A Day in the Life of… Me

It’s Wednesday hump day and we’re half way through the week! Even though I’m a SAHM now, I still look forward to the weekends. I guess it’s because hubby is home and weekends are just more fun.

I woke up not feeling the greatest this morning—it actually started last night. I’m wondering if some PB2 I bought is bad. It didn’t smell right but then I thought maybe I was just imagining it and ate some anyways. I bought two containers and opened the other this morning and it smelled bad too.

I had another loss on the scale this morning! That’s two days in a row of reaching new lows on the scale—you’ve gotta love that!

I got myself out of bed before Little Miss Sunshine started stirring. If she’s not in a deep sleep she will wake up when I walk by her room and is usually fussy all morning when that happens.

Success! I made it downstairs to get a little work done.

I took a little time to try to catch up on some blogs. I am so far behind. I hardly even made a dent in the amount of blog posts I need to read yet. Sorry everyone!

It wasn’t long until LMS was awake. She’s so funny—she had to bring down every single comfort toy she had in her bedroom.

Yes, that is an owl towel. She just took to this towel and so we use it like a blanket.

We usually eat breakfast first thing after she wakes up. She’s usually pretty impatient.

Since I wasn’t feeling the greatest, I just ate a protein bar. And then sipped on a cup of tea. I still have a stash of my favorite tea that’s no longer sold!

After breakfast is play time. I’m not liking this toy storage system one bit. It looks messy and cluttered. We’ll use it until I find something else for the right price and then sell it.

Here’s my dream toy storage system from Pottery Barn Kids.

It’s on sale for $1,249…which I suppose isn’t a terrible deal for high quality furniture, but it’s just not in our budget.

I’m also loving this one, which is $599. That’s more along the lines of something I could save for, but I’m not sure sure I’d want to spend that much on playroom furniture. I bet it wouldn’t be hard to make out of wood pallets.

LMS played Peek’a’boo presents on my iPad while I did some reading. If you have little ones, definitely check out the Peek’a’boo apps by Night & Day Studios. She LOVES them.

And then we were going to do some coloring. I set her up with her crayons and paper and left the room to use the bathroom. This is what I found when I came back.

That’s black pen in the shape of a mustache. She grabbed it from my desk. The bad thing is that I have no idea where she put it so we could have a repeat of this any day.

Thankfully I was able to wash it off with a little soap and water.

My new eating routine includes a mid-morning snack. Today I have 3/4 oz. of cashews. Delish!

After that, we just lounged around for quite a while. I wanted to go run some errands and buy hubby a birthday present but I just felt sick so decided to stay home and take it easy.

We played and looked at books. She wanted to watch Elmo, so she did that and I used it as an opportunity to do some training for my new endeavor.

After lunch we spent some time in the porch because it was super nice outside today—like in the 50s….in December. Wow. I wish I was feeling better and up to venturing outside of the house. I would have gone for a walk with LMS in the stroller! When I feel like this I just want to hide away from the world.

We had some fun deliveries today! This morning we got our supplies for the next 15 days of our eating plan—that’s always fun! A little later another shipment came with some products I received in exchange for another product I bought for my mom that she didn’t like.

The exciting shipment was the new table for the playroom area that I’m working on. Hubby’s parents wanted to buy her a little table to go with a chair they painted and gave her when she was born.

We picked out the small Carolina table from Pottery Barn Kids. It’s really nice and sturdy. Plus, you can purchase taller legs to switch out as she grows.

Of course she had to help me set it up.

LMS thinks she’s pretty big stuff with her own little table.

I plan on saving my money to buy PBK chairs in various colors to go with it.

The room is coming together. I’m really anxious to find a curtain rod that I like so I can get my curtains hung! I’ve had them since October. I got two panels on clearance for only $25 total at Kirkland’s.

In the afternoon, we had a little snack. I had 100 calorie Jolly Time Kettle Corn. I really wanted to eat crackers or something like it—but I felt like this was a better alternative.

I could feel my “emotional” eating habits kicking in today. I didn’t feel well and my response is usually to stuff my face with carbs. Why? IDK. Comfort maybe? I only ate a couple mini-PB crackers, so I’ll call that a win.

I drank a sports drink and that helped me feel a little better and more hydrated…even though I had been drinking all day long. There’s something about the stuff that just makes me feel better. Electrolytes maybe?

