Personal Update, Struggles, and Style

Hello everyone and happy Thursday!

I decided to do my personal update post today instead of including it with my weigh in stats tomorrow. Mostly, I just need to talk about what has been going on lately so I can get my head on straight.

I accidently ate too many points on our day trip. I say accidently because we ended up going to Perkins and baby was fussy, super energetic and hard to handle! I wasn’t able to look up my points until after we left and then realized that I had eaten more points than I had. Bummer. I also could have made better decisions in general.

So I had best intentions for the following days and then I let stress get in the way—which I always seem to do.

Baby girl has had some “intestinal” problems since April 30th. I feed her very well—lots of veggies, I’ve added pureed fruit since I can’t get her to eat it otherwise, whole grains, etc. I had even started adding a bit of apple juice to her water, took my mother’s advice and added 1 tsp of Karo syrup to her bottles (I never thought I would do something like this but when your baby is in pain you’ll try anything!), gave her massages, etc. I was doing everything right and things weren’t improving. She was in so much pain and the doctor’s office didn’t seem to understand my concern, which made me more frustrated because I felt so helpless!

I started adding prune juice to her bottles and to her water. I made bran muffins, kept up the foods with high fiber content, and made sure she was drinking enough water. I eventually had to go to a last resort and give her a glycerin suppository, which the doctor recommended (the kid’s version). That finally helped and everything started to work normally again—almost too much! You’re welcome for this information, I just wanted to talk about it…lol.

Before I had a baby, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to handle boogers, poop and everything else. “Gross!”, I’d say. But you know what? When you become a mama, all of the sudden none of that matters anymore and you take care of business. I’ve been pooped on, peed on, and vomited on more times than I can count and I have never even gagged. Funny how that works out!

So my point in sharing TMI is to say that I have been stressed out this week…and also hormonal. Add nights with baby girl waking up numerous times. Bad, bad combination.

I was tracking everything I ate whether I thought it was “good” or not. And then about yesterday I stopped tracking. I didn’t go crazy and eat everything in sight, but I probably didn’t need that sundae with hot fudge and Reese’s.

Sigh. In keeping with my goal to have a “survivor mentality”, I take full responsibility. If I am going to “survive”, I will have to learn how to handle stress better. How long have I been saying this? I think I should talk to my counselor about this…maybe I can finally get some help!

On another note, my anxiety continues to improve and I am feeling much more normal—Yay!

In other news, we’re having baby girl’s 1 year photos taken this Saturday. I decided to add on the cake smash option too. It will be so cute. We’re using the same photographer who took her newborn pics—super cute! This lady is so talented. She’s also going to shoot a couple photos of us as a family.

I have baby girl’s outfits, and have hubby’s outfit planned but I don’t have anything yet! I ordered a custom chevron skirt on Etsy and it just shipped—it might be here by Saturday and it might not—so I will have to plan otherwise. I’m really hoping it gets here and it fits. I’m going to go shopping and am going to try to find a denim top to wear with my maxi skirts—I was looking at fashion on Pinterest and it looks like this is in style right now? What do I know…but I think it’s cute anyways!

This is the look I’m going for—minus the necklace and style of headband. My skirt will be aqua and white. (Pinterest link)

If I can’t find a denim “top”, I will try to find a denim jacket—this is the look.  (Pinterest link)

What do you think?

Anyways, I better get moving because I have a counseling appointment this afternoon and will have to get baby fed, bathed, and dressed before then…and myself too!

Do you have a Survivor or Victim Mentality in Weight Loss and Life?

The concept of survivor vs. victim mentality was introduced to me in a counseling session, of which I have been going to for postpartum depression recovery. We were discussing a difficult relationship and her advice was invaluable to me—I do plan to blog about dealing with negative relationships soon, but what I find especially intriguing right now is applying this concept to weight loss.

I believe that I have taken on both the survivor and the victim mentality throughout the years. I remember the first time that I met my doctor and I was struggling to lose more weight, having already lost a significant amount, and she told me “you are NOT a failure”. I hadn’t mentioned anything about feeling like a failure, but somehow she had just the right words.

I remember coming home, getting on my recumbent bike and biking my heart out with tears streaming down my face.

I am NOT a failure. I, Alissa, am NOT a failure.

The thought was amazingly freeing and it was a huge turning point for me.

I finally realized that all of the heartbreak I had endured with various people (adults, coaches, and peers) telling me that who I was wasn’t good enough, skinny enough, fast enough, talented enough, pretty enough, outgoing enough—none of that was true.

These were no longer excuses for me to feel like a victim broken by life and like I didn’t measure up—instead, they were experiences that made me stronger, better, and kinder. I was a survivor of these experiences. It doesn’t mean that these experiences were not painful, that they weren’t wrong in so many ways, or that it was even a gift that I went through them. It simply meant that life threw cruelty in my face in so many ways and that I am still standing strong—better for it.

It took me a very long time to get to this place of acceptance and strength. And to this day, I can honestly say that I truly believe that the comments made about me and cruel actions towards me are not a reflection of myself, but a reflection of the inflictor. These were their issues, not mine. I am a survivor.

A SURVIVOR.

The word simply invokes strength out of what felt like weakness. It is a shift in mentality that I am finding is a key to happiness.

And so I have been thinking about ways in which I am taking on a victim role in regard to weight loss and my life in general. These are areas of my life that I need to take responsibility for and take action. That doesn’t mean that they are not valid, or that I am silly for feeling a certain way—it simply means that to move forward and to be a survivor, I have to take action. Nobody can do this for me except for me.

• Victim mentality: I have always felt like I received the short end of the stick in the genetics department. Somehow, I inherited the weight problem.
• Survivor mentality: I may have been born with a tendency to be overweight, but I can make changes to get my health under control.

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• Victim mentality: I can’t stop eating my emotions because so and so invokes these feelings and makes me upset.
• Survivor mentality: No one controls my actions except for me. So and so may be unkind, but I am allowing myself to get upset and I am also choosing to eat.

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• Victim mentality: No one likes me as much as they like so and so. They never have and they never will.
• Survivor mentality: Even if people were cruel in the past, it doesn’t mean that everyone is that way or that it was my fault. If I try to be more friendly, people will probably respond—if they don’t, that’s their problem, not mine.

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• Victim mentality: Everyone else can eat whatever they want whenever they want. If I so much as look at a cookie, I will gain 10 lbs. It’s just not fair.
• Survivor mentality: Maybe it doesn’t seem fair, but this is the body I have been given and I will only live once. It’s not that I don’t get to eat delicious foods, it’s just that I have set goals that I want to meet and so I must practice moderation. I will be happier having met my goals. The sooner I accept the fact that this is just the way my metabolism is, the sooner I can take steps to move forward.

 

My examples are kind of “big” issues, but I think it’s easy to have the victim mentality in many shapes and forms. Throughout my journey with PPD, I have learned that my thoughts are incredibly impactful.

Just because we have a victim mentality right now does not mean that we can’t change the way that we think. It’s possible. It takes a lot of mindfulness to identify these thoughts and then change them—but it’s possible.

I can be a survivor and so can you.

 

Can you identify any ways that you have taken on the victim mentality? How can you change that into the survivor mentality?