This week I lost .8 lb. which puts me at a total loss so far of 4.2 lbs. It’s progress and I will take it!
It wasn’t that long ago that I was at my lowest weight and struggling to lose more. I was really hard on myself and blamed myself that I wasn’t doing enough to lose the weight. In fact, I was exercising (running) regularly and eating very, very healthily.
I used to take every comment I received to heart. All kinds of people would comment and tell me that I shouldn’t be eating fruit, sugar, flour, eggs, gluten, potatoes, or dairy (to name a few). I should eat more protein, less fat, more fat, more beans, drink only juice, eat only raw food, never eat past 7 p.m., eat more snacks, less snacks, never snack, go on this diet, eat less carbs, eat carbs at certain times of the day, go on that diet, take these pills, drink these shakes, and so much more.
And I listened. And I beat myself up about it. And I tried to stand for what I believed would work for me because it had been working for me, but I failed and fell into the trap of following whatever fad I thought would work. I thought that I had to change my habits because they didn’t work, forgetting the fact that the way I was eating had afforded me an almost 90 lb. weight loss.
One of my biggest stumbles was not believing in myself and not giving myself a break. I couldn’t truly acknowledge the strides I had made following my own intuition because I was too busy thinking that everyone else knew better than me. The truth is, I know what’s best for my body and I don’t have to feel bad because I’m not doing what someone else is doing or losing as fast as, well, pretty much every other person out there.
And so I am starting to get back into my groove. I have had a bit of an epiphany, as of late, of the unrealistic expectations that I set for myself. I am too hard on myself. I worry too much. I am not perfect and I don’t have to beat myself up over that fact—really, I don’t. I am trying to relax and not be such a bundle of nerves all of the time. I’m admitting I have a problem, and I’m trying to take steps in the right direction.
I am often ashamed that my losses have been so small—but I know the strides I have taken. I don’t show or talk about my struggles. But they’re there and I am jumping the hurdles, albeit not always so gracefully. Right now, I am working on being kind to myself. There is hope and I know that if I feel better and more like “myself” on a regular basis, I will see the big strides I saw a few years ago.
So anyways, I’m not sure all of this makes sense—but I laid it all out there! Summary: I’m being kind to myself, trusting myself, and not being overly concerned with the number on the scale because it’s not my only battle to fight and certainly not the most important one.
