I avoid full length mirrors as much as I can. I try not to look at my reflection in the glass of store windows. After gaining back the weight I lost a few years ago, I just can’t stand to see my whole body—it makes me very sad.
While shopping today, I saw myself in the full length dressing room mirror. I didn’t like what I saw. My hips were already wide, being that I am pear shaped, but I think that after having a baby they are even wider. Ugh—just what I need.
But as much as I hated my reflection, I decided not to let it ruin my day. I was pleasantly surprised when I realized that as soon as I was horrified by my reflection, the thoughts that followed were much more positive than they would have been in the past:
- I’m more than the package I come in.
- I have a family that loves me no matter what I look like.
- Even though overweight, my body still created a miracle of life and for that I highly respect my body.
- You only live once and I don’t want to spend my life feeling bad about myself.
- I haven’t given up.
I still find my mind wandering in a self-loathing direction, but I find myself pairing those thoughts with something more positive.
I often feel like I am a horrible human being simply because I am overweight. One of the struggles with postpartum depression is imagining that other people are looking at me and thinking I am a terrible mom—thankfully those thoughts are improving for the most part.
However, I believe I have always imagined what people are thinking about me because of my weight. And just as I have had to work to replace the negative thoughts regarding myself as a mother with positive ones, I also need to work on replacing the negative thoughts about my body with positive ones.
For example:
- I hate my hips because they are so wide.
- Positive: My hips helped me carry a baby for 9 months and I wouldn’t trade my baby for narrow hips!
When my therapist and I discussed body image a while back, she told me that there are some good things about being larger. For example, we’re a lot more fun to hug. She mentioned her daughter told her that she was nice and comfy to cuddle with—and at first she felt bad, but then she realized that she can love that about herself instead of hating it.
I am trying to work on loving myself NOW. It doesn’t mean that I’m not going to try to change, but if I don’t love myself now how am I going to love myself when I’m at a lower weight?
What’s something you hate about yourself? Negate it with a positive thought.
