Self-Sabotage

I’ve begun to notice a pattern. I imagine if you’ve read my blog for any length of time you will know what I’m about to talk about.

I begin to lose weight. I’m all fired up and finding success, incredibly motivated, and inspired. It’s evident that I’ve “got this”. When I’m doing well, my thoughts are positive and I believe in myself. This drives me to see positive results.

And then BAM—it happens.

You read about my journey here on the blog but don’t get a glimpse into the thought pattern that begins to emerge at the times when I begin to struggle. And it’s a constant in many areas of my life when I begin to find success. Actually, the reason I stumbled upon this pattern is because it began to happen in regard to my ability, talents, hopes, and dreams.

I am finally beginning to accomplish what I’ve always dreamed of as far as a “career” goes. It really is happening. I’m beginning to be a paid writer, I’m helping other people meet their goals, and I’m able to be a SAHM at the same time. I have wanted this for a really, really long time. You’ve probably even read my posts about this!

And you know what has started to happen? These negative thoughts start popping into my head.

Maybe you should just quit Alissa. I don’t know if you can handle this.

What if I’m not good enough?

What if I fail?

How can I help other people when I can’t get it together myself?

I’m not pretty/fit/skinny enough to be doing this.

I don’t know why people are putting so much faith in me—I hope I don’t disappoint them.

You can’t do it all—maybe you’d better not do any of it.

Maybe I’ll just do it later.

I’m sure everyone else does a better job than I do.

Why does this begin to happen? The only reason that I am in the place of feeling at risk of failure and disappointment is because I had the courage to seek after that which makes me afraid and, now that I’ve made it there, I begin to doubt my ability.

I doubt myself and it would be easier to just quit. To get rid of the fears of failure by allowing myself to fail.

This is the same for my weight loss journey. I’ve lost 26 lbs. and now I feel stuck because of negative thought patterns which lead to negative, self-sabotaging behaviors.

I don’t know what the solution is to this problem yet, but I just wanted to put it out there and get my thoughts out about it.

I think it’s time that I get back to the counseling that I started for my emotional eating issues. I’ve only been able to go once so far! I will have to schedule an appointment soon.

Do you self-sabotage?