Saturday, October 31, 2015
Friday, October 30, 2015
Weigh in Day: I actually weighed this time!
This week wasn’t a good one as far as my eating was concerned. I stopped tracking again. I am wasting so much time—if I just stayed on track I’d probably have lost 30 lbs. by now.
But there’s more to this than willpower. After all, I have been fat since I was about 7 years old—I think there’s some work that needs to be done so I can make the habits stick.
I made the mistake of buying Halloween candy on Wednesday and I just want to eat it! I did buy one big bag of candy that I don’t care for—but those Reese’s snack size pumpkins won’t stop calling my name!
Can I play the hormones card?
However, I did lose 1.9 lbs.—keep him mind that this is over the course of three weeks. I guess it’s not horrible if you think about my goal being to lose 1 lb. per week. But a loss is a loss and it’s better than a gain any day.
This Week | Last Week | |
Weekly Points Used: | - | 73/49 |
Activity Points Earned: | 21 | 15 |
Activity Points Used: | - | 15 |
Total Steps: | 46,514 | 41,407 |
Weight Loss this Week: | 1.9 lbs. | ? |
Total Weight Loss: | -4.1 lbs. | - |
The horror of only having lost 4.1 lbs. since April. Sigh.
In other news, I’ve been working on “me” a little bit. I am using my Gwynnie Bee subscription to try to go outside of my comfort zone a bit.
I’ve been trying the leggings with a dress/tunic look. When I say “go outside of my comfort zone”, I really do mean that my comfort zone is quite boxy and restrictive and most people probably dress like this all of the time and call it a comfy outfit.
I have had zero confidence for most of my life. But I’m putting forth the effort to try to dress in ways that I want to dress but have felt too embarrassed to because of my weight.
That being said, I tried out this Lucie Lu Sativa Dress in Aztec Print and paired it with black leggings, a black Old Navy cardigan, and Madden Girl Black Macramé Portia C Moccasins (Amazon affiliate link)—the shoes are SUPER comfy by the way. I just wore what I had.
I’m obviously no fashion maven, but I felt cute in this outfit while wearing it. When I looked in the mirror though, not so much—I felt like I looked about 7 months pregnant and decided “whatever” and wore it anyways.
Please excuse the mess on the floor in the picture—I wasn’t planning on posting these pictures! Also, my mirror is ancient and has an un-washable fog, hence, the pictures are horrible quality.
I’m considering buying this dress since it’s fairly affordable and it’s really comfy—but I’m not sure I can get over how I feel like I look huge in this dress….decisions, decisions.
I’m loving the Aztec prints right now. My mom bought me this super cute sweater in the Aztec print that is black and white—I love it.
That’s all for now! Have a great weekend and Happy Halloween!
Thursday, October 29, 2015
She Always had Perfect Hair
She always took pride in her hair. She had her style down to a science—wash only a couple of times a week with a shampoo she could only buy in Canada, apply the Suave hairspray (the one with the pink cap) precisely on the front, expertly swoop the hair back just so, apply a specific number of hair pins (which she could only find at Sally Beauty Supply), and tease the strands until she was satisfied with the look.
Due to an obsessive urge for perfectionism, a trait inherited from her successful father who also had perfectly styled hair, this process could take almost an hour—sometimes including frustrated sighs, starting the process again from the beginning, and angry words directed at her bald and impatient husband who was standing by the door tapping his foot, having been ready long ago to leave for an appointment.
Her hair could dictate her mood for the day. A few loose strands would cause utter embarrassment as she anxiously worried that people would think her a slob. The decision to stop dying her hair and accept that she was growing older, and her hair whiter, by the year took her over 20 years to make. From the sight of the first strand of snow white hair, another inheritance from her father, she began to worry about how she would look as an old woman with white hair. Her hair was her glory.
One evening, after tripping over her husband’s ill-placed tool box in the dark, she found herself on the floor in the dark with one arm stuck above her head. She screamed in pain, panic, and horror at the fact that she had no control over her arm.
Her husband rushed in the room and, after assuring her that she looked presentable, they headed off to the emergency room, an orthopedic surgeon and to a diagnosis of a fractured and dislocated shoulder. They returned home with strong pain meds and a sling to hold her arm and shoulder.