LMS didn’t want to take a nap today, but it didn’t take long for her to settle down and fall asleep once she was in her crib. We’re counting the days that we get to use her crib because she has been attempting to climb out for the past couple of months but hasn’t taken the “plunge” yet.

While she was napping, I sipped on a cup of coffee with vanilla caramel creamer. Nope, I’m still not giving up my creamer. It’s the love of my life. It’s always fun to get out the holiday cups.

Moms, do you have that one part of the day that you just enjoy immensely? For example, when the kids are down for a nap and you brew that cup of coffee and get to sit down in peace and drink it? My new therapist and I were talking about this and she said when she had kids that she felt that way about a diet Pepsi. It’s the little things!

On another note, I want to start potty training her soon. I wanted to wait to buy the supplies but then when I think about it, it’s either that or diapers and diapers are expensive too—but you also have to keep restocking them! So I suppose I should just make the purchase. I’ve already picked out the potty that I think will motivate her the best since she loves music. I’m just a little scared to try…ha!

Recently a friend commented that it seemed like I have really beaten postpartum depression lately. And I think that’s a fact. I am feeling better than I have felt in years, actually. (except for the stomach issues today…lol) But I cannot tell you how happy I am to be happy again, to feel inspired and hopeful. It really does get better.

I know the day isn’t quite over yet but I’m going to wrap up this post. We plan on eating breakfast for supper: omelets and possibly Ezekiel toast or oatmeal. Yummy!

I hope you’ve had a great Wednesday!

My Sense of Self

Happy September!

I love September for a variety of reasons: it means that fall is coming (and I love fall), my birthday is this month (even though I’m hitting the big 3-0)…and yeah, pretty much I love September because my birthday is in September and my hubby spoils me. ha

Anyways, I am feeling better today—not 100%, but it at least feels like the fog is lifting. I’ve been making myself sleep until I really feel rested in the morning, which means that I miss out on my morning “me-time”, but I think it’s best for now. I feel excited about starting a new project or going somewhere and that means that I’m feeling positive about life again…that’s a huge relief!

It really helped me to write my post yesterday and just express what was going on in my mind. It helped me to process it all and have a good cry. I’m sorry for when I’m a Debbie Downer, but I want to keep record of this entire process.

When hubby got home, he offered to help me clean the house and told me I would feel so much better if the house looked organized. I pushed myself to do it and it did make me feel better, especially when I came downstairs to an organized house this morning. Hubby didn’t even help me very much…I see how that works. lol

I want to focus on eating foods that are good for me. I have salmon in the oven for lunch today. I need to get groceries because we don’t have a lot of food in the house right now, but I’m trying to use what we do have. I know that we will all feel better if we are eating healthier foods, which means that I really need to practice preparation.

I just don’t want to believe that I will be like this for the rest of my life. It’s all up to me and the choices that I make. It will probably mean exercising and eating healthy when I don’t want to or when I don’t feel like it. It’s required at first and eventually you learn to want to exercise and to want to eat healthy. I can’t wait to get back to that place again.

My life has changed so much. I went from working (and having weekends and evenings off) and doing what I wanted, whenever I wanted--to staying at home (a job that has no “off” hours), and prioritizing my child before myself.

Mothers are required to be selfless, and part of my struggle has been losing my sense of self. I used to think that my identity was wrapped up in my job and my weight, to be honest. And when I no longer had an employer or a position and my weight was heavier than ever, I just felt lost.

Over the past few months, I have begun to figure out what I like to do and what goals and aspirations I have. Yes, I am a wife and I am a mother first and foremost, but I am still a woman with interests and goals.

I’ve begun to put more effort into my blog because blogging is something that I truly love to do. I’ve started to read books again when I have the chance. I’ve been teaching myself photography—I purchased macro lenses and a backdrop to experiment with. I set a goal to write a book. I’ve begun to really write. I’ve been dabbling in web design. I have a variety of other things that I want to do when I am ready.

I’m slowly finding myself again and I am learning that who I am is not contingent on my title or on my weight, but who I am is determined by who I choose to become.

Before I became a Stay at Home Mom

Last week, I asked you to submit any questions you had for me on a Get to Know Me post. I will be answering those questions in posts, starting with this one from Finding Lori.

It is hard to believe that I have been a stay at home mom for over a year now. It seems like just yesterday that I worked a 40 hour traditional job. Being a mom has been more challenging than any job I have ever had, but it also has more benefits.

