A day with my sister and kiddos

Today was the first full day of my vacation time. I got to sleep in my niece's pink princess/butterfly room last night.

My nephew is in love with monster trucks. He showed me all 16 of them all lined up. Each of them has a special name and he seemed to know them all! haha.

For breakfast, my sister made oatmeal with fresh strawberries. I also had my coffee and milk.

We had a relaxing morning. My sister and I got to spend a little time talking and I colored with my niece. Like my lion? I thought it was pretty good but my nephew informed me that’s not what a lion’s mane looks like. hehe.

We headed out to the mall to do a little shopping. My neice wanted me to sit in the back with her. Here she is showing me a special rock she found somewhere. lol

I didn’t find much while shopping. I did buy a pretty scarf and travel pill case at Charming Charlies. I also got pink flowers for my hair at H & M…plus they match my scarf!

For lunch, I ate a 6” turkey sub from Subway and baked Doritos.

While the kids played in the play area, I sipped on a Caribou Coffee Northern Lite Caramel Latte, which was very good, btw!

And chatted with my sister.

Aren’t the kiddos cuties?

When we came home, I ate a homemade Larabar for a snack.

And then played Uno with the kids.

My niece went to the kitchen to get a snack for herself and she brought me back a banana.

I don’t know why, but I was just beat! I didn’t do much for the rest of the afternoon.

My sister made mini-banana whole wheat muffins. I had a couple of those.

It was just a hungry afternoon for some reason. I also ate an apple with peanut butter.

For supper, I ate an egg, cheese, and bacon sandwich.

Greek yogurt with granola.

And some frosted wheat cereal—didn’t get a picture of that.

Later on in the evening, I had some popcorn and a small chocolate chip cookie.

And that’s it for the day. I used some weekly points, but it is all counted for, which is the important thing.

And now I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep and can’t wait to see hubby again tomorrow!

Half Work and Half Play

I woke up to a nightmare this morning at 5 a.m. And then I didn’t want to go back to sleep for fear or dreaming the same thing! So, I just got started on my day a little earlier.

First thing I did was walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I walked 1 mile. I will focus on the benefit to my body rather than thinking about how it probably wasn’t very many calories compared to running. You see how I think? At this point, any movement is good. I’m going to work on practicing self-love.

As women, I think this is something we tend to do. We discredit ourselves. We compare ourselves with other people, and the funny thing is—we’re all too busy thinking about ourselves that no one is really noticing the things we’re worrying about! So who’s with me on trying to replace negative thoughts with positive ones? If you come across a negative thought on this blog, that I don’t replace with a positive one, you are free to correct me! I might need your help.

I also want to say thank you to those of you who have been supportive of me as I express my very personal thoughts and feelings. I am nervous every time I put myself out there by writing about what is going on in my head. As I mentioned before, my emotions are one of the things that I discredit.

When I post how I feel in my heart of hearts, I await the ridicule, but almost all of you are so supportive of me. It means a lot. It validates my feelings and helps me to process them. I often struggle with feeling like my feelings and emotions aren’t valid—that I don’t have a reason to feel X emotion, that I should stuff it all inside and get over it. The truth is, we all have a right to feel the way that we feel and PROCESSING those emotions is key.

When I mentioned in my last post that I cried instead of eating the brownie, this is actually a break through for me. To process the emotion instead of stuffing it in. Make sense? I am not throwing myself a pity party or whining. I am trying to figure out how to process how I feel in a healthy way. Crying is ok. It’s what our bodies are designed to do. Crying makes us feel better, it releases stress. There is scientific research to back this up. And this isn’t the first time that crying has been the key to dodging emotional eating.

Don’t be like me and stuff your emotions inside. Don’t suck it up. Let it all out. You will feel better. I have a lot of work ahead of me to learn to process emotions in a healthy way. I hope that you won’t mind as I pour my heart out here on this blog. I appreciate those of you who are respectful of my feelings. If you knew me in person, I don’t think you would discredit how I feel. It’s easy to judge people. I’m really not a crazy, self-centered, self-indulgent person. I promise.  

Now, enough with the deep stuff and on with the fun!

For breakfast, I ate a flaxseed waffle with 1 tbs. maple syrup and a sliced banana along with a scrambled egg and skim milk.

Coffee while working. It was technical issue after issue this morning! I felt like I wasn’t getting a lot done. But it was exciting seeing my work published.

On my break, I ate an apple.

And a light string cheese.

When I went out to get the mail, I noticed that the spring flowers are starting to pop up!! That is SUCH a good sign!