Her husband was racked with guilt. Why had he left the tool box in the middle of the room? If only he had just put it away. How could he have been so stupid? He apologized to her from the depth of his heart and she accepted with true forgiveness—never once uttering a word to make him feel guilty for his mistake.
After the initial shock of her condition and the intolerable pain she was feeling, she wondered how on earth she would comb her hair with the use of only one arm.
She could never be seen in public with messy hair and since she would have to go to physical therapy and countless doctor appointments—she wasn’t going to be able to hide in the privacy and comfort of her home wearing her pajamas and disheveled white hair. Even if she could have, she would have worried that someone would stop by to visit and see her hair such a mess and she would never get over the embarrassment of it all.
It was agreed upon that her husband would comb and style her hair under her direction. Whenever she was ready to have her hair done, she would call for him and he would get up from his easy chair without a word and be ever-ready to be her personal hair stylist.
She handed him her brush and he gently ran it through her hair. He held one large working hand near the top of her head as he brushed her hair with soft movements, so as not to cause the slightest discomfort of pulled hair.
Next, per her instruction, he carefully created the straightest of parts. With intense concentration he swooped her hair up just so, removed the pink cap from her Suave hairspray and applied it with the smooth motion of an artist’s hand, gently tucked the pins in place and fixed any areas which she felt made her hair look unruly.
Though her eyes showed that her hair wasn’t as perfect as she would have liked, the disappointment was quickly replaced with a look of love as she thanked him for helping her. He graciously told her he would help her anytime because she was his best friend and partner in life—had been since they were 16 years old.
When he left the room, she used her one working arm to straighten her hair to attempt to perfect her style. She didn’t believe it, but her hair had nice volume and looked great.
“Oh, I suppose it’ll do,” she said with a laugh, “when someone is helping you with something you can’t do yourself, you just have to show grace even if it’s not quite how you would do it.”
And so she lived with a few stray hairs and a style that wasn’t just so.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
10 Lessons I’ve Learned as a Mom of an 18 Month Old
You can read all of the latest books on parenting, take all of the childcare classes, and prepare all you want—but nothing prepares you like actually getting down and dirty in the trenches of parenthood.
Before I had a child, I thought I had all of the answers. Now that I have a child—I have all of the questions for the experienced mamas I know. There’s nothing quite as humbling as being a parent.
I cannot imagine how many more lessons I will learn as a parent, but here are just a sampling of some of the lessons I’ve learned thus far. Enjoy!
Your house doesn’t need to look perfect
I was really hard on myself in the first year after my daughter was born. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t keep the house clean, cook a healthy supper at night, take care of the baby, and manage to shower that day. I was lucky if I managed to shower. Part of this was due to postpartum depression, but part of it was due to the fact that I thought I had to have it all together, all of the time. Great news—I don’t!
Someone wise once told me that when you become a parent you have to find a new normal. For me, this means that sometimes I just have to ignore the toys scattered across the floor, the laundry piling up, and dishes stacking up in the sink and accomplish what needs to be done at that moment—whether it be taking a shower, playing with the little one, or just taking some me time. A home is meant to be lived in.
Whatever you do, don’t act alarmed
Whenever the little one would take a tumble, she would immediately look up at me to see my reaction. I quickly learned that if I acted like it was no big deal, then she would too. Conversely, if I panicked—so would she. Now, I wait for her response before I respond—and most often, she takes her tumble, stands back up and keeps on trucking without a single tear.
Increased number of blowouts? Go up a diaper size
This has been my number one indication that it was time to move up a diaper size. Once the blowouts start happening on a regular basis, you know it’s time to move up a size. For me, it’s kind of hard to physically tell if the diaper is too small or not by just looking.
Dislike a food the first, third, or fifth time? Keep trying
If you continue to introduce a new food, more than likely the little one will end up learning to like it. Sometimes the new texture or taste of food isn’t agreeable at first, but don’t give up too easily!
I think my daughter refused strawberries the first 20 times I offered them. Then one day, she started eating them and loved them. I was glad that I didn’t give up!
