish I had someone who could cook my meals, tell me exactly what I could eat and there would be no options. That's just it, I have choices, like every other human being, and I'm not making the right ones.

Just today, I had done very well. I came home, had some smart pop popcorn, which is fine. Then I indulged in 3 truffles, a mini Hershey's bar, and 12 whoppers. I understand that I need to get that stuff out of the house but I don't feel right throwing things away. I'm too attached to that kind of food, and maybe that's another thing to think about.

This weekend I am going to take the time to plan out my days and all 3 meals. I need to be more organized. Thanks for the idea of making a list of all of the foods that I shouldn't touch and the good foods. I think I will try to work on that too.

Overall, I'm a bit of a mess and I don't want to undo all of my hard work. Food should not be that important to me, why do I struggle so much?

I know you're probably tired of hearing me talk about this because I've been posting about getting back on track for a long time now. Bear with me as I fight this battle...I'm trying to be honest as I post on here...I hope you'll stay with me. Your encouragement means the world to me.

Sunday Morning Update

I hope everyone had a great Halloween!

We had a family reunion on my husband's side yesterday afternoon. It was interesting and fun. He has such a huge family! They had it at an auction house so they auctioned off silly items to raise money for the next reunion. We did score a healthy Mexican cookbook for $3, so that will be fun to try out! Eating wise, it's hard to eat at things like that. Lots of pot luck type food. I just had a little bit of different things and feel that overall, I could have done better, but I only had one plate of food and such tiny servings, I'm sure I was ok.

We came home and then sat out in the porch for trick or treaters. Yes, I indulged in a few pieces of candy... But the good thing is that all of the bad stuff is gone! There's only a few whoppers left and they're 1/2 point each. We had lots of little kids who tried to grab the whole basket. lol But the worst was when I handed the candy to the kids and then the dad came up with his bag...SERIOUSLY? He said he had a little one at home...right. lol. But it was fun anyways!

I made a healthy chili for supper last night, lots of fiber with the beans. That was delicious! Today is another new day and I think it will be easier for me to eat right. We're going to visit my Grandma in the hospital, she had open heart surgery and is having a hard time recovering. We're hoping for the best!!