I thought I had holidays down. I took Thanksgiving with a breeze and lost a significant amount of weight that week. Christmas? I knew the points for everything I ate ahead of time and saved most of my weekly points for over the course of the weekend. I lost 1 lb. that week.
Over New Year’s Eve weekend, things did not go as the past holidays have gone. I felt like my grip on control loosened and I was being dragged across the ground by my own choices. I may have fallen off the wagon, but my hands never let go of the reins.
So here I stand before you, covered in dust, bruised and mostly broken, or should I say bloated, thirsty, and disappointed in myself. But I’m not giving up!
But it does make me realize that I constantly stand on the edge of being healthy overlooking the black and looming depth of where I used to be. And it’s just one choice away. One. Choice. Away.
I refuse to go there again. Back to the constant feelings of self loathing. Back to feeling bloated and uncomfortable in my clothes, body and life. I refuse to go back to feeling so insecure and unhappy about myself that it would bring me to tears. It’s not just food that I’m choosing to eat during those times when I am constantly shoving junk in my mouth, I am choosing all of those things that I hate about being obese. All of the things that I thought I had conquered. I have realized that I may never have this tiger by the tail. I may always struggle. Some battles I may win and some I may lose, like this past weekend. This will be my life long battle. But if I get back up. Wipe the dust off my bloated body and just keep going, I will never go back to where I was before. It is just one choice. One choice that takes me back from that ledge and back to more stable ground.
I. Choose. Health.