ALWAYS bring an extra outfit
I keep a bag in the car with an extra outfit or two, diapers, wipes, and snacks. The time that you forget the extra outfit is the time you’re going to need it. Babies are messy little creatures! It doesn’t hurt to have an extra outfit for yourself too—unless you like the look of food or spit up splattered across your shirt.
Little One Acting Out? Remain calm
When my daughter was going through a horrible biting stage, our pediatrician told us that parents are a baby’s favorite toy. Babies love to see the reaction of a parent—both good and bad. She told us that, although it can be hard, when the little one acts out, we need to do everything we can to remain calm. If we start yelling, or scream “ouch”—the baby will probably continue the behavior because he/she finds the reaction entertaining.
Happiness is contagious
One of the most rewarding parts of being a parent is seeing how people light up when they see your little one. Every time we go out, our little girl makes random strangers smile. Children truly are precious and their happiness is contagious. There’s a lot to be learned from the innocence of a child.
It’s okay to accept help
It took the humbling experience of postpartum depression to make me realize how important accepting help is. You don’t have to do it all alone. If you feel overwhelmed, ask for help. If someone offers help and you need it, accept it graciously without guilt. If you just need a few moments alone to recharge, ask someone to take care of the little one for an hour or two. As parents, we need a village of support and it’s so important for our mental and physical health.
It’s Just a Phase
Oh, the countless times I wondered how I would ever survive. There was the biting phase, the chewing on the furniture phase, the throwing food phase (we’re still in this one), the throwing herself on the floor in a tantrum phase, and so many more. Each time, I wondered how in the world I was ever going to be able to teach this little girl of mine that the particular behavior was not acceptable—because nothing I tried would work.
After surviving a few phases, you realize that these behavioral issues are simply phases and eventually your little one will grow out of that phase and onto yet another one. But, it’s only just a phase.
You think you won’t, but you will
Before having a child, I told myself I would never do this and never do that. I would never give up listening to the music I like and listen to children’s music instead. I did—I know so many nursery rhymes, lullabies, and children’s songs now. I often find myself singing them when I’m all alone.
While pregnant, the birth horror stories that every mother thought she needed to tell me was irritating. Now I find myself wanting to share my story—thankfully, I’m usually able to stop myself before I share—but seriously, you think you won’t—but you will. Just wait and see.
Can you relate to any of these lessons? What is an important lesson that you would add to this list?
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Precious Pictures from Childhood
Last week, I mentioned that I was going through old photos while I was visiting my parents. My post focused on how much I hated almost every picture of myself, but there are also plenty of pictures from the first years that are so precious! I thought I would share some of them with you here.
This is me with my older sister. It’s hard to believe that 30 years ago I was just an itty bitty baby. Time flies—but that’s a topic for another post.
This is my favorite picture of all of the ones that I found. This is my older brother, myself, and my older sister. It’s just picture perfect!
My mom told me this was taken on the back steps of our house where we lived in Nebraska. Fun fact—I have lived in four states: Nebraska, Wisconsin, Illinois and now Iowa.
This is the four-year-old me with one of my dolls in my bedroom at my childhood home. I kind of look like Princess Leah with that hair…
Here I am involving myself in the photo shoot that my older brother was trying to have with our beloved dog Buddy; hence my brother lovingly pulling on my ear in the back ground. I was kind of a rambunctious sort in my early years—always trying to entertain, make people laugh, and be the life of the party.
My mom promised us if we would just take one good picture, that then we could take a silly picture.
Here’s the good picture. I’m assuming I was trying really hard not to be silly, which is why my mouth is hanging open. This is my older brother, older sister, myself, and my younger brother.
Thanks for joining me on a trip down memory lane!
Monday, October 26, 2015
What You Don’t Know about the Obese Woman You’re Judging
She carefully inspects a carton of strawberries in the produce section of the grocery store and, after she approves, she places it into her shopping cart. She continues shopping for the items on her grocery list. Dressed comfortably in yoga pants, a sweat shirt, and flip flops, she self-consciously pulls at her sweatshirt where it stretches snugly at her hips.
She breathes a quiet sigh as she adds blueberries, raspberries, bananas, avocados, tomatoes, spinach, carrots, and broccoli to her cart, a rainbow of produce accumulating with each item.
