I ran today!!

Wouldn’t you know I still didn’t find anything to buy with my birthday money last night. Maybe something is telling me I should just save it.

For breakfast this morning, I ate Cheerios with strawberries.

And the usual coffee with creamer.

No snacks this morning again. Not sure what’s up with me!

For lunch, I ate an egg sandwich with ham and cheese (x2) and leftover squash. The sandwich was so delicious that I ate two of them. Hey, I had the points since I didn’t eat much for breakfast and no snacks!

I was reading a blog this afternoon that asked, “are you satisfied with the health and weight loss choices you have made in 2012?” I suddenly got an overwhelming feeling of regret and disappointment in myself.

I took a look at my weigh ins in December of 2011 and January of 2012 and here’s what I found. In December I weighed 201.3. 201.3!!!! OMW. And in January, 213.4.

Is that where this all started? Back in December of 2011? I know exactly what happened that month. My FIL was in the hospital for over a month—a good majority of the time he was almost dying. Not to mention, the hospital was almost 2 hours away. So almost every evening, hubby and I made that trip. We spent weekends up there. We ate out all the time. I put on 12 lbs. that month. I just realized that now.

I did get some of that weight off. By March, I was back down to 205.5. Today, I’m about 216 lbs. I never really seemed to recover from that setback. I am so disappointed in how I have done this year. But since I weighed 213.4, I could very easily have SOME kind of a loss this year. I’m only 3 lbs. away. I do not want to have a year where I gained. And it’s encouraging to know that I’m not far away from a loss.

Next year, there are big plans in the Journey to Thin household. I want to be thinner by then. I want to kick it hard core and see how much weight I can get off by the end of the year. But I’m also afraid that I will set a goal and not follow through.

I joined the waiting list for an online personal trainer. It’s a lot cheaper than actually hiring one in person, so I thought I would try that first. Hubby and I have talked about it, and I will probably be hiring a personal trainer, but don’t have the money at the moment. But for the online personal trainer, I can afford that now. Hopefully there isn’t much of a waiting list! For now, I will try to get started on my own and if I don’t hear anything back before the time I can afford the trainer, I will just go with a personal trainer in person!

I decided to take today off of job #2. No excuses for not getting outside for some exercise.

I headed outside to ensure myself that I could at least still run a mile. I did! It was very hard and by the time I was done my legs were screaming and I thought I was going to throw up, but I could still do it. I ran it in 12 minutes, which is actually not so bad for me! I also did some walking, albeit very slowly after that mile!

I really hate that a lot of the yoga pants out there don’t have pockets. Those of us with allergies need pockets. We need to be able to stuff them full of kleenex. lol. Another reason is because I need to be able to carry a key! I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner:

See, the key is tied onto my shoelace. Genius. I know. Well, here I am in all of my glory after the run. Just a mess.

I live in a small rural town. And this was my scene on the running trail today. Literally, right across the path. lol

But the farmers are very friendly and I get a smile and a wave as I go by. They get a cough/hack/snot face in return. JK It’s not really that bad. But it feels like it.

When I got home, I had a nice big glass of ice water. Ahhhhhh…

I have decided that optimism is a choice. Just like joy is a choice. I can choose whether I want to look at the past, about how not that long ago I ran 5 miles and weighed 15 lbs. less, or, I can think about the fact that I am moving forward and that the journey begins with a single step. I choose to be proud of myself for not giving up, not disappointed in myself for having struggled.

That will be my last run until Saturday though. I don’t want to be sore for the 5k!

For supper, I made shrimp tacos and FF refried beans. I ate a couple lime tortilla chips. I actually added chia seeds to the shrimp mixture and it turned out good!

For dessert, I made a cake that I randomly came up with. I am totally going to share this recipe. It was low points and SO delicious that I actually ate 2 pieces. But I still have points left AFTER that.

There it is! Tomorrow is weigh in day, hoping for the best!