10 Lessons I’ve Learned as a Mom of an 18 Month Old

You can read all of the latest books on parenting, take all of the childcare classes, and prepare all you want—but nothing prepares you like actually getting down and dirty in the trenches of parenthood.

Before I had a child, I thought I had all of the answers. Now that I have a child—I have all of the questions for the experienced mamas I know. There’s nothing quite as humbling as being a parent.

I cannot imagine how many more lessons I will learn as a parent, but here are just a sampling of some of the lessons I’ve learned thus far. Enjoy!

 

 

Your house doesn’t need to look perfect

I was really hard on myself in the first year after my daughter was born. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t keep the house clean, cook a healthy supper at night, take care of the baby, and manage to shower that day. I was lucky if I managed to shower. Part of this was due to postpartum depression, but part of it was due to the fact that I thought I had to have it all together, all of the time. Great news—I don’t!

Someone wise once told me that when you become a parent you have to find a new normal. For me, this means that sometimes I just have to ignore the toys scattered across the floor, the laundry piling up, and dishes stacking up in the sink and accomplish what needs to be done at that moment—whether it be taking a shower, playing with the little one, or just taking some me time. A home is meant to be lived in.

 

Whatever you do, don’t act alarmed

Whenever the little one would take a tumble, she would immediately look up at me to see my reaction. I quickly learned that if I acted like it was no big deal, then she would too. Conversely, if I panicked—so would she. Now, I wait for her response before I respond—and most often, she takes her tumble, stands back up and keeps on trucking without a single tear.

 

Increased number of blowouts? Go up a diaper size

This has been my number one indication that it was time to move up a diaper size. Once the blowouts start happening on a regular basis, you know it’s time to move up a size. For me, it’s kind of hard to physically tell if the diaper is too small or not by just looking.

 

Dislike a food the first, third, or fifth time? Keep trying

If you continue to introduce a new food, more than likely the little one will end up learning to like it. Sometimes the new texture or taste of food isn’t agreeable at first, but don’t give up too easily!

I think my daughter refused strawberries the first 20 times I offered them. Then one day, she started eating them and loved them. I was glad that I didn’t give up!

 

ALWAYS bring an extra outfit

I keep a bag in the car with an extra outfit or two, diapers, wipes, and snacks. The time that you forget the extra outfit is the time you’re going to need it. Babies are messy little creatures! It doesn’t hurt to have an extra outfit for yourself too—unless you like the look of food or spit up splattered across your shirt.

 

Little One Acting Out? Remain calm

When my daughter was going through a horrible biting stage, our pediatrician told us that parents are a baby’s favorite toy. Babies love to see the reaction of a parent—both good and bad. She told us that, although it can be hard, when the little one acts out, we need to do everything we can to remain calm. If we start yelling, or scream “ouch”—the baby will probably continue the behavior because he/she finds the reaction entertaining.

 

Happiness is contagious

One of the most rewarding parts of being a parent is seeing how people light up when they see your little one. Every time we go out, our little girl makes random strangers smile. Children truly are precious and their happiness is contagious. There’s a lot to be learned from the innocence of a child.

 

It’s okay to accept help

It took the humbling experience of postpartum depression to make me realize how important accepting help is. You don’t have to do it all alone. If you feel overwhelmed, ask for help. If someone offers help and you need it, accept it graciously without guilt. If you just need a few moments alone to recharge, ask someone to take care of the little one for an hour or two. As parents, we need a village of support and it’s so important for our mental and physical health.

 

It’s Just a Phase

Oh, the countless times I wondered how I would ever survive. There was the biting phase, the chewing on the furniture phase, the throwing food phase (we’re still in this one), the throwing herself on the floor in a tantrum phase, and so many more. Each time, I wondered how in the world I was ever going to be able to teach this little girl of mine that the particular behavior was not acceptable—because nothing I tried would work.

After surviving a few phases, you realize that these behavioral issues are simply phases and eventually your little one will grow out of that phase and onto yet another one. But, it’s only just a phase.

 

You think you won’t, but you will

Before having a child, I told myself I would never do this and never do that. I would never give up listening to the music I like and listen to children’s music instead. I did—I know so many nursery rhymes, lullabies, and children’s songs now. I often find myself singing them when I’m all alone.

While pregnant, the birth horror stories that every mother thought she needed to tell me was irritating. Now I find myself wanting to share my story—thankfully, I’m usually able to stop myself before I share—but seriously, you think you won’t—but you will. Just wait and see.

 

Can you relate to any of these lessons? What is an important lesson that you would add to this list?

Our First Family Bike Ride

We had a fun weekend camping for the first time this year and finally being able to be the active family that we want to be.

My goodness, the first camping trip takes a lot of preparation. We brought our camper home and I cleaned it, which didn’t take much time because I cleaned it really well last fall before we put it away for the winter. The hardest part was all of the packing and purchasing of essentials. It took SO much time—especially with the little one following me around.