Maybe you are her, perhaps you’ve been her in the past, but at very least—you’ve seen her before. She has a story that the core of her being has been built upon but it’s a story left untold.
She’s not a woman who packed on extra weight after settling down and having children, occasionally reminiscing about the perfect figure that she had in her youth—the one her husband fell in love with.
This isn’t her first diet.
She hasn’t let herself go, although that’s what it looks like upon seeing her and many assume that’s the case.
She has been on diets since she was a child.
She has been bullied and rejected.
As much as she tries, she has never been able to escape the heaviness that she has built around herself. Pain wraps around her soul like the excess flesh that wraps around her waist.
In high school, she wore the largest size gym uniform available and it was still too tight—the shorts would ride up with every rub of her thighs.
On graduation day, she worried that the gown would be too small.
On her first day of college she worried that she wouldn’t fit in the desks.
She desperately tried to convince herself that she felt pretty on her wedding day in the dress which a tailor had to let the seams out of because she had gained more weight.
Pregnancy made her feel even uglier—a time that was supposed to be filled with happiness was filled with shame. Her doctor told her she wouldn’t deliver her baby if she weighed a pound more and it shattered her heart and broke her spirit.
Every single event of her life has been tainted by obesity. It has stolen her happiness and every ounce of self-esteem. She wishes she could forget the heartbreak and that the pain would evaporate, but the memories linger and the weight remains.
Occasionally, the pain overflows and slowly runs down her cheeks. When you ask her what’s wrong, she can’t explain. It’s a lifetime of pain and she doesn’t know where to begin—so it’s a story that’s left untold and she simply carries the memories in her heavy heart.
She continues shopping, marking each item off of her grocery list. Once her cart is filled with the best of intentions, she pays for the items and drives home. Ready to begin on Monday, she’s hopeful that this will finally be the time she sheds the extra weight for good.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Saturday, October 24, 2015
BOGO on Everything Disney at Reebok
Have a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day by getting buy one, get one FREE on everything Disney when you shop Reebok now through November 1st and use the code DISNEY at checkout. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah your way over to Reebok.com and take advantage of this magical sale today!
Start your holiday shopping early and take advantage of this deal!
Here are some of my favorites:
| |
DISNEY CINDERELLA BUTTERFLY BACKPACK $28 | DISNEY CINDERELLA CREW NECK $29.97 |
DISNEY CINDERELLA VENTUREFLEX MARY JANE - INFANT & TODDLER $29.97 | PIXAR INSIDE OUT VENTILATOR - PRE-SCHOOL $59.99 |
DISNEY PLANES BACKPACK $28 | DISNEY PLANES PANTS $24.97 |
DISNEY CARS ATV19 - PRE-SCHOOL $49.97 | DISNEY PLANES ATV19 - PRE-SCHOOL $44.97 |
Friday, October 23, 2015
Week in Review: No Weigh In #2
We ended up staying a second week at my parent’s so I was not able to weigh in today. Honestly, I’m kind of glad I didn’t have to weigh in since I don’t think the results would be very good. Eek.
I didn’t have any “bad days” or “good days”, but I had good moments and bad moments every single day. In that respect, I call it a win. At no point did I decide, “well I just ate _____ so I might as well just eat whatever I want for the rest of the day/week”. I took it one choice at a time.
When I was out and about I parked farther away and walked. While waiting for my mom at her appointment, I spent some time walking Little Miss Sunshine around in the stroller.
I ate a salad or two. I drank lots of water. I counted my points.
I also ate too many desserts. That’s really my biggest downfall…I just can’t resist desserts.
I really messed it all up right out of the gate last weekend. I was sick and moody and I did some emotional eating. Argh.
Here are the stats for the week:
This Week | Last Week | |
Weekly Points Used: | 73/49 | 57/49 |
Activity Points Earned: | 15 | 29 |
Activity Points Used: | 15 | 29 |
Total Steps: | 41,407 | 54,062 |
Weight Loss this Week: | ? | ? |
Total Weight Loss: | ? | - |
After looking at my stats, I really did pretty horribly!! Here’s to a better week this week! I will be home for sure and will have to face the scale next Friday!
How did your week go?
