Today I’ve been thinking about this journey in a little different way. This has been prompted by my ever growing hatred of the scale. I’m tired of focusing on numbers. It’s not really the number that I want to see, it’s about how I want to feel.
I want to feel confident, athletic, slender, pretty, stylish, healthy, radiant, and happy. I really don’t care what number is on the scale—I just want to feel good about myself.
So instead of approaching food and healthy living with the “will this make me gain weight or lose” attitude, I want to try to approach healthy living with a “will this be good for me” kind of attitude.
It’s really about self-love. Can’t I find enough self-love to eat foods that are good for my body most of the time? Can’t I find enough self-love to get myself moving? Can’t I find enough self-love to stop berating myself?
One of my biggest battles lately has been self confidence. I pretty much lost it all when I gained back some of the weight I had lost. When I leave the house, I feel like I just want to hide myself. I compensate by wearing clothes that are looser and hide more. I feel safe that way.
But this makes the entire process so much harder. I look in the mirror and only see my flaws. Instead, I want to focus on the things that I like about myself. Looking at myself in the mirror and focusing on my flaws is not good for me. It’s not good for my health, and it doesn’t change anything.
I’m going to go back to the basics and work on liking myself again. I had started to like the woman I was becoming. I felt so strong, so determined, and so successful. Today, I feel the opposite of all of those things.
But I know I can do this. I can be healthy and happy again. Just one positive thought at a time.