And then we found out that baby’s new car seat doesn’t work in hubby’s truck so we ended up driving separate vehicles. It wasn’t a big deal but it’s harder to keep baby girl entertained when I’m alone. It was about an hour and a half drive. We just have to have some type of brake system installed in our Jeep and we’ll be good to go for the next time.

So we had all of that and then we arrived and found that the forecast had changed and there would be rain for the weekend—but it did all turn out to be ok. It rained at all of the right times and our plans weren’t interrupted. The rain made the air cool during the morning and afternoon—so that was a plus!

We camped at Lake Red Rock, which is near Pella, Iowa. I had never seen the lake before and it is a really beautiful area. Our campsite had an entrance to a great paved trail that wound through a gorgeous dense forest with huge trees and all kinds of wildlife. I’d say it was the prettiest trail we have ever biked on.

We got a bike trailer so that we can go biking as a family. Baby girl did really well and didn’t get fussy until the very end because she was tired and needed another nap.

We have a helmet for her but she was refusing to wear it. It will be non-negotiable in the future and I’m sure she will get used to it.

This trail was seriously hilly. There were quite a few times we had to stop and walk up the hills or we would make it to the top gasping for air and had to take a break. Really, the Fitbit registered us climbing 33 flights of stairs on this bike ride. Talk about getting back into biking by hitting a hard trail first thing! We haven’t biked in a couple of years since two years ago I was pregnant and last year I was struggling with just trying to get through the days as a new mom with postpartum depression. Both hubby and I aren’t in the shape we were two years ago either. Whew! It was a fantastic workout.

It was so peaceful on the trail. We saw and heard song birds. A fawn ran across the trail right in front of us. A chipmunk sat still on a log just a couple of feet away from us. A thousand cotton tailed rabbits bounced across the trail and into the deep green forest. Butterflies were everywhere—and a variety of them. Purple, yellow, and white wild flowers graced the trail edge. There were glimpses of the lake every so often, including a marina with sailboats resting on the waters.

I was reminded that biking is most definitely my favorite form of exercise. I love being out on the trails experiencing nature, getting my heart rate up, and feeling the breeze in my face.

We turned around when baby started to get fussy and storms were looming on the horizon. Poor hubby had a little mishap on a wooden bridge on the way back—it must have rained in that area and it was very wet and his bike slid over. He caught himself so he was ok. Thankfully, he told me to walk when I caught up to him. My bike kept sliding over when I was walking it across!

Biking has always been a favorite activity for hubby and me. I’m so happy that we will be able to continue this as our family grows. It was a little bit different with stops for diaper changes and snack time, not to mention hubby having to pull around another 30+ lbs. in a trailer!

Overall, the ride was about 10.5 miles and took us about 2 hours because of numerous stops. I was starving when we got back to our campsite. I was happy that I had planned ahead and brought delicious fresh fruit to snack on! It was so refreshing.

That evening hubby and I got to enjoy another campfire and kick up our feet!

As I mentioned I would, I tracked all of my points over the weekend. I did really, really well until yesterday. I ate 1.5 donuts and also had pizza! This was simply because of lack of planning—I was hungry on our drive and by the time we got home I didn’t feel like cooking and pizza just sounded amazing. I ended up using 3 extra points. I think I’ll be ok though because I will do well for the rest of the week.

I’m looking forward to our next family adventure!

April At Home Date Night: Hubby’s Turn!

Hubby waited until the very last minute to plan our April date night. Seriously, we had our date at 8:30 p.m. on April 30th! And that’s perfectly ok because it felt so romantic and I loved every minute.

In case you are just starting to follow along, at the beginning of the year, hubby and I decided to alternate turns planning a date night each month. Since becoming parents a year ago, we have realized how important it is to foster our relationship. While it’s not always possible for us to leave the house and go out for a date night alone, we plan at home dates!

I put baby girl down for bed and came down the stairs to have hubby stop me and tell me to wait before coming down. He came back and took my hand and walked me to our enclosed porch.

He had set the patio table and had a sushi supper removed from take out containers and placed perfectly on dishes. He had three little candles burning and had placed a red tulip in a little vase on the table. It was just perfect. The sun was setting and the weather was just right. It made me so happy that he put together something so romantic for us.

Once we started eating, I noticed he had written a note on my napkin.

Wasn’t that just the sweetest plan for a date night at home?

It was so nice and relaxing to eat a delicious meal as just the two of us. We had nice conversation and a great time together.

May is my turn! Hmmm…better start planning!

Interested in previous date nights?

January

February

March

She Wears a Cardigan Beneath Her Dress

I wake up before the alarm, as I often do when I am worried. One hour and 32 minutes early. My hands are shaky and I feel so much nervous energy, like I could start twitching. Behind my tired and heavy eyes, my mind immediately starts running 1,000 miles a minute.