Thursday, October 22, 2015
DIY {Sharpie} Cat Food Dish Tutorial
This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #MyCatMyMuse #CollectiveBias
I’ve been in the crafting mood lately and I love to get in touch with my creative side in ways that don’t include writing. I’m no artist, but I do have tons of fun being artsy—or at least attempting it!
Dudley and Daisy (our furry feline older children) were in need of new food dishes so I seized the opportunity to get creative. The dishes that I created turned out adorable!
Here’s the tutorial and recap of the process in case you want to try your hand at this project. It’s super easy!
What you’ll need:
- An oven safe dish (ceramic)—Make sure to pick out a dish that your cat will be comfortable with. This site has great information on the topic.
- Oil based Sharpies—These will have a band around the bottom of the pen with “oil based” printed on it. You can find them at a craft store or Amazon.
- Rubbing alcohol
- Nail polish remover
- Q-tips
- Cotton balls
Instructions:
Step 1: Wash your dish with soap and water and remove any stickers and adhesive residue. Dry with a clean towel. Wipe all surfaces of the dish with rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball. Allow to dry.
Step 2: Begin creating your design using the oil-based Sharpies. From experience, it’s best to work your way from the inside of the dish, to the sides, to the top edges to ensure that you don’t accidently smudge your design.
However, if you do smudge your design or aren’t happy with what you’ve drawn, it can be easily removed with a little nail polish remover on a Q-tip or cotton ball—I also used a nail polish remover pad and it worked great for larger areas.
Please note that while oil-based Sharpies are non-toxic, Sharpie does not recommend using them on a surface which comes in contact with the mouth or tongue—if you are worried about this and want to create a design on the inside of the dish, you can cut out a hard piece of clear plastic to cover the shape of the inside of the dish. (remember these are dishwasher safe, so the paint stays on quite well)
Step 3: Once your design is finished, allow the dish to dry for about 24 hours. I let mine dry for about 18 hours and it worked perfectly.
Step 4: Place the dish on a cookie sheet and place it into a cold oven. The dish must preheat along with the oven to ensure that it doesn’t crack due to extreme temperature change—this is very important!
Set the oven to 375 degrees and let bake for 30 minutes.
There will be a strong paint smell as they bake, so I recommend opening a window for ventilation during the process.
Step 5: Once the 30 minutes is up, turn the oven off but DO NOT open the oven until the oven has cooled completely—this may take quite a while. Once again, the sudden change in temperature could cause the dishes to break if you open the oven immediately.
Once cooled, remove the dishes and admire your handiwork! The colors tend to change once baked—I actually loved how mine turned out. The purple turned to a darker pink, so I ended up with a dish of two colors of pink and it’s really cute! Daisy loves it, she meowed it to hubby when he fed her.
These are dishwasher safe (only if you used OIL-BASED Sharpies as the tutorial instructs), but hand washing is best. Be sure to wash these before feeding your furry friend!
Hubby fed the cats a Purina Muse® Natural Cat Food specialty in their special new dishes—spoiled little buggers.
Dudley devoured the Natural Tuna and Sea bass Recipe and Daisy enjoyed the Natural Herring and Salmon Recipe. They licked their dishes clean—the food was obviously a flavorful hit with them!
I found the Purina® Muse Natural Food products at PetSmart (where the product is exclusively available) in the cat food aisle.
Choosing which food to buy isn’t a dilemma with Muse because it’s a quality food product. With Muse you don’t have to choose between natural nutrition and food that tastes great. Your cat can have both when you choose Muse. You try to eat nutritious food and as naturally as possible, so why shouldn’t your cat be able to eat the same?
There are a variety of wet recipes available in Chowder, broth, with toppers, in gravy and paté—all are made with real fish or poultry and contain no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives. There are 30 delicious recipes and 24 of them are grain free. Natural has never been so delicious. Put Muse to the test with our clean plate guarantee. Here’s a coupon to get you started.
How will you design your cat food dish? What flavor Purina® Muse Natural Food products would your cat love best?
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
9 Years
Today is our ninth wedding anniversary and I have no idea where that time went. So much has changed in the past nine years, except for the fact that we still love each other.
