The first month was hard. We had our joyful moments, of course, but I think we had more moments during that first month that made me question whether or not I should have even become a mother.
I loved Sienna so much—but since I had never been a “baby person”, I doubted my every move and felt like I had no idea what I was doing. Sienna’s was the first diaper I ever changed in my life—I really mean it when I say that I had no experience with babies. And I had no idea what the norm was—so I didn’t know if Sienna’s screaming during almost all of her waking moments was normal or if something was wrong.
There were those people who knew how to lift me up and there were those who brought me down and brought me to tears when I was finally out of their presence. If I am ever around a struggling mom, you can bet the only words I will offer (if any) will be of encouragement.
I cried all.the.time. Constantly. Everything made me cry. Looking back, I’m pretty sure I had the Baby Blues—but not anything like post-partum depression. I became (what I feel) was a horrific wife. I lashed out and my husband took the brunt of it. And then I felt horrible and I would cry some more. Thank goodness this eventually went away. And I am even more thankful that my husband loved me unconditionally—I really learned this during the first month and my love for him became even greater. He always had the right words.
I have talked about the breastfeeding problems on a previous post. That was stressful for me and baby. And I’m sure it was hard for hubby too.
When Sienna was born, we were told that she may had swallowed and aspirated amniotic fluid. She would throw up a greenish liquid and we were told how to put her on her side when this happened so that she wouldn’t choke and then use a sucker to get it out of her mouth. You can imagine how the nights went—complete exhaustion but yet so afraid to close your eyes because your baby girl could choke!
They decided they needed to pump her stomach. They thought that pumping her stomach might help her with breastfeeding. It didn’t. And she continued to throw up—even when we brought her home. We kept her very close!
When she was three weeks old, I was changing her diaper and she looked like she was choking. She straightened her body out, her little eyes bugged out, she turned red, and looked like she couldn’t breathe. It was terrifying. I don’t know if I did the right thing or not, but I did what we learned in our infant CPR class and turned her upside down. She then let out a scream that sounded like she was in pain. The same day, she projectiled a yellow substance and I found a little blood in her diaper (she hadn’t had the normal hormonal stuff for over a week).
I brought her into the doctor immediately. If ever you wished your family was close, it’s in times like these. All alone with our baby girl, I was on the verge of tears during that doctor’s appointment. Our poor baby girl looked so sick. This is when we found out that she had lost a significant amount of weight. The doctor ordered an ultrasound and the nurses inserted a catheter for a test---not something you want to happen to your 3 week old. The poor little girl.
Thankfully, hubby left work and wasn’t working terribly far away. He was there in time for the ultrasound and I felt so much more calm with him there. Everything turned out to be normal with her organs—such a relief!! But yet, what was causing her symptoms?
She had another choking episode at the doctor’s office while the nurse was in the room—they saw what I tried to explain to them—she called other nurses and the doctor into the room after that. They finally understood.
She was diagnosed with infant reflux and put on Zantac, which is administered with a little syringe. We met with lactation, etc. And I finally made the decision, during the time between this visit and her follow up, to start supplementing. And everything started to change.
There were no more choking episodes. She started to look healthier and scream less often. There is no greater relief than to know that your baby is ok.
When she starts having choking episodes again (even now), I know it’s time to up her meds again, which has to be done as she grows. The doctor said some children grow out of it and others will have it their entire lives.
I am so thankful that it was something that could be so easily fixed (or symptoms diminished) by medicine. I cannot imagine what parents go through when their children have something serious.
I had planned on this post being about the first three months, but the first month has a lot of detail—so I’ll just leave it at this and write a separate post for the second and third months.
At four months, I am SO glad that it gets better…more on that later!
My referral code is kwonbeg.