The last time I checked in about my weight loss struggles was September 27th, so I thought I'd check in again. Unfortunately, I don't have any wonderful news to report or anything. I haven't been on the scale though.
I was doing very well at making healthier decisions and eating more "real" food, but then I started slipping again. And then I got the stomach flu a few days ago and haven't eaten very much, and what I have eaten has been bland and filled with carbs! Mashed potatoes, toast, a bagel... that kind of thing.
At least I'm starting to feel better as the day goes on-- I'm on day 3. I'm in that mode where I want to clean everything, which always happens after I'm sick, but I find my energy wears down pretty quickly! The house realllyyyy needs to be cleaned too.
I've been trying a new tactic to get the house cleaned up. When everything seems overwhelming, I have 10-minute tidy sessions. Hubby joined me today and we cleaned/straightened as much as we could for 10 minutes. And we'll do that numerous times throughout the day. It seems to be working fairly well-- even Little Miss Sunshine helped a little because it makes it seem like a game.
I haven't been sure of what to write about lately. Maybe I'm not taking enough time to get into that creative space-- and I know I need to do that because it's good for me in so many ways and something that I really enjoy.
This blog has always had a weight loss focus-- in addition to other topics thrown in here and there. So I think that's part of what keeps me from writing. But I'm not giving up.
Lately, I have felt my weight begin to hold me back from living again. I find myself embarrassed of my size all of the time and constantly feel like everyone is judging me. I know now that it's probably not the case and anxiety can cause thoughts and feelings like this, but I still don't like that feeling.
I begin to avoid things. Sometimes I don't even want to go outside because I feel like I'm so fat that everyone will be judging me. It sounds like the dumbest thing ever when I put that out there! I definitely hold myself back because of my weight and I hate it.
Sometimes I think maybe I should join Weight Watchers again for the 500th time. The only thing holding me back is imagining what hubby would say! It wasn't that long ago that I decided I was going to give that a try again and I think I tracked my points like not even one full day. But that's my own fault, I'd need to make it mandatory.
Maybe I need to join, but start going to the meetings this time. I've been thinking about getting Little Miss Sunshine into day care for a day or half day so that she can interact with other kids-- she's so sociable and I know she would love it. It'd be really good for her and a great way to use up some of her energy. But that would give me time to go to a meeting if I wanted to.
I think I'd want to go to a center that's farther away. When you live in a small town, people get to know who you are. I'd rather not have more people notice me failing! What a terrible attitude to have.
It's hard to know what to do! I just know that I have to do something.
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