By the time I’m 30…

Yesterday, I was looking at some blogs of people who had lost over 100 lbs. in just a couple of years and it made me feel bad about myself.

I know, it should motivate me…and it does!

I started thinking, if they can do it, why can’t I? Where is this disconnect for ME, that other people seem to be doing ok with.

I know it’s totally mental for me. There’s no question about that now. Something hasn’t been clicking for me. I started this journey in 2008. Next month, it will have been 4 years. It’s hard to believe it has been that long! And yet I’ve only lost a little over 70 lbs. Shouldn’t I be at goal by now?

I told my husband about my concerns and he stopped me in my tracks and said, “I don’t want to hear any more of that attitude from you ever again. You are a success, so don’t even go there. Everyone is different.”

Ok, he’s right. I am a success. But why is it seemingly easier for some people than for others. Not that losing weight is EASY for anyone…but you know what I mean. 

How does it feel to have put myself out here with this blog and have come to a weight loss stand still, actually having gained a few lbs. this year? I feel pretty darn embarrassed. I am ashamed that I am struggling so much. But I think that you bloggies understand me.

It makes me sad that a lot of the bloggers and those who used to be so supportive on my journey are gone now. Whether they gave up the fight, reached goal and no longer needed to blog, or stopped reading my blog because I’m not being very motivational anymore, I don’t know. I realized that many blogs I used to follow have become nonexistent.

If you read my blog and don’t see me commenting on yours…please leave me a link to your blog in the comments. I have had some issues with blogger, so all of the blogs I “follow” don’t show up on my sidebar anymore, but I do follow them in a different reader by subscription. It’s time I build my blogger support system again. I want to read about your journey, because that has always helped me SO much!!

I know this post may seem like a debbie downer, but I’m actually doing really well! I lost another pound this morning and I actually had points left over last night. Hubby and I went on a 42 minute walk, and I’m feeling motivated to stick to my points. The exercise thing continues to be a daily battle for me, but I have worked out the past couple of days—even if it’s just a walk.

So, I haven’t given up the fight. But I wonder how many people think I have because of my struggle or because I’ve gained a few lbs. I really haven’t given up. Life seems different these days. I’m not the 23 year old I was when I started this blog. I’m going to be 27 this year and I feel a little more like a responsible woman rather than a 20 year old student. And I’m just trying to get used to what it’s like. And in a few years, I will transition again—into a mother. I need to make these health goals a reality and learn to stick with them. They’re not an option, but habits I MUST learn. Am I making sense?

This is my life. It will be what I make it. And I want to be more than what I am now…in the physical sense AND the emotional sense. I WILL be a thin and beautiful woman, inside and out, by 30. By the time I’m 30, I want these goals I’m struggling with now to be formed into habits. I want them to be natural to me by the time I’m 30.

And I’m working on that right now… one day at a time. One choice at a time.

For me, the biggest struggle is staying mindful.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts—I know they’re jumbled!!