It seems that with each year I love hubby more and more. This past year has been a trying one with my postpartum depression diagnosis and recovery, but he showed me what unconditional love is and I fell in love with him all over again.
I look forward to falling in love a million more times in our forever together.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Always Fat: I Hate Almost Every Picture of Myself
I’ve been going through boxes of photos while at my parent’s house. It has been fun to see all of the moments from childhood. But I am embarrassed of myself in most of the pictures and it makes me very sad.
I love the photos of me until I turned about 7 or 8 years old. At that point, I went from an average sized child to an overweight child. The pictures of me from 6th grade on are even worse. I can tell that I had zero confidence and can imagine how anxious I felt back then.
Adolescent years are hard for everybody but I think that those years are even harder for those of us with weight problems. Insecurity and not really knowing who you are or where you belong is at its peak in those years, and to feel like you don’t fit in with your peers (or your clothes) is a difficult thing.
My clothes were oversized because I was embarrassed of my body. The styles I had to wear were that of an older woman because there weren’t a lot of plus size options back then.
I went through a phase in 6th grade where I wore black tights every single day because I was embarrassed of my legs and feet.
(After my 6th grade graduation. Notice the baggy mom-clothes and tights.)
A volunteer mother at the school asked me why I wore the black tights all the time—I felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself because she looked at me like I was strange. Thinking back, it was strange—but it was my way of hiding.
It looks like my smile is forced in every picture. The look in my eyes does not reflect the happiness I was trying to show. I don’t know that I hated myself back then as I came to in later years, but I just felt awkward, insecure, and ugly.
To this day it hurts to see those pictures. I flip through them with both hopeful anticipation and dread. It makes me sad about my years growing up.
In some sense, it feels like I never really lived—but at the same time it is what made me who I am today. I felt heartbreak, shame, bullied, belittled, and afraid of people and what hurtful words would escape their lips—and these experiences taught me valuable lessons by which I live by today.
But I can’t help but think of where I am now, at 30 years old. My life turned out better than I could ever imagine. God planned the perfect match for me—a handsome, kind, and generous soul who I now call my husband. And now we have a beautiful and happy little girl. I have all of the things that I ever wanted on an existential level.
But I still don’t like the physical package that I come in and it has weighed on my shoulders like a load of bricks through every life event, from college, to marriage, to pregnancy. It taints every moment and threatens to destroy every happy memory.
I don’t want to go through my entire life being fat. It seems to be a common denominator in my life. I have to do better. I owe it to myself.
I don’t want to hate every picture of myself for the rest of my life. I want to feel good in my body. I don’t want my size to be on my mind all of the time. I don’t want my size to get in the way of living life to the fullest.
I have a lifetime of habits to undo. It feels like a daunting task to try to figure out how to change and to change for good.
Maybe I don’t have to have it all figured out, I just have to take the next step.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Our Annual Trip to the Apple Orchard
This year we decided to try an apple orchard at a different location, although it is owned by the same family—we were really happy with it and will probably go again next year. Plus, they had apple cider slushies—how delicious!
The one we usually go to gets so crowded and it can be difficult to look at everything because there are so many people. This other location had all of the things that we like to buy (apple cider donuts ha), also had a petting zoo, and wasn’t crowded at all.
There was a lovely selection of squash and pumpkins. They were selling an “apple gourd” which I had never seen before. I didn’t think to take a picture of it, but you can see one that was dried and decorated in the background.
There was a nice selection of gift items. All we bought was a little book for Little Miss Sunshine. It’s always fun to browse though.
It was a beautiful fall day—sunny and just the right amount of chilly. It made for beautiful scenes of colors beneath a bright blue sky.
There were two beautiful dogs on the property that were very friendly. I’m not sure what kind they were. As soon as we sat down to enjoy our apple cider donuts, one of the dogs came and just stood in front of us staring at our donuts. At one point, I looked away and he grabbed the donut out of my hand and ate it!
It was a little awkward because we had two dogs and a cat sitting there staring at us by the time we were done. Little Miss Sunshine loved it though. And I miss having a mild mannered dog like these ones so it was fun to pet them.
These traditions are actually getting more fun now that we have a little one. Looking forward to many more, God willing!