If you look on the right hand side bar, you’ll see a section titled “My Goal Rewards”. Throughout my weight loss, I’ve set rewards for every 10 lbs. lost and I will continue to do so. Over the years, I earned a Columbia fleece, a new pair of shoes, an iPod, my favorite lotions, and a lot of other things! Looking at it all together it looks pretty expensive! But it was over a long period of time and well worth it for the incentive.
I came within a couple of pounds of meeting my 198 goal reward which was to go to an amusement park and ride all of the rides. I have always felt like I was too heavy to participate in a lot of activities like this. Afraid of the looks I would receive if I couldn’t fit in the seat or something of the like. Had this ever happened to me? No, but I think it’s a fear that most overweight people have.
We wanted to go to an amusement park last year and we kept putting it off because I was so close to my goal and I needed to “earn” it. And this year, I am so much farther from that goal and decided that enough was enough. I wasn’t going to let a number on the scale keep me from living life.
So we went to am amusement park this past weekend. I rode every roller coaster at the park. I hated every single minute of it but I was brave enough to do it. I learned that roller coasters are not for me and I really don’t care if I never go on one again.
But I lived. I always wanted to go and I did it. Discovering that I didn’t really enjoy it is ok! Now I know. I did enjoy the water rides a lot though. I also put on my swim suit and enjoyed floating around in a tube in the lazy river of the attached water park. I may be embarrassed of my weight, but I’m not going to let it stop me from living any more.
An interesting part of this trip is that I saw quite a few people larger than me. I saw a couple of women struggle to lift their legs to climb into a raft. I saw the people in line in front of me snicker as they watched the women struggle and I wanted to make them feel how ashamed those women must have felt. It’s not funny. It’s heart breaking. And this is probably why I had avoided going to an amusement park while overweight. People are cruel.
I wish people would consider the fact that they don’t know the whole story before they decide to judge every obese person they see. More than likely, there’s a deep struggle and lots of anguish going on inside past the layers of fat. It’s never ok to laugh at others for their struggles. Some struggles are visible and others aren’t. Some of our struggles are just a lot more obvious.
But no matter how obvious the struggle, it’s important to be alive. It’s important to experience the thrills of life. What good is a life if it’s spent not truly living but only surviving.
I choose to live NOW, even as I struggle to improve my life and become the person that I want to be. There might not be a tomorrow and I am choosing to live today.
The title of your post is exactly how I felt when I started on my journey.
ReplyDeleteI've been meeting new people the last few years that didn't know of my struggle with weight or that I was ever obese so they say things that seen natural to them but I cringe but I stay quiet.
I can empathize with the overweight women more than women around my size now who have no idea.
Good for you for pushing yourself and good luck with your goals!
I actually never noticed that rewards thing to the side. Not sure how I missed it! I used to LOVE amusement park rides. We went about 2 years ago and rode roller coasters. I found out that I don't love roller coasters anymore at my age and knowing I could fall off, die, and never see my 4 kids again. LOL I was a pathetic mess and I can't see me riding one anymore in the near future. That is very sad that the lady was being snickered at. But you're right. People really are cruel. Of course people will notice someone having issues getting into a raft, but to mock them is unacceptable. :( I'm glad you allowed yourself to go on to the amusement park. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a big fan of roller coasters either, I don't mind some but if they go upside down I really don't like the look of them so I avoid at all costs. Living is more important than weight loss, be happy with life and I have found the weight loss will fall into place when you and your body are most mentally equipped for it. Be Happy, Live life and the confidence and strength you get from that helps with the weight loss as I tend to eat LESS when I'm feeling good. It's no longer a comfort.
ReplyDeleteroller coasters MAKE. ME. SO. SICK!!! ugh... would never be a goal of mine... at least you know now :P
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you decided to go. I've actually stopped going to amusement parks (which I LOVE) because of the weight I've put on. It's uncomfortable for me on most of the rides and takes the enjoyment out. So while I haven't put a number on the scale, my goal is to make it back next summer and ride comfortably.
ReplyDeleteWe ALL have our own struggles...some physical and others emotionally. What a great post and a good reminder to think before judging.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I remember years ago, on one of my Weight Watcher attempts, telling a gal I was going to color my hair when I lost X amount of weight. She came back to me later telling me I should just color my hair and pick something else as a reward.
ReplyDeleteThe hair color would've been doing my roots blonde to match and she said, "Just in case you don't get there soon and your roots start taking over your head, because then you might not feel pretty and you'll be upset about the slow weight loss."
She was so right!
The first step in my weight loss was to love myself and live, even if I never lost another pound. It was AFTER I decided to do that I deciding living was taking care of myself and started my weight loss journey.
I'm glad you enjoyed your amusement park adventure!! :)