For lunch, I ate a slice of leftover homemade pizza and a salad with lettuce, tomatoes, gouda, and ham. I topped it with homemade ranch dressing.

This was my first try at homemade salad dressing. I didn’t quite get the taste I was looking for—but it’s good! I’ll try again.

I also ate some clementines.

A while later, I snacked on a homemade Larabar.

I got off of work early—for a very special reason! So I hopped in the Jeep and started on my journey. I was equipped with more coffee.

It was a gorgeous day to drive. The sun was shining and the clouds were just beautiful.

I cranked up my music and soon the stress started fading away. Such a good feeling.

I had to stop for gas and bathroom break. I was hungry, so I snacked on a banana.

And almonds.

And I bought these beautiful flowers.

So where did I go? I went to visit my sister and family—a state away! I made it in time for supper. She made a delicious chicken dish cooked in a wine sauce, which was served over mashed potatoes. I had a side salad and 2 small slices of homemade wheat bread.

Yummy! It was fabulous! After supper, I played Jenga with the kids. Awww, cute, huh?

Later on, I had 2 small chocolate chip cookies.

I look forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning and to just spending time with family tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be beautiful. I really need this time away to de-stress and relax! Looking forward to it!

Digging Deep

Monday? Already!?

I had to go into the office today, and normally I don’t take photos of my food on those days, but I decided I’d take them today. So please excuse the poor quality photos taken on my phone today!

For breakfast, I ate a slice of Ezekiel toast with almond butter and a sliced banana. I also had skim milk.

I thought my cat, Daisy, looked cute—just hanging out this morning!

While working, I drank my usual coffee with creamer, but I forgot to take a picture.

I tried to dress a little nicer today. It definitely makes you feel better about yourself when you feel like you look nice. Lately, it seems like I just go for comfort. Whatever clothes don’t feel tight on me.

But I liked my outfit today. Minus the slipper.

I want to get this weight off so that I feel good about myself again. My self-confidence is very low right now.

On my break, I ate a Yoplait Greek yogurt. I buy these for hubby, and it was just convenient for me today.

I also ate a homemade Larabar.

For lunch, I had a ham and gouda sandwich, carrot sticks, and red pepper hummus.

I also ate clementines.

In the afternoon, I ate a WW string cheese.

And I picked up a non-fat latte, but didn’t get a photo of that.

After work, I had a few errands to run, so I picked up supper and brought it home. Pita Pit and baked BBQ Lay’s.

Yummmm! I ate a Fiber One brownie with Cool Whip…and actually ate 2.

I guess if that was the worst of my eating today, I shouldn’t beat myself up over it too much.

I didn’t do so well over the weekend again. I let stress get the best of me. Hubby told me that he sees it all happen. He tries his best to help me. Sometimes it works and sometimes I just get angry.

Yesterday when he tried to help me, I just cried instead. And crying was exactly what I needed. Not that gooey brownie that I thought I needed.

I just feel like I’m falling apart. Maybe it’s because I put too high of expectations on myself. Hubby and I had a talk last night and he said some things that made me feel better, but I also feel like he helped me get to a really big issue that’s been bothering me.

I am so embarrassed for having gained about 30 lbs. back. I am absolutely ashamed. I feel like I have failed so many people. I feel like I am failing hubby by not living up to what (I THINK) he wants me to be. After hearing that, he told me exactly what I needed to hear. Reassuring words.

I feel like by failing myself, I have failed everyone around me.

I feel like this is just another example of how I have felt all of my life—like I’m never quite good enough. Like I never quite have what it takes.

Hubby told me that I don’t have to be perfect. I can’t explain the release that I felt when he said that. I don’t have to be perfect. I can’t quite grasp it. I have tried to be for so long. Never quite achieving it. It’s so hard on me, really.

He thinks that the reason I am so miserable is because I am not doing the things that I used to do, specifically exercise. He reminded me of how I used to be. I’d exercise 5 days per week. I was always doing workout videos. I felt good about myself because I was taking care of myself. It gave me self confidence. I know he’s right.

I need to find my inner strength again. I need to feel good about myself. I want my clothes to fit again. I want to be happy again.

Hubby told me to wake up every morning and say to myself, “I can do this”.

First, I need to learn how to forgive myself for taking backward steps. Second, I need to come to terms with the fact that I don’t have to be perfect all of the time, or in everything. It’s ok to just let loose a bit, to love myself, imperfections and all. I can stop beating myself up over every little thing.

How do you learn to accept yourself? To love yourself? To show yourself grace?