My heart seems to be pounding in my chest. It’s not deafening, but I notice it. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. You’re not supposed to notice your own heart beat—it’s like breathing, it’s something you do unconsciously but it becomes laborious when you’re mindful of it. 

I try to be still and quiet so as not to wake him. I try to silence my mind and to relax my muscles but I realize it’s futile. I reach for my phone and read my emails, check for new photos on Instagram, and take a peek at the weather for the day—frigid, yet again. But no matter how still I try to be, he always seems to know when I’m not restful and he begins to stir. Three gentle taps of his big, calloused hands on my arm tells me he loves me even when he’s still too sleepy to say it out loud.

He wakes up at his 6 a.m. alarm. He likes to be punctual and he has this habit of waking up hours before the time when he would absolutely have to wake up. He really does it for me, but he doesn’t say so.

I tell him that I’ll come downstairs too—there’s a lot that needs to be done and I won’t be able to sleep anyways. He tells me to stay put and to rest—I need it. So I do. I’m not able to sleep, but I enjoy the silence of the morning, the stillness of the house, the softness of the sheets, and the morning light peeking around the shades.

Even though I feel like curling up in a ball and staying there forever, I roll out of bed. I’m very quiet so as not to wake the baby. The old wooden floor creaks under my socked feet and I anticipate the dependable morning chatters of her morning wake. While the noise does bring joy to my heart, I also feel like cringing because it means I have to start the day. Another day. Yet another day. And I don’t know if I have the strength.

When I come down the stairs I smell the distinct woodsy smell of his soap. The air is warm and moist. He is freshly shaven and dressed in a white cotton shirt and red boxer shorts. I could forever breathe that smell—close my eyes and savor its pleasantness and how uniquely it is him. But there’s too much to be done and so I simply let the moment pass seemingly unnoticed.

I mutter good morning. He asks me what’s wrong. I sharply deny anything and everything. Nothing. It’s always nothing, yet it’s everything and I just can’t understand or express it all.

And then I notice. The clean dishes are put away, even though not exactly like I would put them away—I try not to focus on that because I know it’s not really important, but I still let it irritate me. The dirty dishes are loaded in the dishwasher, precisely the way that he believes is the best way to get them clean. He’s folding warm towels.

I breathe a sense of relief, but feel guilty that he has done all of this. I’m supposed to be the homemaker now, why am I struggling so much? Appreciation overflows from the cup of my very soul and I tell him how thankful I am for how much he does. His actions are precious gifts.

Feeling courageous after hearing his actions speak, I tell him how I feel. I am nervous. I worry that while we are out that baby will be out of control, that I won’t know how to keep her quiet, that everyone will be staring and judging me as a bad mother, that I don’t know what I’m doing, that I can’t keep afloat in this motherhood role. I am so nervous and it’s making me on edge. I desperately don’t want to feel nervous. I want to feel normal.

And he hugs me, assures me that he’ll be there and he will help. It will be ok. I breathe him in and I feel better.

The sun continues to rise while I make breakfast, feed the baby, brew coffee, plan lunch, make bottles, pack the baby bag, clear the dishes off the table, clean up the kitchen, and plan our outfits. It’s never enough though. There’s always more to be done. I’m exhausted and the day has barely begun.

I take a moment to sit down to finish my coffee, which has grown cold. I close my eyes and long for a caffeine rush but, as usual, it never comes. My mind does feel better for resting, but I still have to shower. I am in a nervous frenzy as I rush into the bathroom to get ready. I tell him that I don’t think I’m ever going to have enough time to get myself ready and to dress the baby. I try to hurry. I’m worried, nervous, and anxious.

When I step out of the shower, he is getting his clothes together. I hear the baby whining as she crawls towards the bathroom. I immediately start to panic and feel overwhelmed, even resentful. Though it doesn’t all lie on my shoulders, I feel like it does.

He picks up the baby and starts to sing “The Wheels on the Bus”, her favorite song and instant soother. His manly voice singing this childish song is a sweet melody to my heart. When I look at them both, my heart absolutely melts when I see he has dressed her.

Her gray cardigan sweater is buttoned up and beneath her purple and white polka dotted dress instead of over top of it.  She’s wearing pink athletic style socks, but otherwise she is bare legged with no tights on. Her hair is disheveled and unruly. As he holds her like she is his masterpiece, his brown eyes are sparkling and he is beaming with pride.

Although she looks slightly irritated, her pretty pink lips curl and she smiles her toothy, slobbery grin. She bounces in excitement.

And I giggle at the sight of it all. And then I start laughing so hard I feel like I could cry. He laughs too, but doesn’t know why I’m laughing.

I’m pretty sure there is no greater love than his on this earth. And I am so grateful that he shares it with me.

 

This post was written prior to a postpartum depression diagnosis. This is a snapshot of a moment of an ordinary day with postpartum depression.

This post is also in response to the 52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge on Pinterest, “Spouse/significant other” writing prompt.