In January of 2007, I escaped the horrible life of working in retail and began working at a call center. I was working on completing my last “two years” of a B.A. in English Language and Literature and this new job turned out to be the perfect job as a student because I was often able to study at work.

I worked on various accounts and with each one I learned more. I learned about taxes and engines and eventually ended up with a door and window company in August of 2007. Let me tell you, call center agents are not paid nearly enough for the abuse received from some customers. It is an emotionally draining job.

I learned the most at this last account and I know way too much about windows and doors. I have installed the products, taken them apart and reassembled them, ordered parts, toured multiple factories, diagnosed service problems, ordered countless parts, and talked thousands of customers through the steps of fixing their products. It was not a job for the weary, I will tell you that. The turnover rate was pretty high and it took considerable time for people to “catch on”. It was a constant learning experience.

In 2011, I finally graduated from college. It took me four years to finish the last “two years” because I was also working full time. At this point, I was ready to find a new job. I actually hated working at a call center by this time (not as much as I hated retail though). There were unrealistic expectations at times (most of which have been changed), crazy drama, and office politics. I was so happy when I was able to begin working from home, but I still dreaded my work days.

Around this time I began working part time as a newspaper reporter in addition to my full time job. Eventually, I worked part time hours at both. Being a reporter was a good experience for me because I got to know a lot of people in my small town and learned how much I love to hear & write about others, but after about a year I realized that this wasn’t the job for me.

During this time, I was also offered a new position at my other job and I finally started to love my job—at least the work part of it, but not being highly underpaid. I was back to working full time hours at this place again.

This was a new program for which I was the first writer. I wrote content for both customers and phone agents. The type of work that I did at first would be considered technical writing.

After a while, the program expanded and the corporate office hired someone at their location with the same degree I had. I don’t think the client actually knew I had a degree—either way, I was doing the work which I was qualified for while still earning the same paycheck as I did as a call center agent. I was super bummed--but so it goes when you work for a call center because you don’t actually work for the client. It was really frustrating to realize that there was no way I could move up any further as a writer with this type of client relationship at a call center.

And so I decided to look at the job as simply a way to get experience. And it was great experience. As the program became a little more organized, they gave us official role names. For a while I was an editor until they decided to only have editors at the corporate location again—another bummer. And then I was a content author.

Long story short, I wrote articles and instructions for both agents and customers. This was written for the web, so it was much like blogging where I also included pictures, etc. I created an entire glossary for the company and even drew many of the pictures myself—I was pretty proud of it and so was the company. I wrote countless articles about varied topics.

Eventually, I was the only person at my office working on this program again. I was responsible for training the entire team, of about 40 people, as we learned more and more about the program—until they delegated that task to the “trainer” of the account and so I assisted her when she needed. It was a constant shift in organization as they figured out how it should be organized using their current structure of people.

I was pretty happy that maternity leave was nearing. I worked on creating a training guide and trained the person who would fill in for me when I was gone. I tried to have everything in order and a lot of organization to the way everything worked so it would always go smoothly.

After a long day at work and after having just taken on another project, I went into labor later on that evening and baby girl was born the next day. I eventually made the final decision that I would be a SAHM and went into the office one more time to talk to my boss and give my resignation. He told me that the call center and the client were really going to miss me and if I ever wanted to come back he would hire me immediately. I’m glad that I left on such good terms.

This job showed me how much I disliked working in the “business” world. I used to have to go on business trips and sit in meetings and get through dinners out with the clients. The people were super nice & the fancy restaurants were amazing, don’t get me wrong, but I just didn’t feel like it was where I belonged. I hated the competition and the way people acted to try to move their way up. That just isn’t me—I am a genuine person and don’t fake who I am.

But I did love the challenge of my job. I loved having to research and work on technical questions. I enjoyed working through a problem with a product and then figuring out how to put it all into words so that a 5th grader could understand the process. The mental challenge was awesome and kept me from getting bored and feeling unchallenged. I loved being able to work alone but also collaborate as a team.

Overall, I think I hated more aspects of my job than I loved but it was a great experience for 7 years. I learned a lot about myself. More than anything, I learned that jobs will always disappoint you in the end so it’s important not to put your entire life and soul into the job. Faith and family are most important to me and no job will ever rob me of either—it’s all about priorities.

And so this all contributed to my decision to be a SAHM and I am thankful that I have the opportunity to do so. It means less money & expensive things, but the trade off is worth it to me. Now I am able to chase after my real dream of being a writer and publish a book. I’m just getting started!